In the words of potentially late Lucha Underground “owner and promoter” Dario Cueto, tonight…is an extraordinary night. That’s because there’s not one but two big lucha libre shows going on at the same time. At the top of the hour (10 EST) Impact vs. Lucha Underground will be going live in New Orleans with one of the biggest shows in wrestling weekend. Just a little bit west, CMLL will be doing what they usually do; putting on their usual Super Viernes show at 9:30 EST. This presents a conundrum for me; on the one hand, I watch and review CMLL every week. On the other hand, LUCHA UNDERGROUND IS DOING A SHOW AND HOW CAN I MISS IT?! So I’m going to compromise; we’re gonna do a running diary of both shows, at the same time! You may be thinking that’s crazy. Well you would be right! But never fear; I’ve loaded up on Sunkist and Pizza Pringles and if anyone can get this job done, it’ll be me! Plus it’s possible the CMLL stream will be geoblocked and I’ll just have to watch LU, but we’ll cross that bridge soon. But for now, let’s begin!

 

LET-THERE-BE-MORE-LUCHA

 

9:28: We are live from…my couch, Pizza Pringles to the right, Sunkist to the left and the Impact Twitch channel on my TV screen (thank you Playstation, even if you think you’re ejecting a disk because you’re terminally ill). Right now it’s just a lot of camera shots at the ring, so we’re probably going to be focusing on CMLL for the first half hour. Unless of course Scott Steiner comes back to tell Josh Matthews to go [radio edit] himself. Have I mentioned how happy I am Steiner is on this show?!

 

9:31: So potential problem; the CMLL stream is nowhere to be found! I can’t locate it on Facebook or Claro Sports at the moment, and the one person who normally would be able to (luchablog) is about to take in Impact vs. LU live from New Orleans! And now that stream has gone back to just being a screen promoting Impact stuff. I might have to break out one of them technical difficulty memes. You know what; let’s just do that anyway!

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9:37: Still nothing on the CMLL end and the Impact Twitch screen is still an abyss. Looks like I picked the wrong day to promote a running diary of two shows! At least we’re not at the point where I start typing out the lyrics for Pink Floyd’s “Waiting for the Worms.” Give it another few minutes though and I will be.

 

9:41: Still nothing. Alright, time for some Floyd (music hits) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU CANNOT REACH ME NOW! WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY…GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD! IT’S OVAH…WALK ON BY! (thumping sound, more thumping sounds, so many thumping sounds) Sittin in a bunker…HERE BEHIND MY WALL!!! WAITING FOR THE WORMS (the worms) TO COME (semi-cool drum solo)!

 

9:45: In perfect isolation…HERE BEHIND MY WALL! (awesome guitar rift) WAITING FORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR THE WORMS (the worms) TO COME! (loud speaker) Will the Audience convene at one fifteen, outside Brixton town hall, where we will be going…

 

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9:48: Still nothing. If we have no CMLL by 10 then it looks like this will just be “The Ultimate Impact vs. Lucha Underground Running Diary.” For now though, I need to keep singing Pink Floyd so I can do the gif with the hammers! WOULD?! Would you like to see…Britannia rule again…my friend?! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS FOLLOW THE WORMS! BUM, BA DUM DUM! BUM, BA DUM DUM (evil laugh). WOULD?! Would you like to see…Britannia rule again…my friend? ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS FOLLOW THE WORMS!

 

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9:51: FINALLY WE HAVE CMLL! The stream is up and it looks like I missed all of the opener between Los Cancerberos (Cancerbero and Raziel) against Electrio and Astral. Don’t worry; it appears Cancerbero and Raziel won…again! Perhaps we were better off with me going all Pink Floyd.

 

9:53: Seven minutes till touchdown with Impact v. LU: Dawn of Justice. Right now on CMLL we have Drone, Fuego and Triton preparing to take on Disturbio, Misterioso Jr. and Sagrado. If you recall from my preview, everyone here but Misterioso is really good, so this match by default should also be very good. Plus, TRITON! He’s one of my faves if you couldn’t tell.

