After two weeks of LU regaining momentum from a bizarre season four opener, tonight’s fourth foray into the new season could be best summed up by the phrase “simmering down.” It wasn’t a bad episode tonight and certainly nowhere near Aztec Warfare IV, an episode that, while not terrible either, still seems out of place in the LU world. But it was far calmer than the last two weeks, trading in three longer matches for two quick ones, a lot of backstage scenes and two matches that ranged from good to pretty good. In other words, it was a solid episode but not a blow away episode, which generally happens when LU tries to fit in four matches instead of three. Nothing wrong with that sports fans, especially since next week looks more promising with Mil Muertes vs. Cage going mano a mano. But that’s next week. Let’s talk this one!

 

LET-THERE-BE-MORE-LUCHA

 

The Kiss of Life

 

You know…I’m starting to wonder if Fenix and that King Phoenix from CMLL are the same guy! I mean the latter was just in Arena Mexico this past Friday while the Fenix I saw tonight was clearly dead. He exists now only in Melissa Santos’ photo gallery on her phone. That’s good for Catrina I guess, who only needed a kiss to shed her intoxicating outfit for a red dress. I guess that’s the sign that she’s alive again. She celebrated by going back to the Temple to rub it all in Melissa’s face, going on about how she was Fenix’ true love, how he was never coming back, so on and so forth. Finally Catrina gave Melissa her half of the amulet; you remember the amulet right? The thing that both Catrina and Captain Vasquez have that was keeping Catrina alive? Its Melissa’s now, which I’m guessing may be the thing that gets Fenix back to the living. Or at least to a Catrina state of being between life and death. I guess we’ll see; for now Melissa had to put the phone and amulet away because ring announcing for Lucha Underground waits for no person.

 

Jake Strong defeated Big Bad Steve

 

First off, LOL at Famous B now using 423-GET-FAME as a “get well soon” hotline following Jake Strong snapping his ankle. Apparently he may need to get it amputated if we’re to believe Striker and Vampiro. Don’t do that Famous; just do what Kevin Costner did in Dances With Wolves and ride it off!

 

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Now to the match. Here’s the good news for Big Bad Steve; he was on the show just as I predicted! Unfortunately it was a) not the match I predicted him to be in and b) he got knocked the f out by “The Savage” Jake Strong. There’s total annihilation and then there’s what happened here. Steve got about two punches in before Strong methodically ruined his life with lariats, Vader Bombs, more lariats, some right hands and an ankle lock for the submission victory. And even then it wasn’t enough as the Artist Formerly Known as Jack Swagger had to Gutwrench Powerbomb Steve on the floor! What a sore winner! I don’t know what this did for Steve and the match won’t go down as an all time great in LU history, but it sure as hell made Strong look like a runaway locomotive.

 

The Lies Deer Antlers Told You

 

Man, Antonio Cueto has had control of LU for a minute and already he’s dealing with insubordination. The new El Jefe called King Cuerno into his office to ask about the power glove (breaking news; it’s so bad) and Cuerno informed Antonio it had been stolen. That’s uh…that’s quite the contrasting answer you gave Catrina when she asked you the same question Deer Antlers. Thus it becomes crystal clear just what Cuerno is doing here. Sorry Cuerno but…

 

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Whether new El Jefe believes it or not is irrelevant as the subject was changed and somehow Cuerno wound up with a match for an Aztec Medallion against Chavo Guerrero tonight. Cage walked into the office after that and following some friendly Cuerno/Cage banter (“I’m the man, he’s the…MACHINE!”) Cage demanded an LU title shot. Papa Cueto wasn’t impressed though, which is why Cage will instead be wrestling for Aztec Medallion himself next week against Mil Muertes. It all ties into the power glove! Oh and the medallions; the one Cuerno was wrestling Chavo for belonged to Cuerno’s tribe while the Cage-Mil match will be fought for the medallion of Mil’s tribe. Yeah, apparently Mil has a tribe! Lot to digest there and I’m not sure how Cage will go from trying to win a Medallion to a title match (maybe he’s doing both?), but at least we learned more about the medallions and Cuerno was pretty dope yet again in another segment. One more and I may motion for him to just be in every scene LU has for the rest of the season!

