It’s safe to say I’m no expert on things; ask the folks who have to hear my arguments for Andres Galarraga’s Baseball Hall of Fame case if you don’t believe me. But even I know enough to know that 2024 has been a pretty unbelievable year for CMLL, certainly the most unbelievable since lucha libre welcomed me into its wonderful world a decade ago. There was the Bryan Danielson vs. Blue Panther match, the AEW vs. CMLL battle with one of the hottest crowds in history, Claudio Castagnoli winning the Gran Prix, “Timeless” Toni Storm showing up to do “Timeless” Toni Storm things, Hechicero vs. Zack Sabre Jr., Mistico doing Mistico things; you get the picture. There even was Hechicero unmasking Euforia at the CMLL Aniversario, in one of the most moving moments in lucha libre history. But all those great moments, and others I cannot recall off the top of my head, cannot hold a candle to CMLL’s biggest event of the year, lucha libre’s biggest event of the year, and dare I say wrestling’s biggest event of the year. That’s right; today is CMLL’s annual Bodybuilding Contest.
Muscles! Muscles everywhere!
Truly, it’s a tradition unlike any other, no matter what Jim Nantz and the fascists at Augusta National tell you. You laugh, but think to yourself; what other wrestling promotion gives you a two and a half to three hour block on a November weekday afternoon, where you get to watch trainees do workout exercises, followed by luchador(a)s showing off ripped, unhealthily spray tanned physiques in hope of winning a trophy that likely will not help their careers in the slightest? AEW? WWE? CHILD PLEASE! No event matters less…and thus, for dorks like me, no event matters more. And what better way to celebrate another year of the Bodybuilding Contest by ordering some Applebee’s Buffalo Bites (with some fries and a Pepsi of course), and doing an old school running diary of the event? Actually, it would probably be more fitting to watch this while having a protein shake while doing “SICK LIFTS BRO!” (is that even something dudebros say these days), but as you all know, I don’t play by society’s rules…my goodness that was lame. Can we just go past that part and never mention it again, like the Chris Jericho vs. Mistico match? Okay, good. In the words of Jackson F. Bauer, the following takes place between 1 p.m and…who knows (events occur in real time).
12:55: My food isn’t here yet, the CMLL stream is nowhere to be found on YouTube, and it doesn’t matter anyway cause we’re going live! I like to live dangerously like that. Fortunately, we can all pass the time thanks to the good people of Luchawiki, who have all the CMLL Bodybuilding Contest stats you could ever want. Could I have posted this myself? Probably. Would it have taken a long time and that made me too lazy to do it? Yes. Well, that and I was prepping for this show by watching the BCC vs. CMLL match again. Like Person of Interest, it just gets better with age, give or take a Jim Caviezel.
12:58: Some stats I will give you though are the winners from last year’s show, which according to friend of the site luchablog were Scorpio Jr. (I’m guessing the son of the late Scorpio Jr., not Scorpio himself), Akuma, Hombre Bala Jr., Diamond, Olympia, and Mr. CMLL himself, Astral. Remember; there are six different categories to this deal; the two beginner levels, Advanced, Intermiediate, Women’s, and then, of course, the main one, where CMLL crowns Mr. (or Mrs.) CMLL. Don’t be surprised if that’s Astral again this year; he may struggle to get onto Arena Coliseo cards, but when it comes to this shindig, he’s more dangerous than Freddie Freeman with the bases loaded.
1:05: My food is here! And perhaps more importantly, the video is up on YouTube (though it hasn’t started just yet)! EVERYTHING IS COMING UP LUCHA!
1:07: The stream begins with an advertisement for Red One. If ever there was a bad omen, amirite? Introductions are getting done now, perfect timing as I get my lunch situated.
1:10: Interesting to note there are actually fans in attendance here, along with CMLL head honcho Sal Lutterroth III and other higher ups. That’s not unusual, but the fans part strikes me as new. But enough of that, cause Ultimo Dragoncito is out and it’s TRAINING SESSION TIME! Hit the montage music.
