It’s that time again sports fans! The part where I stare at a computer screen for an hour before I go and make pizza? The part where I do my awesome new podcast with my pal Joe over at 411Mania?! No; it’s time for the long awaited return of the Luchabag. It’s been about a month or so and with the AAA/Marvel stuff recently happening, it was only natural that I would get a ton of totally real questions from people that are totally real and not me or my friend making stuff up. And so I did and so here is the Luchabag! Let’s answer some questions.
So how soon till CMLL and DC Comics team up for their own lucha libre/comic book crossover?
Why on earth would you wish that evil on us all?! At least a Marvel/AAA partnership is between two organizations that are, more or less, run pretty decently (and in Marvel’s case tremendously). A CMLL/DC alliance would pretty much be partnering up one of the most inept organizations this side of the western hemisphere…and CMLL! That be like getting Ike and Tina back together and holy shit I can’t believe I just made that reference. See?! This question has driven me so mad I’m making 40 year old references!
But yes; a DC/CMLL partnership would only leave us with endless heartbreak…or at best a one week deal before DC or CMLL does something the other hates and one just disappears for years. I mean sure it’ll be briefly resurrected when Zack Snyder rides in to do his version but we all know how that will end too. Personally I’m more interested in this potential alliance; IWRG and the Sandman universe. You’re telling me you wouldn’t be interested in The Endless trying to take over Arena Naucalpan? TAKE MY MONEY NOW!
Can you believe AAA not only got Cain Velasquez before every other promotion but now has access to Captain America too and Spider-Man too?! When is Dave Meltzer going to give Dorian Roldan Promoter of the Year already?
–Luisa, Mexico City
I mean Dave should be giving that to Dorian (or Konnan, or Marisela, or all three) anyway considering AAA has been the best promotion in the world for the last year. I mean where else can you find a promotion that has ties with every non WWE/New Japan promotion alive, has Kenny Omega as their world champ and now a deal with Marvel? It’s incredible, and even more so when you consider Dorian was one of the key players in Lucha Underground’s demise and AAA’s two year fall from grace. Not since Mickey Rourke in the mid 2000’s has there been a comeback this shocking and this great. Now hopefully Dorian just passes on that role as the villain in Iron Man 2.
How soon does WWE sign every last wrestler on the planet to prevent them from being taken over by Marvel Championship Wrestling?
–The Man From Another Place, Another Place
Let’s pump the breaks here sports fans. I’ve seen several people get excited over the possibility, briefly touched upon at the Triplemania press conference last Monday, that Marvel may be getting into the wrestling business in a bigger way than just letting AAA put some of their guys under gimmicks Marvel came up with. The reality though is that we’re nowhere near that yet. Is it possible if things go well Marvel and AAA may team up for a promotion or Marvel may decide to get in the game on their own? Sure. Would I bet my Batman Bobblehead or year supply of Sunkist soda on it? No. The most likely scenarios in play here are that Marvel eventually becomes the “you know; wrestling isn’t for me guy” and bolts while allowing AAA to continue using the Arcano, Leyenda Americana, Terror Purpura and Venenoide characters afterwards, or the two sides sever ties and those characters just disappear. This is wrestling folks; always expect the least exciting scenario.
Big deal. Wake me when a lucha promotion announces a deal with the Nightmare on Elm Street/Friday the 13th franchise.
–Jason, New Jersey
Freddy and Jason will have to get in line behind The Endless. I’m telling you; Dream vs. Trauma I, hair vs. mask, is easy money ready to be made in Naucalpan! Also, why on earth would I want Freddy or Jason in a lucha promotion when we’ve already had over 9,000 of those knockoffs anyway? If anything we need an Ashley J. Williams crossover and I have the perfect person for the role; Jon Moxley. Tell me Moxley as Ash doesn’t work. I DARE YOU!
So who is actually going to be playing these Marvel characters?
