We are 24 days away from Triplemania!
And yet we still have no card for Triplemania.
Alright I should rephrase; we do know two matches for the show (Lady Shani vs. Faby Apache, Fantasma vs. LA Park vs. Pentagon vs. Psycho Clown) and a third match has been pretty much confirmed (Los OGT’s and Vampiro vs. certain members of MAD). Beyond that though? Zip. Nothing. Nada. The best info we have on a Triplemania card dropping is Konnan saying he hopes it’s out on Friday, but even then that’s no guarantee. So what have I decided to do while I wait? Come up with what I think the Triplemania card should be. This I spent all more and early afternoon (after doing my preview of tomorrow’s AAA show of course) booking a Triplemania show that I would personally like to see. Actually scratch that; it’s a Triplemania card that I would like to see that’s also realistic. There are certain ways the show will go that cannot be avoided and me doing so to book some crazy, high flying trios match would be foolish and kind of irresponsible from where I’m sitting. So instead it will be a mixture of matches that would make sense and matches that I, and others, would find enjoyable within the confines. Now keep in mind; this isn’t me predicting the Triplemania card or spoiling it. This is just what I would do given the direction of creative right now and taking this at face value would be a mistake. We’re just having fun here. Get it? Got it? Good. Alright enough set up. Here is how I’d book an eight match Triplemania card!
(Note: a lot of luchadores were left off this. If you’re favorite was, I apologize, but Triplemania only averages about 7.1 matches the last eight years. People get left off!)
Arkángel Divino, Hijo del Vikingo, Lady Maravilla vs. Black Danger, Keyra, Último Maltido
Look, you cannot have a AAA show these days, let alone the biggest AAA show of the year, with a molten hot opener! Like Guardians of the Galaxy without James Gunn, it cannot be done. So how do you go about accomplishing it? By getting two of the most talented luchadoras not named Zeuxis, a lethal pairing of brothers who have chemistry Dakota Johnson and Jamie Doran could only dream of (in a much different context of course), a great base and the next great innovative high flyer, putting them all together and giving them ten minutes. Its legit can’t miss.
Aramis vs. Argenis vs. El Hijo de LA Park vs. Joe Lider vs. La Máscara vs. La Parka vs. La Parka Negra vs. Mamba vs. Máximo vs. Pagano vs. Pimpinela Escarlata vs. Taurus
Ah Copa Triplemania. Or as I like to call it, the match where everyone who’s got nothing to do/nothing important going on/sucks/related to LA Park/just sided with the asshole who nearly killed a woman because he’s a shit human being gets thrown in. Who falls into which category? Aramis, Argenis, Lider, Mamba, Parka Negra and Taurus are guys with nothing to do, Máximo and Máscara are dudes whose issues aren’t important enough to warrant a big time match, Pimpi sucks (search your feelings sports fans, you know it to be true), Hijo de LA Park is, you’ll never believe this, related to LA Park and Pagano is the asshole who has no problem with Black Skeller trying to kill La Egnimatica. What a jackass right? You may have noticed I left out Imposter La Parka. That’s for three reasons; he doesn’t deserve a group, making an “Imposter” group would be too easy and it would take too long to type out “egomaniac kiss ass rip off who makes Octagón look like Aerostar.” Although I did just type it out there so who knows.
The point is this is where all the people who matter, but don’t matter enough for a big time match for whatever reason, go. I would personally leave off half of these people, throw a bunch of talented people of Armais’ ilk in and run with that but that’s not AAA’s style so you’re likely to get something like this. The good news is you now have three winning scenarios that make sense. Either Imposter Parka wins so everyone backstage doesn’t have to hear him bitch to Marisela about it backstage, Máximo or Máscara win by screwing the other to continue their issue or Taurus just runs everyone over to win like the monster he is. I prefer the latter, but either of those scenarios work very well. And thus you have a perfectly acceptable filler match with Imposter Parka hanging around.
AAA World Cruiserweight Championship Match
Australian Suicide (c) vs. Juventud Guerrera
I’m still a big believer in the MAD stable and storyline. It hasn’t been handled perfectly but other than Jeff Jarrett the group features a ton of really talented dudes, is led by the perfect mouthpiece in Konnan and aside from when Imposter Parka gets involved always comes across pretty strong. The next step for the group is to start winning titles besides the Mega Championship, which is where this match comes in. Australian Suicide is a very talented worker but he hasn’t exactly done a lot with the belt. Meanwhile the Juice has easily been the best MAD member since the group arrived in AAA, looking and moving around like he’s 24 instead of 44. I personally think Juvy should’ve been the guy to win the Mega Championship instead of Jarrett; as that’s off the table now, the next best thing is to give him the Cruiserweight Championship in this match (which by the way will be really good considering the talent of both men) and have him serve as the insufferable rudo champion every young high flyer in AAA is gunning for.