1:12: The trainees are doing laps and one of them looks a lot like Andrade. I knew he lost the Speed Title, but I didn’t think WWE had demoted him that far down the totem pole! Don’t worry Andrade; by next year, you’ll surely have convinced Triple H to demote Dragon Lee to this spot, much like you did at [the following has been redacted by my attorneys].
1:15: The trainees are now jumping over each other. I should also mention that the worst techno music ever is playing over this. If I must suffer, you must suffer…in your head, cause you’re reading this instead of watching the thing obviously.
1:18: Did I just see jumping jacks? I’m pretty sure I just saw jumping jacks.
1:19: Finally, the trainees are in the ring doing the tumbles! Unfortunately, the techno music stays. You win some battles, you lose some.
1:20: REVERSE TUMBLES! FORWARD TUMBLES! ALL THE TUMBLES!
1:23: Some people may be bored with the tumbles by now. My response to them is this.
1:25: Given his lack of response to me earlier today, I was beginning to fear my pal Champ Julius (the only person who loves this contest more than me) was so hyped up that he flew down for the show, and had somehow fanangled his way into being the music guy, explaining this awful music. Fortunately, he just responded to me, so there’s no worries. Also, I’m pretty sure I just accused him liking terrible techno music with no evidence. Then again, he also thought Kyle Fletcher’s hair before the haircut was good, so I’m probably within my right here.
1:28: TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE! TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE! TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE! TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE! TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE! TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE AFTER TUMBLE!
1:29: it appears the tumbles have been momentarily paused as the trainees do neck stands instead. Between this and the tumbles/rolls, this once again confirms to me why luchadors are unbreakable and last far longer than other wrestlers.
1:32: As the trainees start partaking it what appear to be shoot amateur matches, I find myself wondering if a) this is what WWE does down at the Performance Center and b) if they would ever record something like this? The answer of course is no, because WWE knows no one wants to watch trainees doing weight lifting drills, followed by screenings of The Sound of Freedom and the January 6 riots.
1:33: Wait, that’s it? That’s all from the training session? THERE’S NO MORE TUMBLES?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
1:36: Nothing has happened since the tumbling happened, other than some CMLL ads. Which begs the question; WHY COULDN’T WE HAVE CONTINUED THE TUMBLING A FEW MORE MINUTES?! Doesn’t CMLL know that all work and no tumble makes Cult a dull boy?!
1:42: Two dudes doing a lot of talking. You know what could’ve been happening here instead? MORE TUMBLES! I guess it could be worse; they could have Effy here claiming AEW was copying GCW by running Hammerstein.
1:43: At least this downtime has allowed me to convince Western Canadian wrestling legend Sydney Steele to watch this. His thoughts so far? “Man… countries where steroids are just legal are better than either of ours.”
1:45: The judges were just introduced, the bad tecno music is back, andluchadors wearing speedos are out. This must be the beginninger’s class. I’m going to my best to get the names here, we have Gemenis…and then they don’t give the graphic for anyone else’s names! Come on CMLL, help a guy out here!
1:47: HERE COME THE POSES! Also, it does appear that one of these guys names was Fresh, which…brilliant, no notes. Quite frankly, Fresh may be the best luchador name since Tackle. Remember Tackle? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
1:48: Got to appreciate CMLL going with the close ups of people’s backs, just so we all know that yes, these dudes are juicing and we’re very happy about it.
1:49: They just moved the competitors around for…reasons? I guess maybe it was cause El Fantasma just showed up. Why was he showing up just now? Could be anything from him getting stuck in traffic to him getting lost in thought about Santos Escobar’s usage rate on SmackDown.
1:50: A dude with a red mask, a dude with a silver mask, and a dude with no mask were each given center stage to go REALLY hard on their poses. I assume this means they are the three favorites in the clubhouse right now to win this class.
1:52: I think this sums up my current thoughts very well.