 

9:57: Miserioso and Triton are captains, if you’re into knowing that sort of thing. Drone and Disturbio will start. Meanwhile we seem to be about to start Impact vs. LU! In case you didn’t already know, you can watch the show on Twitch and you can watch CMLL on the Marca Clara Facebook page. Just type that in and you’re good to go.

 

10:00: Fuego must be aware of what’s going on in New Orleans cause he just hit two consecutive suicide dives! Legend. It gets even worse for the rudos as Disturbio and Sagrado get pinned by a Triton leg drop and a Drone split legged moonsault respectively. 1-0 technicos after a hot start. Meanwhile, still now Impact vs. LU. I ain’t waiting all night dudes!

 

10:03:

 

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Impact vs. LU is live and Sagrado is in control. Or he was till Fuego came back in.

 

10:04: Hi Melissa Santos! She and some girl name McKenzie are coming out to announce the shows I suppose. Meanwhile we have a triple dive fake out in Arena Mexico, because fake dives is going to hold my attention!

 

10:06: We’re tied at one in Arena Mexico after Sagrado hits Triton with elbow drop. Match is going pretty well. In New Orleans, we’re starting off with the six way; Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Jack Evans vs. Matanza vs. Matt Sydal vs. Caleb Konley vs. Moose. Could be good! And holy hell is Chavo over.

 

10:08: When did Jack Evans become a skinhead?! He’s already talking trash as OH MY GOODNESS THAT MATANZA LOOK IS STILL SCARY AS HOLY HELL! Hopefully no one has told him that Dario is like…either dead or in a coma somewhere. Otherwise he’s gonna be rage quitting like holy hell.

 

10:09: Rudos are doing the usual triple team thing over on CMLL as Caleb Konley comes to the ring. Nothing I’ve seen yet has convinced me anyone other than Matanza is winning this match, as the technicos get a triple near fall.

 

10:10: MOOSE! MOOSE! MOOSE! Triton is getting rolling in CMLL by the by and OH MY WHAT AN ASAI MOONSAULT!

 

10:11: Drone with an Asai Moonsault! Lots of moonsaults here. Misterioso is prone in the ring, so Fuego comes off the ropes with a springboard frog splash and that’ll do it! Technicos take it in Arena Mexico. It felt like it didn’t get as much time as it could’ve, but I really liked what I saw. Strong work from those six, especially Triton. Back in New Orleans, Matt Sydal is coming down to the ring so that’s about to start.

 

10:13: Negro Casas, Cavernario and Felino coming down to the ring in CMLL and HERE WE GO IN NEW ORLEANS! Matanza and Moose have tossed everyone out of the ring, so it’s a big man’s face off…at least till Jack gets in there to get owned by both of them!

 

10:14: MATANZA BABY! Ah but Moose is up quick and WHAT A DROPKICK BY MOOSE! This is going to be fun. Meanwhile Kawato, Sam Adonis and Okumura are out to face La Peste Negra. Bear with me; I may unfortunately miss a few things here or there.

 

10:15: Sydal and Evans; dreams do come true. They’re having a nice back and forth until Jack eats a kick going for a springboard. Sydal is going for a dive…except Chavo is there to cut him off to a big pop. They do love Chavo here!

 

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10:16: Konley and Chavo doing a well paced, basic sequence right now. Near fall for Chavo on a suplex. Kawato and Cavernario are starting off in Arena Mexico while Matanza sends Konley to the floor.

 

10:17: Chavo avoids Moose, then dives out onto Matanza. Konley comes out of nowhere with a suicide dive and I guess we’re on the dive train as Sydal comes off the top with a moonsault. I can’t think it can get better than HOLY CRAP JACK EVANS IS DOING CRAZY SHIT! It was like a twisting springboard moonsault or something.

 

10:18: Near fall for Jack after a springboard kick and Ode to Blitzkrieg. Sydal comes back quickly with a near fall of his own before Moose spears him out of his boots. Konley comes in, heats a boot, somehow recovers well enough to hit a rana and avoids Moose hulking up to back chop him. As for CMLL…standard rudo beat down.