 

Johnny Mundo & Taya defeated Daga & Kobra Moon

 

I’m a bit torn on this one. It was good and at times really good, but it felt like it was missing a bit extra to be a super good match. Maybe a few more dives and a slightly quicker pace? I don’t know; just didn’t feel like it ever hit the next gear. It still did a lot of things well though. Johnny Mundo was on the ball as per usual, working well with both Kobra Moon and Daga while also tossing great sequences in like that Spider-Man routine he was pulling off in the ropes. Daga is so smooth it isn’t funny; LU is going to benefit greatly from him being around for the full season. I suppose the problem may then be that Taya and Kobra didn’t get enough to do. Both were fine when they were in and Kobra Moon does indeed look significantly improved compared to her season two debut. I think I was just expecting her and Taya to have more involvement and instead they seemed to take backseat to Mundo and Daga till the final couple of minutes (not counting Taya’s nice opening sequence with Daga of course). It didn’t help either that the match was completely overshadowed by Vibora in the post match. Kobra Moon isn’t the only one who has improved greatly; the Luchasaurus is now a dude who can do flips, standing moonsaults and cool jumps in addition to his power moves. That loomed large over the match in retrospect. Again though, this wasn’t a disaster by any means. Everyone was fairly decent to good, Vibora was established as a rock star, Worldwide Underground got the win while the Snakes still came out looking strong; every goal that LU needed to accomplish was accomplished. It just so happens the match only topped out as decent instead of really, REALLY good.

 

So…Who’s Corpse is Matanza Using as a Punching Bag?

 

Seriously; I must know! If this were the old days I may even do an investigative column on it! Ah to be young again. In any event Matanza now has either a dead body (or a live body, which may be creepier) to use as a punching bag in the bowels of the new Temple, which is where Antonio Cueto found him to inform the newly 100% god it was time for a sacrifice. Spoiler alert; it didn’t end well for Mr. Pectacular.

 

Matanza defeated Mr. Pectacular

 

You see this gif of Kenta putting Ricky Marvin to sleep with the GTS?

 

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Yeah…I’m pretty sure that lasted longer than this match did. All I know is Mr. Pectacular was in the ring, Antonio Cueto came out to declare this match a “sacrifice to the gods” and the next thing you know Matanza was turning Pecs into mulch. Legit; Pecs got maybe a dropkick in and then it was Matanza running him over in spectacular fashion. I normally wouldn’t be blown away by two squash matches on one show but this was completely different to the Jake Strong one. The Artist Formerly Known as Jack Swagger took his time with Big Bad Steve; Matanza destroyed Mr. Pectacular at lightning speed (and pace) before making him disappear. Oh yeah, did I mention Matanza made Pecs disappear?! Great stuff. It was short, sweet, fun and hey, if you’re going to go, go memorably. That’s exactly what Mr. Pectacular did. Say hi to Fenix, Jeremiah Crane, Bael, Councilman Delgado and Mr. Cisco on the other side for us!

 

Match for an Aztec Medallion

King Cuerno defeated Chavo Guerrero Jr.

 

When I realized earlier today that this was going to be Cuerno vs. Chavo and not Cuerno vs. Big Bad Steve (as I hoped), my reaction was along these lines.

 

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Not good sports fans. All of which makes me happy to be proven wrong because this match was really good! In fact I enjoyed it even more the second time than I did the first. It wasn’t a typical “classic” LU match and there were times I wished the pace had picked up a bit, but overall this was much better than you’d expect. Chavo came to play sports fans. You knew that Fantasma would and he did a hell of a job transitioning his character into a technico role (remember, Deer Antlers had been a rudo in LU until tonight). But Chavo showing up helped make this match better than we all expected. He was very spry early on, he kept up with Fantasma as the pace quickened in the first five minutes, hit his usual spots with precision and really only had issues when the two slowed the match down in the second third of the match. That’s a minor nitpick though. Overall I thought both guys gelled well together, they tried things you wouldn’t expect like the minor crowd brawling and Fantasma’s plancha off the railing and gave damn good efforts. Very strong stuff and did a great job to re-establish Cuerno out of the block in his new role. I don’t know how the match will be looked at when the season concludes but I thought it was one of the better matches Chavo has had in LU and frankly would even say it was better than the Mysterio match if you take out the final few minutes of that bout. Certainly much better than I expected going in.

 

That’s it sports fans. I know; no end tag this week! I’m just as sad as you are. Luckily it should return next week along with the LU preview and review so we don’t have that long to wait. For now though I depart to rest up for my preview of CMLL Super Viernes tomorrow. Till next time, the real reason you didn’t see Jack Evans tonight during the Snakes vs. WWU match.

 

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