1:54: The first Beginners class appears to be done. Personally, I’m rooting for Fresh. Who is Fresh? Still not sure, but I’m rooting for him!
1:56: CMLL appears to have new techno music for Class B. Unfortunately, I onc eagain don’t recognize most of these guys. CMLL does a slightly better job with the graphic to tell us who these guys are, though the graphics are of course too quick for me to get the names down. Is this CMLL’s fault or mine? Contemplate that while watching THE POSES!
2:00: Just glanced at X, The Artist Formerly Known as Twitter, and saw that, while monitoring the YouTube chat, luchablog saw that someone actually subscribed to CMLL’s Fan Leyenda tier during the tumbling drills. For those keeping score, that’s the tier where you pay $35 a month to CMLL, something only nuts like I do. The lesson, as always; more tumbles!
2:03: The dude with no mask on the left has his speedo riding up a bit too high! My brother in Christ, I beg of you, we don’t need to see this much of your ass! THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO VALIENTE 2016!
2:06: Between the two classes so far, have to give the edge to Beginners Class II. The first class may have had Fresh, but other one had a guy legit showing ass, and you can’t beat that.
2:07: Class C time. Only four guys in this; Ragnar, Cody Uno Ocho, and Star King are three of the guys, though the first one’s name I missed. Given a conversation I had with Western Canadian wrestling legend Sydney Steele earlier and how he heard his friend “Cody” may be in it, I’m going to guess Cody is said friend. He’s also the first foreigner I can remember competing in this since I started watching.
2:10: Cody having trouble getting in right position for the poses is the CMLL Bodybuilding Contest equivalent of Love Machine not knowing the Martinete was an illegal move in the first Blue Panther match.
2:12: That’s a wrap for that group. I’m no expert on this, but if I had to guess, this isn’t the year for Canada to take home a trophy in this competition. If only they had actualy called Western Canadian wrestling legend Sydney Steele. He’d have walked away with the whole thing.
2:13: Next class is up, and I remain as lost as ever. And I’m a huge fan of this thing! Participants are…Fuego, Apocalipsis, Oro Jr., Villano III Jr., El Hijo del Villano III, Inquisidor, and Neon. Finally, people I recognize!
2:16: Not sure how the judges are going to go here, but if it’s based on being shredded, Apocalipsis seems like the easy winner. If it’s for, you know, actually looking in good shape, I would say Villano III Jr. Naturally, Hijo del Villano III, Inquisidor, and Neon seemed to be getting the spotlight, once again proving that, like Jon Snow, I know zilch.
2:18: And now sooner do I say that does the whole group start posing together again. Now we’re getting close ups just so we can once again be reminded at how oiled up and tanned these poor souls need to get for this thing.
2:19: Villano III Jr., Inquisidor, and Neon are now getting the spotlight, and I believe I just spotted Villano having to keep from bursting out laughing. No wonder the people love him so much; HE’S JUST LIKE US! Meanwhile, Neon looks like he’s trying to hold back a huge dump, and I can’t tell with Inquisidor cause he wisely has a mask that covers his whole face. Knowing him, he’s probably not thinking about this at all, and is instead wondering why he’s always second best to Polvora.
2:21: I regret to inform you all that the techno music is growing on me. I may have even just been like that cat in that famous gif.
2:24: Another Bodybuilding Contest tradition just continued; Champ Julius messaging me about Fuego needing to improve his look to move up the card, as if Fuego hasn’t resigned himself to a lifetime of making Dark Magic look mediocre instead of outright bad.
2:25: NEXT CLASS! And I may be out on the music again; this sounds like the techno version of Don Callis’ entranec music. Our competitiors here are…El Coyote, Arkalis (HE’S STILL EMPLOYED?!), Hunter, Titan, Rey Samuray, Magia Blanca (who gets audible cheers), and Star Jr. My main thoughts here are amazement that Titan didn’t have something better to do today, being happy for Star Jr. that Ultimo Guerrero isn’t a judge, wondering if Rey Samuray botched his Brillo 450 in his most recent match (you’ll get there some day buddy), and, once again, that Arkalis is still employed! Hey, good for him.