 

10:19: Nice knowing you Konley. Matanza just wasted him with a suplex and the Wrath of the Gods to win the match. I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU ALL! Strong match; it should’ve gotten more time, but it was fleet and fun while it lasted. And the right guy won of course.

 

10:22: Chavo stays behind to cut a promo. HOLY CRAP LU IS BACK ON JUNE 13th! AND WE GET A TRAILER!!!!

 

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10:24: Calm down Cult calm down! You’ve got two shows to review. It’s 1-1 in Arena Mexico after La Peste Negra leveled things up in fall two. Looks to be a solid match, largely built on Casas and Sam Adonis feuding again. Meanwhile on Impact vs. LU, Taya is out to take on Allie for the Impact Knockout’s Championship. Taya is super over too; great to see considering how hard she’s worked to become so good.

 

10:26: Cavernario and Okumura are having…an exchange. By that I mean Cav rubbed something weird on Ok’s face because of course he did. La Peste Negra’s second Zacarias is now hitting Okumura with a 619 as Taya and Allie lock up.

 

10:27: Here come Sam and Casas! The heat is real, and so is Casas’ dropkick that sends Sam to the floor. Felino and Kawato are in and, shockingly, they’re working pretty good together. Kawato sets Felino up on top for a rana, but Felino catches it and THAT IS A TOP ROPE POWERBOMB! How very UG of Felino.

 

10:28: Allie tried some deep arm drags but Taya actually stopped a second one with sheer brute strength. Nice. Allie winds up looking in the corner and Taya just knee’d her into oblivion. Holy shit; Zeuxis would give that knee attack five stars.

 

10:29: Casas is in trouble; Sam and Okumura just hit a double suplex on him for a near fall.

 

10:30: My friend Joe Brown on Taya; “I love her!” Get in line dude!

 

10:31: I only caught it out of the corner of my eye but it appears Sam shoved down the referee for the DQ (it was actually a Casas low blow). Ergo La Peste Negra wins! Okay match, but it was more or less about the heat more so than the work rate, as you can tell by Sam nailing a wounded Casas with his Donald Trump flag after the match.

 

10:32: Meanwhile in New Orleans, Taya is in complete control. Or she was till she started playing with her food. She nails Taya with some hard strikes, gets her in a seated position in the corner and hits three straight STIFF forearms. Taya just barely gets out at two on the cover.

 

10:34: Casas and Sam are issuing challenges while Allie hits Taya with a corner dropkick to the back. Taya is up quick with one hell of a wild German Suplex, followed by some corner clotheslines. Allie is prone and there is not one, not two but THREE KNEE attacks. Somehow Allie kicks out because there is no Grodd and the cage wasn’t 30 feet. Sorry Teddy.

 

10:35: DDT by Allie…Taya just kicks out. Crowd was more into this at the beginning I feel, but they’re rallying now. Allie with a waste lock…Taya reverses…Allie gets behind…that’s a backcracker/codebreaker combo! That’s enough for the three and Allie retains to a lot of boos. Alright then! Okay match, but the crowd kind of lost momentum as it went along and thus so did the match.

 

10:37: Poor Stuka and Valiente; they’re about to kick off their Lightning Match right as oVe is about to take on TEDDY HART AND BIG POPPA PUMP SCOTT STEINER! How am I supposed to pay attention to the Lightning Match? Honestly?!

 

10:38: Valiente Special by Valiente! They know they’ve got stiff competition so they’re starting fast.

 

10:40:

 

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Oh yeah, Stuka just hit an Asai Moonsault by the way. Steiner is by the way dressed in an nWo Wolfpac shirt because of course he is! SO MUCH STUFF IS GOING ON!

 

10:41: TEDDY HAS STARTED THINGS OFF WITH A THIRD ROPE ASAI MOONSAULT! Legend. He follows it up with a Powerbomb Lungblower because Teddy is the legend.

 

10:42: TEDDY TIME ALL THE TIME! Meanwhile Valiente and Stuka has been going really good. Great pace, lots of dives; just wrong placement on the card. Near fall for Stuka after a missed moonsault by Valiente.

