Sports fans, it’s about to crazy. Why? Because I’m doing a mega review of tonight’s AEW Dark and Gatoh Move’s ChocoPro #115 back to back AND I’M DOING IT ON A WHIM! This is what happens when you’ve had buffalo bites for dinner and you’re stuck in your TEW file. And also when both shows promise to be a good time, what with Marty “The Moth” Martinez wrestling Jungle Boy and CHRIS BROOKES VS. BASED QUEEN EMI SAKURA! Have I sold you yet? No? Well what can you do? Other than get this review started of course. GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE! Can you tell how excited I am?

 

 

Eddie Kingston & Jon Moxley defeated Brandon Watts & Randy Summers (Milk Chocolate) after Eddie pinned Summers with the Violent Crown (Clothesline/Half and Half Suplex). Milk Chocolate lasted as long as, well, milk chocolate lasts in your mouth. In other words, NOT VERY LONG! Mox and Eddie got into the ring, they attacked Watts and Summers immediately and then just took turns obliterating poor Summers before the finish. On the one hand I feel for Watts and Summers because they’re a good team and this could’ve been a fun match if booked as such. On the other hand Eddie and Mox destroyed them in such a delightful way that I can’t be mad. Those are the rules! So yeah; fun squash. Sorry Milk Chocolate! Hope to see you at Beyond Wrestling again soon. * ½ 

 

Colt Cabana, Evil Uno and Five (The Dark Order) defeated Andrew Palace, Cole Karter and Spencer Slate after Uno pinned Slate with a Cross Armed Flatliner. A lot going on in this match. First, Colt Cabana used his ass as a weapon so much that I’m surprised Ryosuke Taguchi didn’t parachute in with a Cease & Desist. Second, Excalibur and Taz subtly argued over how to pronounce Andrew Palace’s name because why not? And yes it made me immediately think of this.

 

 

This was…there? Honestly it was caught between being a regular match and a squash and that’s never a good thing when a match can’t make up its mind between the two. As such we got a nice standing elbow drop from Slate, Palace acted like he was Joey Janela’s disowned second cousin and Karter…was also there, while the Dark Order got their stuff in and looked good doing so. So yeah; good stuff from the Dark Order, little from the other guys, less than two stars here we come! * ¾ 

 

Diamante was interviewed by Tony Schiavone and for some reason went off on Kris Statlander. What the hell DIamante?! Said she was going to prove to Statlander, the world and the galaxy what she was all about later tonight. I hope this works out for Diamante but come on; we all know you don’t mess with the greatest alien since the Alien Bounty Hunter from The X-Files. 

Lance Archer defeated Angel Fashion after pinning Fashion with the Hellicoaster. Jake Roberts was at commentary to prove that yes, you can make Excalibur and Taz crack up more than when it’s just the two of them. This was a strong squash match here. Angel Fashion, back after a bit of a hiatus, has sneakily been really good in his Dark appearances and he sold his ass off for Archer and was able to even get a few hope spots in. I feel like he’s one solid singles match away from showing people he’s got Baron Black esq ability, but maybe that’s just me. Oh and Archer was great too. What do you want me to say; first he’s always great and second, he might hunt me down if I don’t say that! Now can we put him with Marty “The Moth” before the Marty heads back to Utah? * ¾

 

Aaron Solow, Nick Comoroto and QT Marshall (The Factory) defeated Jake Logan, Rick Recon and Ryzin after QT pinned Ryzin with a Diamond Cutter. That was all QT did during the match; he spent the rest of it chilling on the ring steps, looking blue than the Pacific Ocean in Red’s dreams. The rest of the match was Comoroto running over dudes and Solow coming in there to for a few moves before Comoroto proceeded to continue running over dudes. The only one he didn’t run over was Recon, who I’m not sure even entered this match. If he did he made no impression, similar to Logan, while Ryzin had another solid performance. After the match QT, who had been heckled with “YOU TAPPED OUT!” chants from the crowd throughout the match put Ryzin in the Figure Four. Wonder if that loss against Cody is affecting him. **

 

Backstage Cezar Bononi, JD Drake, Peter Avalon and Lil Ziggler tried to figure out whether they were the Pretty Picture or The Wingmen. Eventually they went full Stewie Griffin and went with both. At least I believe they did; I was laughing too hard to notice. Highlight of the segment was them all touching pinkie fingers and Avalon then going “touch tips baby!” Highest of comedy. 