2:29: Seriously Titan; WHY ARE YOU HERE?! Did New Japan really not have a tour for you to compete on right now? You should be watching BUSHI getting pinned by Master Wato in an eight man tag right now, not competing in this!
2:31: Not my pal Ewan trying to give me the QPR lineup while I’m working. Meanwhile, Coyote, Titan, and Magia Blanca getting the spotlight here. Titan looking calm, Coyote and Blanca looking constipated. Never a good sign when you’re trying that hard.
2:34: Rey Samuray, guilty of never hitting his big move clean, now also guilty of SHOWING TOO MUCH ASS! And giving himself what I imagine is the most uncomfortable wedgy in history.
2:37: Like Dante in Clerks, Titan probably isn’t supposed to be here today, but he easily seemed to be the best guy in this crop. Well done Titan; now seriously, get to Japan and help BUSHI. He needs your help!
2:38: Time for our next class. We have Principe Daniel, Sangre Imperial, Max Star, and Astro…wait a minute, Astro?! As in Puebla’s Astro?! This is a big day for guys I thought CMLL got rid of years ago, only to realize they’re still getting work.
2:40: So…is Astral not in this thing this year, or is he just biding his time, waiting to emerge from the shadows like Sting descending from the rafters at the end of a 1997 WCW Monday Nitro episode?
2:41: This music sounds exactly like the music that plays at the club Adam Driver told Nathalie Emmanuel to go back to in Megalopolis. Which is of course fitting, because this techno music is the music equivalent of Megalopolis; simultaneously awful and a masterpiece at the same time.
2:42: We’re done with this group quick. I guess I’ll go with Principe Daniel, if only because he’s Cavernario’s brother and he deserves some nice things. He also should stop being a prince and embrace his caveman side already.
2:43: NEXT GROUP! Rugido, Vegas, Rav, Valiente Jr….and someone who’s name CMLL didn’t put a graphic up for. I’m going with Rav I here; he reminds me just enough of Astral that I feel it’ll work in his favor. Also, Rav is easily the second best name that’s entered this competition, trailing only, of course, Fresh.
2:46: Another group has come and gone pretty quickly. I believe we may now officially be on Astral watch, but we’ll find out as the next group emerges.
2:47: Infarto, Retro (RETRO!), Legendario, Draego, Dark Magic, Magnus, and Fugaz round out this group. Still no Astral. Has he been locked in a closet somewhere to prevent his inevitable victory? If so, I’m pointing the finger at Fugaz. He’s looking like an even smaller Astral.
2:49: Dark Magic posing/bopping to the techno beat is the most endearing he’s ever been. Meanwhile, Fugaz has so much spray tan on that I’d like to volunteer him for an upcoming PSA about skin cancer.
2:52: Infarto, Fugaz, and Dark Magic are chosen for the three way pose off. Have to admit that I am fully in Dark Magic’s corner here. The man may not be a great worker, but he’s not only in outstanding shape, but he actually seems to be having fun with this whole thing. Plus, I just can’t go with Fugaz. He’s trying to destroy our hero Astral from within, and while I can excuse many things, I draw the line there! Somewhere, Gillian Jacobs is nodding furiously.
2:54: Just to let you all know; I’m only breaking out the Magnus gif explosion if, and only if, he’s in contention. That shit is for winners, you understand?
2:56: A four way posedown with Retro, Legendario, Draego, and Magnus closes this group out. Meanwhile, this music is winning me over again. I’m only a few beats away from breaking out in a Night at the Roxbury style groove.
2:59: Next group up! Pequeno Olimpico, Galaxy, Cosmos, and Rostro de Acero round out this pair, which appears to be the Minis group. If I had the time right now, I would be making a meme from BASEketball pondering just where the hell Astral is! Instead, you’ll have to settle for this.