Great question. The word is that AAA already has people lined up for these gigs on the roster and while the first inclination would be to go with one of the undercard high flyers, a closer look at these guys suggest some are way bigger than some of those smaller dudes would be. Of course those guys could’ve just been modeling the characters for the video package so who can say for sure? In any event, I’ve put some thought into this and quite frankly there’s only two people that a) I could see fitting these gimmicks who work AAA regularly now and b) who could use a change. Those two would be Australian Suicide and Dinastia. Suicide would frankly be perfect for the Arcano character, considering it’s based of Spider-Man and Suicide is Spider-Man if he swore a lot and listened to Lagwagon. And I have to agree with Rob Viper is saying Dinastia kind of needs a change. I think he’s gone as far as he can go in his current iteration and a gimmick change may also be the thing to get his motor going 100% of the time, something he does struggle with on occasion (example; this past Sunday). Beyond those two though I think AAA would be wiser to go outside of the promotion to fill the final two spots. Especially since one of them is supposed to be Captain Gorram America and you want to bring Lio Rush in. Kill two birds with one stone, bring Rush in, make him Leyenda Americana and then make Cage Terror Purpura. Then PayPal me my fee. I come cheap AAA, don’t worry.
Are we going to get Howard the Duck in AAA? I mean come on; if they can have fifteen different clown characters in there, this Marvel deal should give us Howard and a chance for him to redeem himself after George Lucas ruined his life. JUSTICE FOR HOWARD! #WeWantTheDuck
I will accept this only if they bring in Ludark Shaitan as Howard’s female sidekick, only instead of a damsel in distress she’s basically the ultimate bad ass. You know; like Ludark Shaitan. Otherwise I think I’m pretty cool with no one except James Gunn touching Howard the Duck. And yes I’m saying that because I still haven’t forgiven Lucas for destroying the Duck’s good name. We should’ve known then the prequels would suck.
Forget all this “which AAA luchadores are going to be this character?” and “how big a deal is this?” and all that jazz. I don’t want to hear it! Level with me Eric; if AAA luchadores could be Marvel characters, which ones would they be? Also, do you have my copy of The Last of the Mohicans? I can’t find it anywhere.
–Your Brother, Providence
First off, why not just call yourself Daniel? WE’RE BROTHERS AFTER ALL! Second, I’ll get right on driving it over to your place after I get done with it first, followed by me writing the Army of Darkness remake, starring Jon Moxley as Ash.
Finally, you of all people should know that I tried to come up with a whole column devoted to casting AAA luchador(a)s as Marvel superheroes, couldn’t do it, and then pivoted to the Luchabag after my dozens of fans totally bailed me out by sending me totally legit emails. It’s just too tough. There’s way too many Marvel people, only about 25% of them are actually cool (against my better judgment, I am a DC Comics guy, except when it comes to like Daredevil and the aforementioned Howard the Duck) and also, that idea has been done to death over the years. Hell I think I’ve done the “cast so and so as so and so” gimmick at least 200 hundreds times. So we’re just letting it lie…except for this because it’s too good; Konnan as Wilson Fisk/The Kingpin. It’s perfect; they’re both diabolical, ruthless, both have a cane they use to beat people with (or Konnan at least did in Lucha Underground), they’re the top bad guy and they will kick your ass if necessary. If Marvel Latin America ever decides to do a Daredevil movie and Konnan isn’t Fisk, that should be the day Marvel goes out of business.
So how soon do the Super Lucha Cats get in on this AAA/Marvel deal?
Please; the Super Lucha Cats are too big for Marvel and AAA! They’ll be going to IWRG to save the promotion after it’s taken over by The Endless. Dream, Death, Desire and Despair vs. Pizza, Coco, Nopalito and Fresa in a steel cage?! They’re gonna have to build a new Arena Naucalpan to fill the demand for that bad boy!
How great a base is Euforia?
…I guess that ends the AAA/Marvel portion of the show. All good things must come to an end as they say. Except Euforia; he’s been great for years and I see no reason to believe he still won’t be. All of which is to say he’s a great base, he may be one of the best bases in Mexico and unfortunately he’s not going to get his due because a) he’s long been in the shadow of Ultimo Guerrero as his teammate and b) he works for CMLL, a promotion who’s current iteration could take El Santo in his peak and job him out to Espanto Jr. in a ten minute opener.
Why did AAA smoke CMLL with their Dia de Muertos show?
