Life is good sports fans. I’ve finally made it to the Arson portion of LA Noire, the Home Run Derby was awesome last night (though the wrong guy won. Kyle Schwarber for the win baby!) and Lucha Underground is only a day away! Actually now that I think of it life may not be all good, as I’m currently dog sitting at a place without El Rey. I MAY NOT GET TO WATCH THE SHOW LIVE!
Keep it together Cult; we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now let’s just focus on the preview. Good? Good. After last week’s really fun romp it looks like we’ll have another good one on our hands, with Cage challenging Pentagon Dark for the Lucha Underground Championship, a man taking on a dinosaur and the Rabbit Tribe returning one week after they sacrificed Mascarita Sagrada to the scariest man in wrestling. Apparently there may also be more with XOLishus and Jack Evans, which I’m all about because a) they were great together a few weeks ago and b) you can never go wrong with more Jack Evans. He could write a manifesto on the dangers of being a dragon slaying, star destroying, snake fearing FIFA Champ and I’d read it. But enough about my weirdness (and Jack’s); we’ve got things to do!
Match for an Aztec Medallion
Dezmond X vs. Paul London
What to Expect: You may not believe this sports fans but I’m pretty sure that Dezmond X and PWG/Impact star Dezmond Xavier are the same guy! Just a funny feeling I have. Speaking of funny feelings, I have another one telling me this match will be swell. Provided Dezmond X is the same guy who hangs out with Zachary Wentz and this isn’t LU trolling us (does LU even troll that much outside of the announcer’s booth or Vinnie Massaro appearances?), Paul London will have a really athletic, really fun high flyer to work with that should easily compliment his own style. And that’s before we get into how the final Aztec Medallion is on the line (and either of these guys would fit into the Gift of the Gods seven way) and what happened last week when Paul London kind of killed poor Mascarita Sagrada while “White Rabbit” Kevin Kross applauded in the background. I’m guessing there will be more Rabbit Tribe shenanigans afoot here and maybe even an appearance by the White Rabbit himself. I don’t mind that at all; I just hope they give this sometime first because this could be a lot of fun even without acid tripping psychopaths out of Meatloaf’s most hilarious rock operas.
Winner: I mean it’s LU so who knows, but I tend to think the guy who beat another one to death with a staff last week is the most likely to go over in this situation. Plus, only XOLishus can debut in LU and get a win and you’re no XOLishus Dezmond X. The winner will be this guy.
Gotta love how Paul’s a dolphin guy and a rabbit guy!
Johnny Mundo vs. Vibora
What to Expect: Look sports fans; there will, more than likely, be far greater matches in Lucha Underground season four than this one. But there may not be a more intriguing battle than Johnny Mundo taking on the Luchasaurus. In fact I dare say it’s the most challenging match of either man’s career. Unless you count the time Mundo had to set up an R-Truth heel turn by saying “he smokes.” Oh yes; the North remembers.
Back to this match though. It’s no secret that, outside of the LU universe, Mundo and Taya have taken Austin Matelson, the young man behind the Vibora character, under their wing between seasons and tried to unlock his potential. That’s why a few weeks ago the Luchasaurus was suddenly doing standing moonsaults, rolling away from attacks and not standing completely still like he did in season three. There’s definitely improvement there and the question now becomes how much? It’s a big question too considering this likely won’t be the last time Mundo and Vibora work together given the Snake Tribe’s issues with Worldwide Underground. So yeah, big test. Can Vibora prove that he’s become more than a big body and a great look to take the next step? Can Mundo, an absolutely phenomenal worker, help shepherd him there? It’s going to be really interesting to watch this one unfold, both because of the ramification and because it’s Johnny Mundo, the Wednesday Night Delight, taking on a dinosaur. Like a good Hayden Christensen performance, you don’t see that every day.
Winner: It could go either way because this feud is still in the early stages; remember that there’s still a scene of Johnny Mundo fighting the Snake Tribe underground to get to. Mundo has seniority though and it’s more important for Vibora to look good here than to win so I’ll go with Mundo taking the W after an End of the World. And yes, Taya, PJ Black and the Hater of Snakes Jack Evans may be involved in that, which means we’ll probably be seeing Kobra Moon, Daga and Drago as well.
Lucha Underground Championship Match
Pentagon Dark (c) vs. Cage
What to Expect: Here it is; The Ace vs. The Machine! It all began on Episode Three of Season Four when Pentagon challenged anyone in the locker room to come out and face him, leading to Cage jumping him from behind and wiping him off the face of the earth. A week later Cage formally demanded a LU Title shot from Antonio Cueto, only for Papa El Jefe to decline it; Cage needed to prove himself in competition first in an Aztec Medallion match against Mil Muertes. That match would go on to tear the house down next week, concluding when Cage was jumped from behind by a disguised Pentagon in the crowd, allowing Mil to get the W. Pentagon then declared it to be on this week and it will indeed be on. Well at least for now; no one knows how Antonio will react given Cage lost his match, but I’m guessing a threat of a broken arm or two by Pentagon may be enough to convince Papa El Jefe. Hell he doesn’t even have to do that! Pentagon is ace; you don’t say no to the ace.
As for the match, we have every reason to believe this will be as good as both the Three Way to the Grave match AND Cage vs. Mil last week. In fact I predict it’ll be very similar in tone to the Cage-Mil match. It’s easy to forget sometimes that Pentagon is less of a traditional luchador and more of a brawler; I wouldn’t be shocked at all if he’s actually the one basing the most in this match while Cage gets in the dives. My guess however is that those moments will be few, instead giving way to what should be a really fun brawl between these two. It’ll be difficult to top Three Way to the Grave given all the story beats that one had but this match has all the tools to top it and, barring a lack of chemistry or a lack of time (something that didn’t stop Cage-Mil last week), this should be excellent.
Winner: Sorry Cage; the Age of Cage and the Rise of the Machines isn’t going to topple the Ace this week. Pentagon will prevail with a Package Piledriver for the victory and will without question go for the arm breaker afterwards. I hope he gets it so I can finally find out if Cage is actually human or if he’s been a cyborg all along. And yes the arm breaker might reveal this if Pentagon pulls too hard and rips the arm off. Hey; if Paul London can send people to the afterlife with Kevin Kross’ magical staff, why can’t Cage be an android?!
That’ll do sports fans. I’ll see you tonight when I review CMLL’s Tuesday show, featuring Sansón vs. Niebla Roja!
Please change disks to continue…