3:01: This techno song sounds like something out of a 1990’s post-apocalyptic B-movie. It is not enough from predicting Galaxy will win this group though. Dude looks good, and he doesn’t look like Birdperson, which immediately DQ’d Cosmos for me.
3:03: Time for the female portion of the event and goodness me, there’s a lot more luchadoras competing here than usual. Reyna Isis is first, and it looks like the women are getting their own individual pose down sequences.
3:05: I guess they’re going to treat the luchadoras portion of this like a runway model thing? Or not, because now all the other luchadoras are coming out. Okay then. Competing here are Lady Metal, India Sioux, Lluvia, Candela, Princesa Sugehit, Sanely, and defending champion Olympia. Lots of cheers for several of the women here, even as I still try to figure out what exactly was going on with Reyna Isis. Is she competing here or not?
3:08: Given that she’s got strong Dalys vibes going on (in physique, not in attitude!), I get the feeling Olympia is going to follow in the footsteps of Dalys and Dark Angel in becoming a repeat champion. Only Lluvia can stop her, and I didn’t see UG at the judges table, so that shouldn’t be an issue.
3:11: Lluvia, Sanely, and Olympia (to big cheers), are selected for the three woman pose off. I haven’t been less shocked since I saw the score for the last Detroit Lions game. “They won again? I don’t believe it!” I said dripping with sarcasm.
3:13: Everyone else posing now, which gives me the opportunity to say “I think Sugehit should win this,” despite knowing full well there’s a better chance the Cubs sign Juan Soto.
3:15: Another Red One commercial? Come on YouTube! This was even more egregious given that the minis portion has started and KEMALITO AND KEMONITO ARE COMPETING! How can you cut away from this glorious encounter for THE GORRAM RED ONE TRAILER?! That’s like having Sorcerer on and deciding “You know what? Let’s go with one of the Fantastic Beasts movies instead.” Straight up noob behavior Netflix.
3:17: Tengu is also here, but it doesn’t matter, cause this should ultimately end with KeMonito winning, then KeMalito attacking him and breaking the trophy over his head. GET THAT HEAT KEMALITO!
3:20: Feels like we’ve reached the techno video game portion of this competition, which hopefully means Astral is about to ride in his white horse and be the Mahomes to the rest of these jabrones’ Josh Allen. Sorry Josh; you know I like you better!
3:21: And here…we…GO! ASTRAL IS HERE! He leads a group featuring Diamond, Dragon Rojo Jr., Angelito, and Action Jackson…wait a minute, FORMER BIG LUCHA STAR ACTION JACKSON IS HERE?! CMLL is so desperate to knock Astral off his perch that they’re bringing in outsiders!
3:23: Watching these pose downs, I feel as secure as ever that Astral is winning his, let me check my notes here….sixth Mr. CMLL in the last ten years. And keep in mind that he lost a few years due to the COVID pandemic canceling this event. I told you he was the Mahomes of this comp!
3:26: If one is having doubts though, know that Angelito and Jackson joined Astral in the all important three person pose down. Also know that Jackson is wearing shades for this competition, which I’d normally give props to except we all know this is a blatant attempt to siphon points from the king. And just like Vizzini trying to trick Westley in a battle of wits, it won’t work.
3:29: It just dawned on me that pretty soon, this contest is going to end.
3:31: Just found out that QPR HAS TAKEN THE LEAD! Sorry; this happens so little these days that I needed to celebrate it.
3:32: That was evidently not the last group, because Valiente, Blue Panther Jr., and Crixus have walked out. I would like to say it’s nice to see Valiente in his element again, but as someone still traumitized from his speed gear phase in the mid-2010s, I can only hold my head high and attempt to power through till this is over.
3:34: Think I’m going with Junior to win this one. Why? Cause he needs something. His father has the legendary status, his brother has the tope; we can at least give Junior this. Especially since there’s a 30% chance every time he wrestles that his muscles will tear off the bone like someone ripping a perfectly creased piece of paper.