 

Brian Pillman Jr. & Griff Garrison (The Varsity Blondes) defeated Jaylen Bradyn & Traevon Jordan after Garrison pinned Bradyn after an Assisted Powerbomb. The Blondes came out with Julia Hart, who has a cheerleader gimmick, which I guess makes her the Varsity Blondes’ official cheerleader. We’ll see where it goes but I like the idea. If nothing else it automatically puts Hart in the top five cheerleaders in wrestling history, behind only Kenny Dykstra, Mikey, Dolph and the legend Johnny Jeter. Sorry Mitch. At least you got to date Torrie Wilson!

 

 

This was solid stuff. Pillman and Garrison continue to be a really well rounded team and they had good opponents in Bradyn and Jordan, who made a good first impression in their first Dark appearance. I like the dynamic of the two; Bradyn brings the speed and athleticism, Jordan brings the power. Very Hart Foundation esq and hopefully we see more of the guys, especially Jordan. A nice, solid match and a good win for the Blondes. ** ½ 

 

Diamante defeated Willow Nightingale after pinning Nightingale with a Code Red. Diamante said she was going to show the galaxy and I guess she did just that! This was another solid match, though a bit lesser than the last one. You never know what you’re getting from Diamante and this match pretty much exemplified that; one moment she looked really good and other moments could’ve gone better. I was more impressed with Nightingale, a really good indie worker in her second AEW appearance who came off even better than the first time with Thunder Rosa. She’s got great agility for being a power worker, got some nice reversals; hopefully this leads to AEW continuing to use her because she’s got something. Maybe they can bring her partner Solo Darling in too! Perhaps someday. ** ¼ 

 

Dante Martin defeated Aaron Frye after pinning Frye with that Gravity Defying 450 Splash. I hope Dante is working on his promos because if he is he’s going to be headlining AEW PPV’s in ten years with future mega stars Hook and Negative One. He’s very quickly evolving into a quality all around worker in these Dark appearances and this was yet another strong piece of work against a guy in Aaron Frye who isn’t as accomplished as, say, Dante’s opponent last week Danny Limelight. Fortunately what Frye lacks in notoriety he makes up for in ability, and he did a good job hanging with Dante throughout. I wouldn’t quite say this was good but it was borderline, and further proof of how good Dante is becoming. He and Pillman should be guys getting singles looks in the near distant future, separate from their tag teams. ** ¾ 

 

Nyla Rose defeated Ashley D’Amboise after pinning D’Amboise with the Beast Bomb. I believe Vickie Guerrero’s annual running down of Justin Roberts and her subsequent introducing of Rose lasted longer than this match. As well it should; D’Amboise has some athleticism but this is a situation where Nyla should’ve gone in, run her over and that’s exactly what she did. Good squash, nothing more, nothing less. * ½ 

 

The Dark Order cut a promo about the Hardy Family Office beating them up last night on Dark: Elevation. John Silver was the man yet again before Alex Reynolds cut a really good promo warning the HFO that Dark Order would take them out. Evil Uno then cut a promo hyping up Ten before his match with JD Drake later in the show.

 

Cezar Bononi & Lil Ziggler (The Pretty Picture/Wingmen) defeated Adrian Alanis & Liam Grey (Skulk) after Lil Ziggler pinned Grey with the Rude Awakening. I can’t believe the day has come sports fans…but between the addition of JD Drake, the hilariously over the top new music and that gorram Sex Sled that brings Peter Avalon to the ring, I must confess that I have been won over by Lil Ziggler. Send your hate mail to fallenhero17@yahoo.com. Boy I’m going to regret that tomorrow. 