 

10:43: What a job by Valiente; he turned a top rope arm drag into a Tequilla Sunrise style submission! That’s enough for the win and my that was good! It got overshadowed by Teddy and Steiner, but Valiente and Stuka did a hell of a job considering their limitations. Strong match. Meanwhile oVe is now teeing off on Hart while Steiner stands on the apron. HELP HIM DAMMIT!

 

10:45: The Crist’s have Teddy isolated in their corner as Steiner just screams at the ref. This is actually the right thing to do considering Teddy and oVe are the best guys in this match. You can just feel the crowd waiting to explode when Steiner gets in.

 

10:47: Man Teddy is selling for a long time. Meanwhile Dragon Lee, Titan and Mistico are coming out to take on Euforia, Gran Guerrero and Ultimo Guerrero. Unless something bad happens, that will be the best match on CMLL’s show. Easily.

 

10:48: HOLLA IF YA TAG ME!

 

10:49: Teddy has taken Dave Crist to the floor, leaving Scotty and Jake Crist in the ring. Jake goes for a dive and BAM! Caught into an STO by Steiner. Dave tries a dive and he gets caught with a Steiner Suplex. Steiner now has the Steiner Recliner on Jake and he is going to tap! Teddy and Scott are victorious and OH BOY THERE GOES THE REF! That was fun; silly, way to slow in the middle but fun. Teddy and the Crist’s all looked good and Steiner did what Steiner does, other than cut a promo. WHY DIDN’T HE CUT A PROMO?!

 

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10:52: UG has Mistico in a hold as King Cuerno, Drago and Aerostar emerge from the back. They’re taking on DJZ, Andrew Everett and Dezmond Xavier in a match that may be a tad bit crazy! If ever there were a time to watch both shows back to back, this would be it!

 

10:54: It is all build in Arena Mexico; Mistico and the UG did all mat work and now Titan and Euforia are doing all mat work. Nothing wrong with that; it’s just going to be in stark contrast to Aerostar jumping off the roof in a few minutes!

 

10:55: Lee and Gran Guerrero are in while Drago and Everett are starting off. It’s once more mat work in Arena Mexico while Drago goes to the ropes immediately. He gets Everett with a kick, him and Everett then trade dodges and Everett then sends Drago to the floor with a rana.

 

10:56: Aerostar and DJZ in as the Guerreros take control in Mexico. Aerostar looking great thus far with several dodges and dives. DJZ gets back control, chants his name and then nails a cool leapfrog/trust dive elbow combo. The Guerreros meanwhile take the first fall with a triple submission because of course they did. Strong start to both matches.

 

10:58: Cuerno and Xavier are in. Xavier runs circles around Cuerno and nails him with a gorgeous dropkick for a near fall. Cuerno comes back with an even better dropkick and the pace is now slowing down a tad. Meanwhile, fall two in Arena Mexico begins with the Guerreros isolating the technicos. That’ll be the case for a few minutes.

 

10:59: HOLY SHIT CUERNO HAS A BLOODY NIPPLE! When did that happen? Xavier, undaunted by this, sends Cuerno to the floor and goes for a dive, which Cuerno stops with a kick. Meanwhile Draogn Lee and Titan turn the tide with a double dive, allowing Mistico to tap the UG with La Mistica. We’re tied there as Team Impact takes control in New Orleans.

 

11:01: Awesome tope con hilo by DJZ, even better Space Tiger Drop by Xavier and it’s time we got back on the dive train!

 

11:02: AEROSTAR BABY! Cuerno is about to hit the Most Epic Suicide Dive of all time, but Everett cuts him off to boos. He makes it up to the fans with an amazing tornillo dive off the top. It is crazy as hell in this match!

 

11:03: THIS IS OFF THE CHAIN!

 

11:04: I can’t even keep up at this point. It just gets crazier and crazier.