3:35: Some polite applause from the fans and, Grodd willing, we have finally reached the end! Let’s get to the trophy presentations; I have video games to play and rock music to listen to in order to get this techno stuff out of my head. Yes, I’m back to hating the techno again. It’s been a rollercoaster ride with that, hasn’t it?
3:37: It is trophy time. The first Beginners Class is out, well, first. Is it Fresh’ time? IT BETTER BE FRESH’S TIME!
3:38: An individual named Radical (I think), gets third, Lord Warrior gets second, and first place is…Gemenis. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! THE JUDGES HAVE SCREWED FRESH!
3:40: Wait…I was wrong, the tropies instead went to Gemenis, Kuukai, and one other dude. I’m somehow even less confused over who won this group now. The CMLL Bodybuilding Contest; you gotta love it!
3:43: Trophies being handed out to the next class. I still have no idea who won, but I do know the maskless guy who was showing ass earlier got one of the trophies, which tells me that showing ass gets you very far in this year’s competition.
3:44: Next class up! Star King appears to be 4th, Cody Uno Ocho is 3rd, and NOW AN AD POPS UP AS THEY’RE ANNOUNCING THE REST! It appears Ragnar and the guy who’s name I missed earlier were #2 and #1, so good for them. Would’ve been nice if YouTube had decided to hold off on the ads for a moment so I’d know for sure, but hey, this is what you get for streaming this on your PlayStation.
3:47: Here come the Villanos, so we’re now getting to the more advanced classes. Oro Jr. is fifth place, Hijo del Villano III is fourth, Inquisidor is third, Neon is second, and Villano III Jr. is first! Best call the judges have made yet. Too bad Villano III Jr. is about to relive the Flip Gordon loss all over again when Astral beats him in Mr. CMLL!
3:50: Here comes the next class. Fifth place is Rey Samuray, fourth place is Hunter, bronze is Titan…WHAT?! TITAN IS ONLY BRONZE?!
3:53: I’m not sure what’s embarassing; that Titan was bronze there, or that it took me five minutes to get that meme posted correctly! In any event, Magia Blanca was second, and El Coyote was gold. The next group is already up, with Astro getting fifth, Max Star getting third, Principe Daniel getting silver, and Sangre Imperial winning the gold. We now live in a world where Sangre Imperial won something and Titan didn’t. What is life?
3:56: Next group is up. Fifth place is Vegas, fourth place is Rav (DAMMIT!), bronze is Rugido, second place is the guy without a mask who CMLL for some reason won’t show a graphic too, and gold is Valiente Jr. I shit you not when I say that Valiente Jr. broke down and started crying, as though he watched Mexico win the World Cup. I’m still laughing!
3:58: Next group has Magnus fifth, Fugaz fourth (LOLOLOLOLOLOL), Infarto third, Dark Magic second, and Draego first. Like Valiente Jr., Draego drops to his knees in celebration. Everyone is turning into a mid-2000s/2010s Tennis Star after winning Wimbledon! I’ll let this one go though because Dark Magic was a deserving silver, and Fugaz trying so hard only to get fourth is the highest of comedy. May be the funniest thing that happened today, and think of the ground that covers!
4:01: Rostro de Acero is fourth in his group, followed by Pequeno Olimpico picking up the bronze, Galaxy with the silver, and Cosmos with gold. A travesty; today is the day the CMLL Bodybuilding judges chose a Birdperson lookalike over Galaxy. At least we did the shot of Galaxy smiling and giving the thumbs up, all while looking like he was being held at gunpoint by Octagon’s armed bodyguards. Does anyone remember that reference you think? Other than Flamita I mean.