 

 

Seriously though; this is an easy stable to love here. Not only do they have two legit good workers in Avalon and Drake, but the personalities all work, Bononi and Ziggler work so much better in a group than by themselves and most importantly, these four work great as a lower card stable that can get wins here on Dark and then put over more over acts. You always need a group like that in your promotion and these guys fit it to a T. And again; they’re not bad. Bononi is showing real improvement (and a lot more confidence), Lil Ziggler is far more bearable when he’s in the ring only half the time and they had good opponents in Alanis and Grey, who put forth their best work yet on Dark or Elevation (especially Grey). A really solid encounter here. ** ¼ 

 

Jungle Boy defeated Marty “The Moth” Martinez after submitting Marty with the Snare Trap. Yes I know he’s Marty Casaus now but as long as I am around The Moth will always be referred to as Marty “The Moth” and Marty “The Moth” alone! Got to keep the legacy alive somehow. It was great to see Marty back a few weeks ago in a good match against fellow LU alumni Brian Cage and he honestly looked even better here. He didn’t hit the over the rope suicida like last time, but he found other ways to show off his athleticism while also looking more confident and more in his element (the Cage match was the first match he had had in a few years if I recall). He also got to work as a crazed heel, which you may remember is Marty’s best strength, and Jungle Boy was the perfect babyface for him to work with. Easily the best match to this point and another strong performance from Marty. Hopefully he gets to come back after his wedding because he still has a ton to offer to pro wrestling. *** ¼ 

Big Swole & Red Velvet defeated Ashley MK & Steff MK (The MK Twins) after Velvet pinned one of the MK Twins (I can’t tell them apart!) with the Just Desserts (Rolling Kick). This was good stuff. I’m a bit surprised but only because I expected Swole and Velvet to run the MK Twins over and instead Ashley and Steff got plenty of shine. Most importantly they looked good getting that shine; their offense is unique, they work hard, they have good pace and they had two opponents in Velvet and (especially) Swole who sold well for him. On the other side Swole and Velvet continue to be a strong team; Swole has a ton of confidence right now and Velvet is now a complete performer now that she’s gone with that Just Desserts kick as her finisher. So much better than the running kick. This was breezy, it was fun and it was better than I expected. Good tag match. ***

 

Ten defeated “Just Delicious” JD Drake after submitting Ten with the Master Lock. I’m not sure what was worse for Drake; losing to the Master Lock or being referred to as “an absolute snack” and the “Rhinestone Cowboy” by Taz and Excalibur during this match. Of course I found that all hysterical so maybe he did too! This was easily the best performance I’ve ever seen from Ten. I’m not sure it was a better match than the Darby match but that was largely Darby; this was Ten matching a really strong performance from the always reliable Drake. They beat the tar out of each other in this match, with Drake going full All Japan at times. Very nice back and forth stuff and a great sign for Ten’s future, especially if he continues to be put in matches like this. *** ½ 

 

Anthony Bowens & Max Caster (The Acclaimed) defeated Joey Janela & Sonny Kiss after Caster pinned Janela with the Acclaim to Fame. This match began with one of the greatest moments in AEW history when Max Caster came out and outdid himself in the rap department. There was a Zandig namedrop, stuff about booty and even a booty dance. It was so good that it legit broke Excalibur and Taz in addition to myself. I dare say it was one of the best moments in AEW history; you have to watch this immediately. In fact, here’s the link so you can do so.

 

.@PlatinumMax doing his thing 🎤 as #4 ranked #TheAcclaimed are set to take on @SonnyKissXO & @JANELABABY on #AEWDark!

Watch Dark now at https://t.co/baPW3VUxNP pic.twitter.com/bYHAkR9olv

— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) May 12, 2021

 

Somehow the match that followed it was nearly as impressive. I expected this would be a low end, good match that only went about six minutes, and the next thing I knew Janela was selling a leg injury and this was going north of ten. And it all worked because Joey sold his ass off making you believe his leg was really hurt, even doing an intentional botch going for an elbow drop. And the Cornette losers say Joey can’t work! That really added some story to the match, especially as Joey tried (and ultimately failed) to work through it, while Sonny looked really crisp and the Acclaimed came off really dastardly working that leg over. Bowens in particular looked really good in this match; add him to the list of AEW talent who appears to have come back from injury even better than before. Between the rap, Joey’s selling and the all around good work, this was a home run of a segment and match. ****