 

11:05: Cuerno dodges a 630 by Everett, catches Everett by the legs and puts on an Indian Death Lock. Unbelievably this match is ending with a submission as Everett taps out! I would’ve lost money there. This was the best match on the show to this point; just absolute craziness from the midpoint on from all six guys. Well done! Meanwhile, Dragon Lee just did a hurricanrana from the ring to the floor because these shows are like Sonic on steroids!

 

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11:07: I know CMLL isn’t trying to top this Impact/LU show…and yet they certainly are working like they’re trying to top something! The Guerreros just clinched their match with a rolling Dragon Sleeper by Euforia on Titan and a top rope Cradle Shock by Gran Guerrero on Dragon Lee. There’s gnarly and then there’s that. Another strong match; I’d have it second in the night behind the match we just saw on Impact/LU honestly.

 

11:09: Time for the main event in CMLL and the cool down match in New Orleans. I kid I kid! It’s Los Ingobernables and Kraneo (in Kraneo’s continued technico turn angle) against Caristico, Volador and Atlantis in CMLL, Famous B vs. Trevor Lee in Impact/LU. Famous is in his suit…hmm….

 

11:11: MARTY! HE MADE IT! Famous B vs. Trevor Lee has now become Marty “The Moth” vs. Trevor Lee!

 

11:13: Marty in control with a great dropkick and a clothesline. Lee goes to the floor and MY GRODD THE MOTH WILL FLY! That was the Matt Taven dive, right down to Marty nearly breaking his neck!

 

11:14: Caleb Konley (at ringside) tries to attack Marty, but instead runs into a Famous B superkick. That distraction allows Lee a reprieve and he nails a punt kick on Marty from the apron. We’re back in the ring and unbelievably the crowd is pro Marty. This is the first time that’s ever happened.

 

11:16: Nothing going on in CMLL right now. So let’s focus on Marty telling Trevor Lee he was ramming his head into the turnbuckle wrong and then proceeding to show him how to do it right! Classic. Trevor doesn’t take to kindly to it and nails a powerbomb for a near fall.

 

11:17: Looks like it’s 1-0 rudos in Arena Mexico. I’ll be honest; my interest in the main event is minimum due to Bestia del Ring being involved. We’ll go back to that when Kraneo starts turning. Marty has meanwhile taken back control against Lee and hits an awesome Butterfly DDt for a near fall. Marty has been dynamite in this match.

 

11:18: Konley tries a distraction again and is once again thwarted by Famous B. Unfortunately it buys Lee enough time that he can avoid a Marty moonsault and roll up The Moth for the victory. BOOOOOOOOOOOO! That’s Impact’s first win of the night I believe. Good match though and a really strong effort from Marty. Probably his best normal match performance ever, even if it wasn’t on the level of his stuff with Fenix and Killshot. The technicos have tied it up in Arena Mexico by the by.

 

11:21: Fall three starts and, as best I can tell, no hints at a turn have happened yet with Kraneo. It would be a real CMLL move to just forget about that a week later! Meanwhile it’s tag team championship time in New Orleans. Ortiz and Santana (LAX) defend their titles against two thirds of the Lucha Unerground Trios Champions, Killshot and The Mack. No word on if Dante Fox will be there.

 

11:23: And there it is! Kraneo attacks Rush, allowing Atlantis to get the pin and the win. Terrible is out to try and save his Ingobernables teammates, but Kraneo lays him out with a splash too! Bad night for Los Ingobernables huh? Match was nothing, but I do like they’re continuing the angle and having Terrible get involved never hurts. Most importantly everything prior to this match was strong for the most part. Good job CMLL. Now we turn our eyes completely towards Impact vs. Lucha Underground.

 

11:26: Killshot and Ortiz will start with some nice lucha libre pacing. Ortiz ties Killshot up and gets a near fall on a Northern Lights Style suplex. Killshot is back in it quick, but he gets sent into Santana who lays him out, hits a slingshot senton into the ring and sends Big Willie to the floor. LAX is in control and somewhere, Konnan is very pleased with this news.

 

11:28: What a kick by Killshot. He sends Santana into his corner and here comes Big Willie! Santana tries some strikes, which just leads to Mack nailing him with a forearm. He then follows it up with some impressive athleticism. Santana tries to fight back…but yeah, it’s not working. All Big Willie right now!

