There I was earlier today, all excited for tonight’s Lucha Underground Season Four premiere and thinking it be nice to do another old school LU review…when I learned the season was kicking off with Aztec Warfare. Don’t get me wrong; I’m a big fan of the idea. Getting Aztec Warfare (consistently a highlight of the first few seasons) to kick off the season and get it out of the way so the show can then immediately kick into gear is a great idea overall. You just can’t do a regular review of Aztec Warfare though; too much is going on! So what’s the plan for the review tonight? It’s your lucky day sports fans because the Running Diary is back for this special occasion. Let’s get started!

 

LET-THERE-BE-MORE-LUCHA

 

7:56: We are live from the Palace of Cult and the cinematic classic Over the Top is about to wrap up. Can I just say; Over the Top, not as good as The Karate Kid or Rocky. Although I will give the film credit for a) not wrapping things up it two seconds like Karate Kid did (seriously, he gets the trophy, gets carried out and that’s it. Can’t we savor Daniel-San’s victory dammit?!) and b) making arm wrestling interesting. And that’s saying something Hayden Christensen narrating Twilight isn’t as boring as that shit is.

 

8:00: WE’RE BACK BABY DOLL!

 

8:01: In a very smart move, LU just recapped all the important things from last season before ending with Dario being shot….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! We are now at Dorian’s funeral and he is in the casket. He is dead. Although…maybe it’s a wax mannequin. I’M IN DENIAL DAMMIT!

 

8:04: My Grodd there is a lot to take in here. They established they have moved to the ice table and, in a major twist, revealed that Antonio Cueto, Dario’s father and new Temple boss, ORDERED THE HIT ON HIS OWN SON! That is some cold blooded bullshit right there. Basically he and Agent Winter are aligned with the Lord and Antonio ordered the hit on his son in order to get their plans for the Lord’s ascension back on track. I don’t know; TOO MUCH IS GOING ON!

 

8:06: We’re back in the Temple for a ten bell salute for Dario. There’s actually kids in the audience crying. In fairness I’m on the verge of tears myself; IT’S EL JEFE DAMMIT! There is only one of him. The tribute is interrupted however by Antonio Cueto is out to interrupt it, who declares he’s the new owner and promoter of LU and is tossing Dario’s portrait out of the ring. Man he hates his son something fierce huh? He’s now declaring Pentagon Dark will defend the Lucha Underground title tonight and, there you, it’s Aztec Warfare. And we’re going into it right after the commercial break!

 

8:11: That was quick! We’re back from the break and Killshot and Big Willie are in the ring with Dante Fox nowhere to be seen. Nuevo El Jefe (see what I did there?) declares these guys are in number one and two and that whoever is number three will be their new partner. Huh? Is Fox gone? Is this a trios match or something? In any event Son of Havoc is out, he’s declared the new member of the Mack/Killshot team and the new trios champion and these three guys are the first three dudes in the match. Now I really have no idea what’s going on.

 

8:14: Finally the match is under way. Big Willie was thrown to the ring and Killshot got the advantage on Havoc right as Joey Ryan comes in at number four. Matt Striker brings up how Joey Ryan has avoided action in this match the last two seasons and sure enough he’s handcuffing himself to the ropes. Pretty dumb as Joey is immediately double teamed by Killshot and Mack.

 

8:15: These entries are coming quick. Jesse Godderz, aka Mr. Pectacular is in, and he’s a house of fire for approximately a minute before Killshot floors him. Havoc then comes into the corner with a handspring elbow and Mack hits a running Senton on Godderz. And just like the good news ends for Mack as Killshot surprises him with a roll up and the pin! Mack is out already and by his own partner?! Dante Fox was right to be mad about Killshot all of last season! Too bad he wasn’t here to bask in being right.

 

8:20: You know…I just realized Joey Ryan is supposed to be dead, killed by actor Stephen Amell. Does that mean he’s appearing in LU as a ghost, just like Catrina?! Anyways, we’re back, Pentagon is the new entry and he is owning the noobs! And now he’s set his sights on handcuffed ghost Joey Ryan.