 

Brian Cage defeated Bear Bronson after pinning Bronson with an incredible Drill Claw. Seriously, have you seen Bear Bronson? That’s a lot of beef to get up and Cage got him up! We learned prior to this match that Bear Boulder is out with an injury, explaining Bear Bronson going out on his own here. Like Dante Martin he made the most of his minutes in a second straight great match. This is everything you’d want from these two; nonstop, hard hitting action between two beefy dudes, with some nice athleticism thrown in. Bronson more than showed he’s a capable singles wrestler Cage was marvelous again. He really does a hell of a job in matches like this giving less established guys a big rub (he did it with Marty last week) while still getting decisive wins. The sign of a great worker right there. This was just as good as the previous tag and a great showcase for a guy in Bear Bronson who doesn’t get these opportunities every day. ****

 

Powerhouse Hobbs defeated Mike Sydal after pinning Sydal with the Emerald Frosion. This was power vs. speed and, spoiler alert, speed did not win! It was fun while it lasted though. They told a nice story with the dynamic, Mike Sydal had a few nice moments and Powerhouse Hobbs looked like an absolute machine. He had a running crossbody during this match that was out of this world great, and that’s saying something because there was a lot of strong stuff on this show. Matt Sydal came out after the match after Hobbs hit a Rainmaker on Mike so I’m guessing we’ll be getting Matt Sydal vs. Powerhouse Hobbs. Sign me up! Good close to an AEW Dark that turned out to be quite great. *** ¼ 

 

Now time to waste sports fans. ONTO BASED CHOCOPRO!

 

 

Yuna Mizumori defeated Chie Koishikawa after pinning Psycho Chie with a Wall Run Splash. By Grodd I have missed ChocoPro! Boy was this a perfect way to dive back in. The only flaw here was that I missed a couple moments of this match here and there due to outside forces distracting me. And this match still knocked my socks off. Great back and forth action with Mizumori using her power to get the edge over Psycho Chie, who fought back by being that nonstop ball of psychotic energy that you can only find in Surge citrus soda and Jet Set Radio. She also broke out that wondrous Stretch Muffler; it’s always a good day when one does that. Honestly though I was just struck by how much better Chie is than the last time I saw her. And mind you she was really good just a few weeks ago. That’s the beauty of ChocoPro and how Emi runs things; she takes good talents and can make them even better in the span of a few weeks. Tremendous opener. **** ¼

 

Yuna Mizumori defeated Chie Koishikawa after pinning Psycho Chie with a Wall Run Splash. By Grodd I have missed ChocoPro! Boy was this a perfect way to dive back in. The only flaw here was that I missed a couple moments of this match here and there due to outside forces distracting me. And this match still knocked my socks off. Great back and forth action with Mizumori using her power to get the edge over Psycho Chie, who fought back by being that nonstop ball of psychotic energy that you can only find in Surge citrus soda and Jet Set Radio. She also broke out that wondrous Stretch Muffler; it’s always a good day when one does that. Honestly though I was just struck by how much better Chie is than the last time I saw her. And mind you she was really good just a few weeks ago. That’s the beauty of ChocoPro and how Emi runs things; she takes good talents and can make them even better in the span of a few weeks. Tremendous opener. **** ¼ 

 

Baliyan Akki & Mei Suruga (Best Bros) defeated Lulu Pencil & Minoru Fujita (Pencil Army) after Cool Ass Mei pinned Pencil with a Jackknife Roll Up following a Double Stomp. Boy I hope to never hate something as much as Mei hates the Pencil Army. Did you see her before this match? I haven’t seen hatred like this since the last episode of Law & Order: Organized Crime. 