 

11:31: Nice double team stuff from Killshot and Mack, ending with a double stomp out of a backbreaker position. Ortiz breaks up the pinfall, which does nothing to stop Big Willie from keeping control…and I spoke too soon because Santana managed to roll Mack to his corner, allowing Ortiz to get the tag and unleash a double team onslaught. Even that doesn’t last long as Big Willie nails a pop up forearm and an Exploder Suplex. He can’t make the tag though, whereas Ortiz can and my Grodd I cannot keep up with anything anymore!

 

11:34: It’s just back and forth excellence from both teams. Kicks, athleticism, kicks, Santana going for a Fireman’s Carry and HOLY GRODD KILLSHOT TURNED IT INTO A DOUBLE STOMP! That earlier trios match is starting to get worried!

 

11:35: Killshot and Mack just combined for a dropkick into a senton corner combo that had the tag titles won till Ortiz made the save. Ortiz takes control and takes Killshot up… a big mistake as Killshot puts him into a Fireman’s Carry position and HE JUST TOSSED HIM INTO A BIG WILLIE POUNCE! Unbelievable. Ortiz rolls out because he’s the smartest man alive.

 

11:36: Santana with a Negro Casas style chop attack on both Mack and Killshot, which earns him a pop up thrust kick from Killshot! Big Willie picks up Santana in a powerbomb position, Killshot goes up top and MY GRODD HE RODE THE ELEVATOR DOWN WITH A DOUBLE STOMP! AND SANTANA KICKED OUT! UNREAL!

 

11:38: A few iffy moments from LAX doesn’t stop them from getting some nice double teams in. Santana hits a standing leg drop on Killshot while Ortiz takes out Mack with a suicide dive, but Killshot just escapes.

 

11:39: HOLY GRODD AN ASSISTED ROLLING SENTON BY SANTANA ON KILLSHOT! LAX isn’t done, as Ortiz picks up Killshot for a powerbomb, leading to Santana coming off the top for a powerbomb/blockbuster combo. That’ll do it; LAX retains in a great match! I’m a little bemused that Santana could kick out of the awesome Killshot/Mack double team (yet Killshot couldn’t do the same) and there was a sloppy moment near the end, but overall this was awesome. Best match of the night to this point and you can see why both teams are so renowned in their respective promotions.

 

11:43: It’s time! It’s time! It’s time for Eli Drake’s number to be up because he’s fighting Cage next. Poor bastard. By the by, if you’ve noticed the lack of memes and gifs thus far, it’s because I’m adding them afterwards! Gotta keep up with the show first and foremost!

 

11:44: Drake is doing what he does best, which is cutting a great heel promo. It will not save him. By the way, nice touch by Impact having Melissa Santos introduce Cage even though he’s technically an Impact guy on this show.

 

11:47: More Drake promo time. I believe he just said that he carried Cage when they were a tag team. Oh Eli…

 

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11:48: Eli Drake just went for a cheap shot on Cage. It did not end well as Cage has taken full control to start this match, perfectly caught Belly to Belly Suplex included.

 

11:49: Is Eli Drake in control of this match? Once more, I would’ve lost money on something in this show. Drake now taking control with his stock type heel offense.

 

11:50: Eli sucks chants. Grodd bless you New Orleans. Unfortunately Drake is still in control, getting a neckbreaker on a near fall.

 

11:51: For the first time ever, Eli Drake has impressed me; he just hit a great pop up powerslam for a near fall. Keep doing that Eli and I may get why Caleb M. Baldwin likes you so much. Though he apparently doesn’t like you that much as he’s currently at a WWN show instead! For shame Caleb, for shame.

 

11:52: Cage just hit a forearm style Rainmaker! He’s back in control and I get the feeling we’re not long for this match. A great Cage German Suplex confirms my suspicions.

 

11:53: That Deadlift Superplex off the apron will never get old. Cage gets a near fall on it. Luckily he’s still got the Drill Claw and Lucha Destroyer in his arsenal. Unfortunately he gets caught going up top and Drake hits an AMAZING superplex of his own for a near fall.

