CMLL Tuesday is in the books. It was…a show, and that may be putting it kindly given the meme I use to finish this bad boy off. What is it? You’ll see and you will understand why I used it. Man I’m making this show sound terrible now! I mean it wasn’t good, but it was more dull than bad, and there was one good match in the middle. But again, you’ll read all about that soon enough! Let’s get moving so that will actually be a true statement.

 

Acero & Angelito defeated Pequeño Nitro & Pequeño Olímpico two falls to one

 

How bad was this opening match sports fans? I was reading an article about The Plain White T’s adapting their song “Hey There Delilah” into a TV show…and it was still nowhere close to as infuriating as this match was. And that’s saying something because I imagine a Hey There Delilah show will be as enjoyable as the “Hey There Delilah” song once you age past 21. Anyways, this match was exactly what you’d expect with Acero and Pequeño Olímpico trying to do a lot of lucha, which was numerous botches and a whole lot of sequences in slow motion. Pequeño Nitro wasn’t trying but he wouldn’t have had a chance if he was, which was exemplified by Angelito trying and nearly getting dropped on his head during a Super Rana for his efforts. There’s bad, there’s really bad, there’s laughably bad and then there was this match. If I were Angelito I’d have called Konnan for a spot in AAA as soon as I walked to the back.

 

Cancerbero, Disturbio, Nitro defeated Astral, Eléctrico, Super Astro Jr. two falls to one

 

And I thought the opener was bad! Alright this match wasn’t quite as terrible but it was definitely more depressing. Why? You try watching Super Astro Jr. working with this group of luchadores. He was the lone bright spot of this match (how he’s even in this type of match with his name and ability is beyond me) and it meant jack shit as the rudos did everything in their power to mess this match up. Well other than Disturbio, another man too good for these proceedings. After those two it was all Cancerbero and Nitro mistiming moves, Astral and Eléctrico looking they’d rather be anywhere else but there and me wishing Super Astro Jr. could be anywhere but there. Thank Grodd I got a phone call from my mother during this to distract me towards the end, otherwise I may have been in tears for Super Astro Jr. by the time it was over.

 

Black Panther, Blue Panther, Blue Panther Jr. defeated Dragón Rojo Jr., Pólvora, Virus two falls to one

 

I’m going to be honest; compared to some of the other matches the Panthers have had in recent memory, this was a bit of a dud. That said it was a dud the same way Episode Seven of Stranger Things, Season Two was; it wasn’t as good as the top tier but I’ll be dammed if it wasn’t cooler than pretty much everything else surrounding it. Plus it had El at the Demondhead!

 

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I think my issue with this was that it didn’t ever felt like it hit an extra gear. In typical Blue Panther fashion the match was laid out uniquely (Panther taking fall one after a prolonged battle with Dragón Rojo, followed by things building from there) but instead of things culminating in a energetic climax we just got a few Blue Panther shots to the balls, a few slingshot dives and a Junior tope. Not exactly Mad Max: Fury Road. It’s also possible my enjoyment of this show was shattered so badly by the first two matches that I just couldn’t properly get into this one. In any event it’s still the best thing to happen on this show to this point, even if it was lacking in several areas.

 

Lightning Match

Audaz defeated Luciferno

My eyes nearly welled up with tears for this one because I was able to actually use this gif on a show before Friday!

 

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What a joy to see some honest to Grodd life on this show. You knew it would at least be more exciting than everything else because of Audaz but he made sure to distance himself and Luciferno vastly from the rest of the show. And that was with Audaz once again looking like he was holding back. I’m still not sure we’ve seen the complete version of what he brings to the table and I’m not sure we need to see it if he continues to have performances like this, where he throws out two awesome dives and turns what looks to be a running dropkick into a hurricanrana. The dude is a genius, simple as that. Luckily he had a game opponent in Luciferno, who at the very least looked like he needs to get away from Ephesto and Mephisto a bit more. Audaz certainly helped, but I thought Luciferno did a hell of a job keeping things going in the middle, while also basing really well for Audaz’ offense when the time came. They were a good match and the ending suggests they’ll be seeing more of each other after Luciferno unmasked Audaz for the ultra rare Lightning Match DQ. Whether that ever happens or not (my guess is not) at least this was fun. A really fun Lightning Match that should easily be the king of this show, barring a miracle of LA Park vs. Rush proportions.

 

Ángel de Oro, Soberano Jr., Stuka Jr. defeated Ephesto, Hechicero, Mr. Niebla two falls to one

 

Remember last week’s match that supposedly existed to set up Stuka vs. Hechicero for the week after? Yeah, that was this match, only not quite as good and with a few new players. It was actually still pretty decent overall; Ephesto and Mr. Niebla were having one of their better days respectively, Soberano and Ángel de Oro were really good when they got to do anything (which was admittedly very rare) and once again I thought the Stuka-Hechicero stuff came off really great. Both guys are trying really hard to get it over (and did judging by how the crowd was reacting afterwards) and even went outside of the box in some regards, like Stuka’s “DID HE REALLY JUST DO A STAGE DIVE ON A TUESDAY SHOW?!” spot. The only issue is they did this all last week and did it better (minus the stage dive), making it all the more pointless that CMLL decided to do this match again instead of just going right for the Hechi-Stuka singles match. Hopefully they don’t make the same mistake this time; there’s plenty of build to run the singles match and it should be a lot of fun if they run it next week. Of course knowing CMLL they will decide to stretch it out one more week and I will simply not care by that point. Ditto for everyone else.

 

Atlantis, Diamante Azul, Kráneo defeated Gran Guerrero, Rey Bucanero, Shocker two falls to one

 

All you need to know about this one is that yes, Kráneo once again came out dressed as Barney and danced as Barney. If you missed it, I assure you it was far funnier and less creepy than this gif of Barney dancing I just so happened to find.

 

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Beyond that this was the typical quick Tuesday main event. It wasn’t particularly good, it wasn’t particularly bad (well other than when Shocker was in); it was all sorts of just kind of there. That’s something because you normally don’t associate a dude dancing while dressed like Barney as something that’s just kind of there. Alas it was and the only good things I can say about it is that a) it wasn’t long and b) it wasn’t nearly as bad as those first two matches. Remember those? Thank Grodd we moved past them. In the end this main event was largely forgettable, much like the rest of this show will be outside of the Lightning Match.

 

And scene. That’s it for me sports fans, but I shall return tomorrow with a late preview of tomorrow night’s Lucha Underground episode, followed by a review of said episode. This is what happens when the bulk of the card is released late. Till next time!

 

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