Open Challenge for the AAA World Trios Championship
Carta Brava Jr., Mocho Cota Jr., Tito Santana I vs. Aerostar, Drago, Fenix
This, and the next match, is definitely shot in the dark, fan wish fulfillment randomness. So what; it’s my column and I’ll do what I want! Plus we know that all six of these luchadores are making Triplemania. Aerostar and Drago are AAA staples who always deliver big on these types of shows and Poder del Norte is arguably the best trios team in Mexico. They’re all getting on the show and they all make logical sense for this type of match. That leaves Fenix as the out of place participant. His one AAA appearance this year (a run in at Verano de Escandalo) involved fighting off MAD, which suggests he would be involved in the big multi-man match against the stable later in the card. Here’s the problem; that match is likely going to be mediocre at best and wasting Fenix in a match where he can’t fully strut his stuff is a waste. By putting him here with old friends Aerostar and Drago (remember, this trio won the CHIKARA King of Trios tournament in 2015 and the Lucha Underground Trios Championships at Ultima Lucha Dos) against a great team in Poder del Norte, you’re giving Fenix the chance to show off his amazing ability, transition the Trios Titles to an exciting team, most importantly, put him in direct conflict with MAD, who will surely be gunning for the Trios Titles once Triplemania is over. Sounds great to me.
Three Way Way Match for the AAA World Tag Team Championship
Rey Escorpión & Texano Jr. (c) vs. Bandido & Flamita vs. Jack Evans & Teddy Hart
Once more (you open the door?) I’m going with the philosophy of putting together a match that gives MAD more titles. In this case it’s the Tag Titles and its The Hart Foundation 2.0 winning them. Part of it is definitely me being biased because I love those two but even still it makes sense; Jack and Teddy are the best tag team in MAD and they’ve been super good since reforming .The only reason not to give them the titles in my mind is because Escorpión and Texano have been that good since winning them in February and don’t necessarily need to lose them right now. Alas I continue to go back to the thought that MAD should be getting as many titles as possible and this match best sets it up, while also throwing in Bandido and Flamita as two outstanding high flyers to go with the craziness that is Teddy Jack. And don’t you worry about Escorpión and Texano; those guys will catch them all anyway, even if they’re all flying at them at once. Unlike Kawato San, who catches guys like this.
Mask vs. Hair Match
Lady Shani vs. Faby Apache
It’s going to happen, we know it’s going to happen, blah blah blah, yada yada yada, so on and so forth. It probably won’t be as high on the card as I have it here but I think it’ll be further up than people expect (maybe the fourth match at the lowest) and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a really strong match. Then again I appear to be one of only two people who has enjoyed the build up for this match so what do I know?
Averno, Chessman, Super Fly, Vampiro vs. Brian Cage, Jeff Jarrett, Killer Kross, Luchador Sorpresa
Maybe AAA will back track on this match after strongly hinting at it a few tapings ago but I’m guessing no on that one. Not only will it involve the biggest storyline in the company right now but it will get the people AAA feel are big stars in Jeff Jarrett, Vampiro and maybe even Konnan (depending on his health) onto the show. And come on, these guys will be on the show. AAA didn’t put the Mega Championship on Jarrett for no reason (actually they might’ve, but for the sake of argument ignore this point) and Vamp is certainly not flying down to Triplemania just to appear in a box every once in awhile, cracking jokes about Hugo’s sister while doing this.
So yeah; this will happen. I personally would have it like this as opposed to a five on five that include either Fenix, Imposter Parka or Juvy in it because a) I don’t want Parka anywhere near this show to begin with and b) it would be a waste of Fenix and Juvy. Whatever incarnation this match takes will not be one where it turns out good, as the match will be overbooked to the 9,000th degree. So with that in mind, the right way for AAA to go is an all out, No DQ brawl. That’ll hide Jarrett and Vamp’s weaknesses, play to the OGT’s strengths (as well as Cage and Kross’), allow for Hijo del Tirantes to do evil ref stuff and possibly lead to a swerve when all is said and done. That’s why Luchador Sorpresa is there instead of Konnan. I can easily see Konnan being in this match but in a way it makes more sense for him to be a corner man and for MAD to have some sort of surprise. That’s how I’d do it. Well actually no; if I were to do this match I’d scrap Vamp, scrap Jarrett and do a three on three between the OGT’s, Cage, Kross and a surprise. But this is the far more realistic option and in that case, the best choice is to do this match as is, allow the talented guys who could be in this match to do something else and focus on making this the swervy, over the top spectacle only AAA does.
Four Way Mask Match
El Hijo del Fantasma vs. LA Park vs. Pentagon Jr. vs. Psycho Clown
The other 100% stone cold lock in this show. Really the only thing to discuss is who is going to lose the mask at the end. Everyone seems to think Fantasma. However, there are rumors floating around that LA Park, wanting to top Dr. Wagner’s ridiculous pay day from last year, could drop his mask and then go on to drop his hair against Rush at the CMLL Aniversario, and an even juicier whisper of Pentagon dropping his mask in return for being let out of his numerous deals to go to WWE. Where did these rumors come from? No idea. Do I believe them? More or less no; I still believe it will be Fantasma’s beautiful face that gets revealed at the end by Psycho Clown while Joe “Pepe” Barker sobs relentlessly. Just something to keep an eye on sports fans; just something to keep an eye on.
And there is my Triplemania card for you sports fans. Again, don’t hold your breath for it happening; this is just a bit of fun and all. I’ll see you all later for my review of Lucha Underground tonight. TILL THEN!
Please change disks to continue…