For those who aren’t aware, this past weekend both AAA and CMLL did Dia de Muertos shows in honor of, well, Dia de Muertos on Sunday. One show featured several strong matches, a unique set, great atmosphere and was just plain fun. The other was CMLL. That’s the short answer for why AAA beat down CMLL worse than me wrecking the Yankees on Beginner mode in MLB The Show. The slightly longer answer is that AAA’s show simply felt fresher because they don’t do this concept every year (unlike CMLL) and because the AutoLuchas set up left AAA with a lot of room to be creative. So those things definitely gave them an advantage. Of course the promotion still needs to book the show and the luchadores still need to perform, and on that front AAA was exceptional and CMLL remained stuck in the same rut they’ve been for a few years. So while AAA had built in advantages, they would’ve meant nothing if Hades, Lady Maravilla, Laredo Kid, Octagon Jr., Myzteziz Jr., Psycho Clown and co. didn’t show up and tear the house down. They did while CMLL sleep walked. And that’s how AAA kicked their ass.
Who is the worst trios team in the history of lucha libre and why is it Dark Magic, Okumura and that guy who looks like the rip off M.Bison?
You know something…I think they may actually be the worst. I have racked my brain for a worst trio and for the life of me I cannot think of any other threesome that comes close to being as bad as Dark Magic, Okumura and Vangellys (M.Bison) were this past Friday. And keep in mind that this was their first match together. THEIR FIRST! It takes a special kind of talent to suck so bad in your first match that you’re already, at best, one of the worst trios of all time.and at worst, the worst trio of all time. So yeah; props to those three I guess and may they never, EVER appear on CMLL TV again. Unfortunately they’ll probably be headlining the Aniversario next year the way CMLL is heading.
Are the Bucs frauds?
–Champ, Undisclosed Location
Look…I get that Rey Bucanero, Pirata Morgan and the other pirate gimmicked luchadores around aren’t what they used to do (except for Hijo del Pirata Morgan, who is very good) but I think it’s a little hard to be calling them frauds…and I’m now realizing this is Champ from Twitter asking if the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are frauds. COME ON CHAMP! This is a LUCHABAG, not a regular mailbag. Stick to the lucha libre. And also; no. The Bucs aren’t frauds and I am 100% saying this because I never bet against Tom Brady in any situation. All that leads to is pain, misery and CMLL, who by the way have taken more shots than Bieber in that CSI episode.
Who’s taking the Mega Championship from Kenny Omega?
–Barbie, New York
I’m going to get mocked for this but honestly; I think it may actually be Laredo Kid. I say that fully believing that AAA’s initial plan was for Kenny Omega to beat Laredo at Rey de Reyes, followed by Omega having a few more title defenses before he finally dropped the belt later in the year to Fenix (bringing that thing full circle), Pentagon, Vikingo (in a star making moment), Rush or, my personal preference, Psycho Clown. At this point though, with the pandemic still in full bloom and Omega’s future with AAA (not to mention AEW’s partnership with AAA) likely up in the air following this match, I think it’s very likely that Laredo Kid may well be the new Mega Champion after he and Kenny are finally able to lock up. The only thing that gives me pause is that Omega is very clearly going to be going after the AEW World Championship following this weekend (let’s be real; he’s beating the Hangman) and I’m not sure AEW will want him losing anywhere in the near distant future. But that’s assuming Laredo vs. Omega happens in December and isn’t delayed for another few months. In the end, I think more signs than not point to Laredo getting the title. But I am a massive Laredo fan and a known sap so what do I know?
Level with me; who is the best lucha referee going right now? Personally I’m a big fan of Angel El Elegante! His count cadence is the best this side of Edgar Noreiga, he’s mindful of his surroundings and best of all, he is the sexiest person in the history of time! My goodness; don’t you just want to devour him every time you…
…and on that note I think it’s time to wrap this shit up. Those are the rules; when mailers decide to start describing what they’d do sexually to others then it’s time to hit the road. But not before saying that Angel El Elegante is a damn good ref and has the eyes of a Siberian husky. And no, he did not hold hostage my year supply of Sunkist soda to force me to say that.
As always, if you want to send in a question you can send it to me at @CultIcon or @LuchaCentralCom on Twitter, the Lucha Central Facebook page or email me at (and this is a real email address) firstname.lastname@example.org. See you next time sports fans! Till such time.
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