 

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8:22: Pentagon nails Ryan with the Three Up, Three Down Driver and bye bye Ghost Ryan. Killshot then tries to roll up Havoc like he did Mack, only it doesn’t work and he ends up getting massacred by a Pentagon Package Piledrvier and a Havoc Shooting Star. Killshot is now gone. That’s two big names, Mack and Killshot, already gone and HOLY SHIT THAT’S TOMMY DREAMER!

 

8:23: Dreamer and Pentagon have a stareoff as Mariposa makes her way down. He tells Mariposa to hold the phone and does a baseball slide into a trashcan that Pentagon happened to be behind. Mariposa then takes control with kendo shots to Dreamer, Pentagon and Havoc. Dreamer goes to the floor, Pentagon goes for a dive and BAM! Kendo stick to dome.

 

8:25: Havoc eliminates Mariposa. Meanwhile Dreamer and Pentagon are in the crowd and DREAMER IS POURING THUMB TACKS ONTO THE SEATS! Talk about making a statement on your lone night. Unfortunately Pentagon gets out of a suplex position and HE SPEARED HIM ONTO THE TACKS1 Nice knowing you Tommy.

 

8:26: Pentagon takes Dreamer back to the ring and hits a double stomp for the pin. Out next is VINNIE MASSARO! AND HE’S HAD A PIZZA DELIVERED TO HIM! The only thing better than this is Vampiro mocking Vinnie’s inclusion in this match. Hilarious.

 

8:27: AND IT GETS FUNNIER! Vinnie went to eat the pizza, Pentagon nailed him with a kick and BODIED HIM ONTO THE PIZZA BOX! A top ten LU moment in history I’ll say. Vinnie is gone and now HERNANDEZ?! He’s back? Is Bengala making an appearance too?

 

8:28: Hernandez barely lasts as long as Vinnie! Pentagon gets a hold of his arm and pretty much snaps it off. That’s enough to get the pin and it’s only Pentagon and Havoc now. Havoc gets a near fall but then backflips into a Pentagon lung blower and now he’s gone! This is exactly what LU needed to do with Pentagon; have him just own everyone. It’ll get tougher now though as Johnny Mundo is coming out as we go to break!

 

8:33: We’re back and Mundo and Pentagon are wasting now time exchanging strikes. Mundo gets the advantage by going really fast and eventually hits a Standing Spanish Fly for a near fall. The next spot is up and Angelico’s music is playing…but no one comes out. As expected, he isn’t there. A second later the door opens and Ricky Mundo appears with a doll. As per usual in LU, things just seem to be getting…stranger.

 

8:35: Johnny and Ricky play nice for a few moments, but can’t put away Pentagon. Ricky then tries to pin Johnny, fails and Johnny makes him pay with a Moonlight Drive for the pin. Take the doll and leave Ricky! Fenix is now out and I think this gif speaks for everyone when it says…

 

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8:36: Fenix hasn’t been in for a minute and he’s already had the five most impressive moments of the match. I can’t even describe some of the things he did! No one is eliminated though and Jeremiah Crane is out to fulfill Wayne Utterbuck’s fantasy immediately. Crane gets the advantage, sets up a chair, the two reverse out of a few moves and Crane finally gets the advantage to Falcon Arrow Fenix onto the edge of the chair. Only a near fall and out comes Mil Muertes and Catrina. Catrina’s outfit is the stuff dreams are made of. MY GRODD!

 

8:39: Everyone has ganged up on Mil! What a smart strategy and it works immediately. Mil is worn down and Fenix connects with an UNREAL reverse double stomp that sends Mil to the showers. That’s an upset and a half. Catrina is pissed off and leaves without Mil just as Daga comes out with Kobra Moon. He’s immediately on a roll with a cutter on Fenix and a END OF HEARTACHE on Mundo.

 

8:40: Chavo Guerrero is out to a massive pop! Jeremiah Crane decides to mouth off at Chavo, which leads to Pentagon sneaking in and hitting the Three Up, Three Down Driver on Crane to eliminate him. Chavo then comes in, goes back and forth with Fenix, hits a suplex…and pins him. What the what? That was very bizarre to say the least.