4:03: Reyna Isis is now getting a trophy, which I guess means that she was the lone competitior in whatever division she was doing, which explains her lone runway walk. At least I’ve picked up on that much! As for the main Amazonas competition…hold on…Reyna is still posing…my goodness, this will never end…FINALLY! Candela is fifth, India Sioux is fourth, Lluvia is third, Sanely is second, and shocker of all shockers, Olympia takes the gold again. Hold on, let me find my shocked face.
Back when CM Punk was cool. Remember those days?
4:08: MICROS TIME! Will it be KeMonito? Will it be KeMalito? Will one of them attack the other?! One thing for sure is that Tengu is the bronze.
4:09: KEMONITO TAKES THE SILVER, WHICH MEANS KEMALITO HAS PREVAILED! I am disappointed to say that no violence occurred after this. Come on CMLL; KeMonito vs. KeMalito is a generational rivalry. How are the people supposed to believe if they aren’t attacking each other over something as prestigious as the Bodybuilding Contest!
4:11: Is it Astral’s time again? Will he be dethroned? Find out on the next exciting episode of CMLL BODYBUILDING CONTEST Z! But seriously, find out now, cause they’re announcing it.
4:12: Fifth place is Dragon Rojo Jr., which is an accomplishment when you consider he didn’t tear his ACL doing this. Diamond is fourth (disappointing for him), Angelito is third, and…Action Jackson is second, which means, much like The Vacancy, ASTRAL IS STILL THE KING! At least of this division; he still has Mr. CMLL to go.
4:14: In the final three man group, Valiente takes third, Blue Panther Jr. takes second, and Crixus stands alone. Poor Junior; he couldn’t even have this. Somehow it’s still better than Valiente, who went from losing his mask and placing high in this competition earlier this year to losing his Aniversario moment to Euforia AND placing third in a three man group. The price you pay for bringing back the speedo look. I tried to warn him!
4:15: With all of that out of the way, it should be time the moment of the evening; the crowning of Mr. and Mrs. CMLL. Anyone got that Leo gif handy?
4:17: Astral has come out, as has Crixus. And so it has come down to this. A pose to the death, MANO Y MANO, MAN TO MAN! Just Astral and Crixus and my GUUUAAARDS…oops, sorry, just turned into Roger Rees in Robin Hood: Men in Tights for a second.
4:20: The announcer is actually asking fans if they’d pick Astral or Crixus, nearly scaring me into thinking this would be a fan vote situation! Both competitiors walk to the back, the music fades out, and it looks like the judges are debating the choices. So I guess we’re still a few minutes away from the Leo gif actually being relevant.
4:22: Here come the Lutteroth’s so it’s definitely time for the winner. And it appears the winner, and….STILL MR. CMLL IS NONE OTHER THAN ASTRAL!
4:23: In another shocking development, Olympia was named Mrs. CMLL. She and Astral proceed to share a rather long lip lock, then do some poses. Wait…are they a couple? That’s almost unfair if they’re a couple! Astral then takes the microphone to cut yet another victory promo. That gives him more Bodybuilding Contest victory promos than he’s had pushes. ZING! Sorry King, had to do it.
And that’s it! The 2024 CMLL Bodybuilding Contest is in the books, and boy was it really, really, REALLY long at just under three and a half hours. Fortunately, it was also a lot of fun, featured plenty of laughs, TUMBLES, a man named Fresh, a techno soundtrack that I will never forget (for better and for worse), and, at the end of it all, a happy ending. Seriously; there was no other happy ending other than Astral winning his sixth Mr. CMLL title, putting him in the Mt. Rushmore of accomplishments alongside Jordan’s six rings, Jeter’s five World Series titles, Brady’s seven Super Bowl wins, Wayne Gretzky’s four Stanley Cup’s, and however many Oscar nods Peter O’Toole had without winning (seriously, how did he lose for Lawrence of Arabia?!). And with that, I don’t know what else there is to say, other than, Grodd willing, we will all meet against next year for the 2025 CMLL Bodybuilding Contest, The Search for More Money. Till then, watch for those arrows, and your two scheming, good for nothing kids.
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