 

11:54: Drake with a Swinging Neckbreaker but no cover. He and Cage trade strikes and eventually Cage comes off the ropes with a Discuss Clothesline for a near fall. Drake and Cage trade move attempts before Cage hits…I think it was a swinging neckbreaker? Whatever it was, it’s enough to get him the win. Right result there and a pretty good match; Eli Drake was better than I expected and Cage was Cage, even though it wasn’t the best showcase for his full skill set. I don’t think there’s been a bad match on this show yet. Hey, just like Lucha Underground normally is!

 

11:59: The real main event is here! Jeremiah Crane vs. Eddie Edwards in an I Quit Match has started and it begins with Edwards diving out onto Crane with a suicide dive! Strong, appropriate start considering Crane’s alter ego Sami Callihan only wailed on Edwards with a baseball bat not too long ago.

 

12:01: Crane is currently choking out Edwards with a wrench. Better than a bat! Crane then tosses Edwards into a barricade, spits in his hand and delivers a massive chop before telling front row fans they suck. Classic!

 

12:02: Eddie has some control back, but he misses a chop on the ring post. OUCH! Luckily Crane then does the same thing, so they’re even. Crane retreats to the back, Eddie follows, we’ve lost them…NO WE HAVEN’T! They’re back after Eddie tosses a few chairs into Crane’s face. One fan tells Eddie to “simmer down.” DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO EDDIE DUDE?!

 

12:04: Eddie bringing out more chairs. Josh Matthews and Matt Striker point out that’s the sixth chair brought out, then go back to arguing over what happened between Callihan and Edwards. The fact that I’m mentioning those two for the first time this late into the show shows how good they’ve been. Or how they haven’t been nearly as annoying as I expected!

 

12:05: Springboard clothesline by Crane onto Edwards on the apron. Crane then gets onto the apron himself and nails a huge boot. He’s now tossing the chairs into the ring…save for three, which he uses to set up a makeshift weapon before flipping off the “SIMMER DOWN EDDIE!” fan.

 

12:06: Elbow exchanges by the two on the apron above the chairs. UH OH! Crane goes after the eye, subdues Eddie and HE WANTS TO PILEDRIVE HIM! Eddie gets out, hits a kick and WOW! FISHERMAN BUSTER ON THE APRON!

 

12:08: So much for that spot Crane had planned as Edwards just threw those chairs into the ring. So many chairs! Both men are back in and Edwards is chopping Crane in the corner. Eddie now has a chair wedged in the opposite corner, which isn’t good enough because he tosses yet another chair into Crane’s head. This has not been a fun match for Jeremiah at this point.

 

12:10: Low blow by Crane. Hey, it’s NO DQ so why not?! Crane hits a Double Underhook Shoulder Breaker, but Eddie recovers quickly to dodge a Crane charge, sending Jeremiah right into that wedged chair. Both men take a few seconds to get up, which leads to Edwards throwing more chairs into Crane’s face while Crane tells Edwards and the ref to kiss his ass. Yeah, he ain’t quitting!

 

12:11: Wicked good Boston Knee Party by Eddie onto chair covered Crane. Once more Crane won’t quit, so we’re going up top. Eddie unfolds a chair and…where’s that Jeff Goldblum gif from The Lost World: Jurassic Park?

 

12:12: That is a dangerous looking pyramid of chairs! Eddie is up, Crane blocks a superplex, I am terrified…WHOO! We escaped terror with Crane knocking the chairs over going for a Sunset Flip Powerbomb that Edwards blocked. Crane grabs a chair, hits Edwards as hard as he can, unfolds another chair and NAILS A DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! Edwards won’t quit.

 

12:14: Hot damn we have a Solomon Crowe reference. Spoiler; it was by Edwards and it was in the process of him once more not quitting. Crane decides to get more weapons, and tears off part of the barricade to bring it into the ring.