 

8:42: Mundo has an excellent sequence where he hits Daga with a sliding German Suplex, followed by an End of the World for the pin. King Cuerno is the next guy. this match is simultaneously really fun and really weird. It’s like the Rocky Horror Picture Show of Aztec Warfare’s.

 

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8:44: Cuerno hits his amazing suicide dive on Pentagon, which gives way to El Dragon Azteca coming out. He’s a house of fire, hits a great Pizza DDT on Mundo and then an even better over the turnbuckle dive on Pentagon. Kobra Moon is now back out for some reason…and there’s the Luchasaurus. She must not be happy Mundo eliminated Daga and yup that’s totally it! Vibora owns Mundo with a Chokeslam, a knee and a Tombstone and that’s it for Mundo after Marty “The Moth” comes down and gets the pin. Marty is the last guy out I think so we’re down to Pentagon, Marty and…I don’t even know who else!

 

8:50: We’re back from break and onto the home stretch. El Dragon Azteca goes for a dive on Chavo but Chavo instead throws a chair right into his dome! Chavo is going up top, but Cuerno pulls him down and hits a Frog Splash on Azteca instead for the pin. It’s down to Chavo, Cuerno, Pentagon and Marty. What a weird ass final four.

 

8:52: WHAT A KNEE BY CUERNO! He’s going for the Thrill of the Hunt on Pentagon but Chavo stops him with a kick to the thigh. He then plants Cuerno with a Gory Bomb and Chavo is somehow in the final three. It just gets stranger. Luckily the weirdness ends as Pentagon nails Chavo with a superkick and Chavo is out. Unbelievably, this final two is down to Marty and Pentagon. MARTY AND PENTAGON! I would’ve lost money on that one.

 

8:54: HOLY SUPERKICK BATMAN! HOLY BICYCLE KICK BATMAN! Marty manages to hit Pentagon with the TKO but Pentagon kicks out. Sorry Marty; I just got the feeling it’s Pentagon’s night. OR IS IT?! Marty hits the Curb Stomp and MY GRODD THEY GOT ME! I thought he had it but Pentagon just got out.

 

8:55: Lung Blower by Pentagon…Marty kicks out! They’re doing nice by Marty here. Pentagon nails the Moth with a kick, yells something at him and does the Cero Miedo taunt. MISTAKE! Marty bites Pentagon’s hand AND HITS A DOUBLE ARM DDT! ANOTHER NEAR FALL! This has been a great final two.

 

8:56: Pentagon is one corner. Marty is in another. Marty charges and misses, allowing Pentagon to go up and destroy him with, ironically, a Canadian Destroyer. Pentagon then picks up Marty and puts an exclamation point on it with a Package Piledriver to make Pentagon the first man to successfully defend the title in an Aztec Warfare match. Well done!

 

8:58: And he’s not done! Pentagon brings Marty back into the ring and THERE GOES THE ARM! Poor Marty; he was so good and that’s all he gets. Antonio Cueto is out, talks about how Dario would’ve booked Pentagon in another match right now. He’s not Dario though…which I’m not sure is a good thing because he’s got Pentagon going against Matanza next week for the title! That’s a big match…even bigger because Pentagon has never beaten Matanza.

 

There you have it sports fans. What a fun and yet weird Aztec Warfare. There were a few things I wouldn’t have done, such as Chavo pinning Fenix, Mack and Killshot being eliminated early, Chavo eliminating Cuerno…really Chavo just going into the final three. He didn’t look bad at all granted but I mean…come on peeps, he shouldn’t be lasting longer than a fair portion of the guys he beat. Throw in a few clunky moments and this was definitely the fourth best Aztec Warfare match of the bunch. That said it was still a very good match. Fenix was outstanding when he was in there. Pentagon’s performance was even better and LU’s booking of him couldn’t have been stronger. The final exchange between Marty and Pentagon was excellent and makes me want to see them work together again. And once we got further into the match the action felt much more like LU than it did to start. I’ll give it the seal of approval and I wouldn’t be surprised if next week flows a little better with less people to juggle. We’ll see though.

 

That’s game sports fans. I’ll see you tomorrow for the CMLL Super Viernes preview, which is going to be all sorts of normalcy compared to what we just saw. Till then, accept Pentagon Dark as your lord and savior.

 

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