 

 

Anyways, this match is what happens when the brilliance of the Best Bros met the wackiness of Pencil Army. As it turns out it’s pretty much the same when they’re both separate! There was plenty of comedy in this match, with the most brilliant part being Lulu Pencil breaking out marbles (yes, MARBLES) in order to gain an advantage. And it worked! I saw Cool Ass Mei slip on them and everything. There was also an abundance of great wrestling. No one will ever confuse Lulu of being 2021 Laredo Kid but she worked hard here, she did a few things out of her comfort zone and never looked out of place. And the big players stepped up; Mei brought the intensity (and scissors, which she almost stabbed Lulu with!), Fujita brought his sneaky ability (in addition to his many belts. Kenny Omega needs to look into him)and Baliyan Akki continues to be a talent that is just waiting for the right platform to break out. He is tremendous and he needs to come with Konosuke Takeshita the next time he comes to AEW. I decree it! There’s been better Best Bro tag matches but given who was involved, this was a high end match that delivered. **** ¼

 

Chris Brookes and Emi Sakura wrestled to a no contest after Mei Suruga called the match off following Chris Brookes absolutely losing his gorram mind. I have apparently missed a bit. It seems Chris Brookes betrayed Lulu Pencil since I last watched ChocoPro, in part setting this match with Emi up. Boy did that turn out to be a great decision because this match was awesome and the angle coming out of it with Brookes going crazy was even better. I loved every minute of this. There was some comedy involved here (it wouldn’t be a Pencil Army match without it), but the story at large was Brookes just being a vicious prick, pulverizing Emi every chance he got with Emi fighting from underneath. It was a great story with predictably great wrestling from two pros, and it got better and better and better until the action exploded with Brookes attacking basically everyone in the room. Just fantastic and in one fell swoop ChocoPro has their own Rickey Shane Page in Brookes and a potential Nick Gage in the form of Lulu Pencil. Imagine Pencil getting her first big win over Brookes? The scenes I tell you; the scenes! I think that’s where we’re going, but only time will tell. Regardless, this was a hot start to this aspect of the angle, with a great match to boot. Must see stuff. **** ¾ 

 

All the wrestling is over sports fans, which means there’s only one let to do. You wanted the best? YOU’VE GOT THE BEST! THE HOTTEST TOURNAMENT IN THE WORLD, JANKEN! (“Shout it Out Loud” intensifies). 

 

 

Yuna Mizumori defeated Emi Sakura with Scissors on the first try. Rough few minutes for poor Emi.

 

Minoru Fujita defeated Chie Koishikawa with Rock on the second try. DOWN GOES PSYCHO CHIE! DOWN GOES PSYCHO CHIE!

 

Masahiro Takanashi defeated…someone (didn’t recognize her and she didn’t wrestle) with Scissors on the first try. 

 

Lulu Pencil defeated Chris Brookes by forfeit. Long term booking with this result!

 

Lulu Pencil defeated Yuna Mizumori with Rock on the first try. CLIMB THE LADDER LULU! MAKE YOURSELF FAMOUS!

 

Baliyan Akki defeated Minoru Fujita with Scissors on the first try. Speaking of long term booking! Finally Akki gets some revenge on the man that bested him for the Super Asia Championship. Now if only he could do that in the rematch, whenever that takes place (soon? hopefully?!).

 

Masahiro Takanashi defeated Mei Suruga with Rock on the first try. Man none of these are going past the first round. I usually root for Mei to win these, but her reaction to losing here was Max Caster rap levels of funny so I’ll let it slide this once.

 

Yuna Mizumori defeated Baliyan Akki with Paper on the first try. Didn’t Yunamon get eliminated? Maybe she just subbed in for Brookes too? Who can say for sure and who am I to question the sacred Janken rule book?

 

Masahiro Takanashi defeated Lulu Pencil with Scissors on the first try. TAKANASHI HAS SIDED WITH CHRIS BROOKES AGAINST PENCIL ARMY! I always knew he and his orange pants were up to no good.

 

Masahiro Takanashi defeated Yuna Mizumori with Paper on the first try. Masahiro Takanashi is the ChocPro #115 Janken Tournament winner. If you’re keeping score, only one match up went past the first try, Yunamon worked twice and closeted Chris Brookes supporter Takanashi is your winner. A dark day sports fans. A DARK DAY INDEED!

And so the long trek has ended. Hope you enjoyed this mega review of these two mega awesome shows sport fans. I’m off to rest. TILL NEXT TIME!

 

 

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RELATED NOTE: AEW Dark Episode 88 (05/11/2021) 

AEW Dark Episode 88 (05/11/2021)