 

12:15: The barricade is propped like a table in the corner. YEESH! Crane picks Edwards up, looks like he’s going to powerbomb him…LOW BLOW BY EDWARDS! Good save. Edwards now going for a powerbomb…NAILED IT! The ref goes to ask Crane, but Edwards shoves the ref out. He wants to dish out a little more!

 

12:17: THEY’RE GOING TO REDO THE SPOT! Eddie puts the chair over Crane the same way Callihan did to him. He has a chair…will he do it?

 

12:18: The Crist Brothers are here. Edwards fights them off, which gives Crane enough time to recover and nail him with a chair on chair spot. Crane goes under the ring and THERE IS THAT DAMN BALL BAT! Cover your eyes kids.

 

12:19: I’m guessing Crane goes for the same spot, Edwards’ wife comes out to stop it and quit for him…OR NOT! Crane nails the ref with the bat, knocking him out. Crane is all alone and MY GRODD IT’S DON CALLIS! Callis telling him not to do it…hot damn, he just threw in a towel! Well that’ll do it; a towel is as good enough as a quit job, so Jeremiah Crane is the winner. I believe LU is now 3-2 on the evening; WE WON! Excellent match by the by; not as much heat as some of the others but they told a great, violent story while not going over the top. Moose came out to save Edwards from Crane destroying him, which pretty much tells you this Eddie-Crane/Callihan thing isn’t over.

 

12:24: Lot’s of stuff to dissect here; first Pentagon and Fenix will be on the next Impact PPV wrestling each other. That…that is something! Second, this match is now a triple threat match. Alberto El Patron is out and it’s not Pentagon vs. Fenix vs. Austin Aries in a non title match. On the one hand, this is a much, MUCH better match than what we originally had. On the other hand, LOL Alberto.

 

 

12:28: That I believe is a [radio edit] Del Rio chant from fans. BEAUTY! In even better news, Aries starts the match by stopping the Cero Miedo taunt, leading to Pentagon and Fenix turning on the jets with a nice, fast start.

 

12:30: Fenix and Pentagon with some great lucha things. Fenix sends Pentagon to the floor with an arm drag, allowing Aries to come in with a great missile dropkick for a near fall. Aries and Fenix now going at it and Aries nails a great elbow for another near fall.

 

12:31: OH MY! Pentagon with a Backcracker on Aries while Aries DDT’s Fenix! Great spot. Near fall for Pentagon.

 

12:32: Thank goodness El Patron is gone; this has been five minutes and it’s already better than the original match would’ve been. And on cue, HOLY BRILLO COMETA BY FENIX!

 

12:33: “Where’s Marty Elias?” Striker asks. I concur Striker; I concur. Near fall for Fenix on a German Suplex onto Aries by the way.

 

12:35: Aries is working faster than I’ve seen him in awhile…case in point, he just nailed a 450! Pentagon just kicks out, so Aries locks in the Last Chancery, only for Fenix to make the save.

 

12:36: Aries now with the Last Chancery on Fenix. Pentagon now breaks it up. He takes Aries to the corner, delivers a slap, dodges an Aries attack, proceeds to double team Aries with Fenix and MY GRODD! They deliver some amazing moves, including a reverse monkey flip into Aries and a Victory Roll Slam. Neither goes for the cover (because they know the other will break it up) and now we’re getting slaps…at least till Aries gets up and starts doing some strikes of his own.

 

12:37: Eat your heart out Young Bucks; Fenix and Pentagon just super kicked Aries off Planet Earth. In the ring, Pentagon nails a great pop up powerbomb for a near fall, then nails the Three Up, Three Down Driver on Fenix to get the win. I KNEW DEL RIO DIDN’T WANT TO PUT HIM OVER! Great match; I’ll leave it up to you to decide if this was better than Crane-Edwards, the tag title match or the six man, but it was up there. What a fantastic show! Great production, very good commentary; everything across the board worked and there wasn’t a bad match. Well done by both Lucha Underground, Impact (especially) and most importantly the talent. A huge success.

 

That’s it sports fans. I’m now going to go sleep for an awfully long, long time. Hope you enjoyed keeping track of both shows with me. Till next time, THIS!

 

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