Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water after CMLL’s Puebla show tonight…enter CMLL Tuesday! Let me just say sports fans that the Tuesday show is not as bad as the one in Puebla. It’s not for a lack of trying though, as CMLL has rolled out two truly terrible opening matches for their Arena Mexico show, not to mention a main event geared more towards next week and at least three returns that no one wanted to see. Frankly the only reason the Puebla show is worse is because not a single damn thing is happening on it. This show is trying; unfortunately it’s trying to suck with just a few exceptions. Naturally this didn’t stop me from previewing it because there’s only so much Uncharted a dude can play in the day. Lame I know.
Retro & Sangre Imperial vs. El Cholo & Espíritu Negro
What to Expect: I’ve seen Uwe Boll movies with more hope than this match. Not a single bloody thing about this match works. Retro and his old school style doesn’t work. El Cholo and his need to go away forever doesn’t work. Espíritu Negro doesn’t work, and neither does the fact that he’s returning to the ring to face the guy who clumsily put him out of action last year. And I don’t want to be too mean but dear Grodd not a single thing about Sangre Imperial the worker is redeemable. I’m not sure Soberano could get anything out of him. Soberano! The only reason to watch this match is if you want to see one of the worst matches CMLL runs this year. If it’s anything better than that then it should be considered a success on par with Infinity War’s run at the box office.
Winners: When in doubt, stop watching this match, find the nearest corner and cry. And also pick the rudos. They win in three falls.
Bengala, Oro Jr. Stigma vs. Arkángel de la Muerte, Príncipe Odin Jr., Yago
What to Expect:
Alright it actually doesn’t because the only thing that could be worse than that opener was how the Tampa Bay Lightning played in Games 1 and 2. But CMLL tried their damndest here. Only Oro Jr. and Yago reside on the good to great spectrum in this match; everyone else has had their soul crushed by years of working CMLL openers (Bengala), are only here because of nepotism (Stigma, and I’m sorry dude but it’s true. Break out that Brillo Dorada again and I may reconsider), are mediocre as holy hell (Príncipe Odin Jr.) or are the soul sucking scourge known as Arkángel de la Muerte (Arkángel de la Muerte). Remember when he didn’t appear for months and stopped ruining matches? Yeah that’s over now I guess. The only hope here is that Oro Jr. and Yago get a lot of quality time together and somehow make this match passable. Because otherwise this going to be the drizzling shits.
Winners: It’s Arkángel’s grand return; of course he’s going over! He’ll defeat Oro Jr. in the third fall to pick up the win because there is no Grodd and the cage wasn’t 30 feet. Search your feelings Teddy, you know it to be true!
Estrellita, Maligna, Princesa Sugehit vs. Dalys, Metálica, Zeuxis
What to Expect: You know what; I’m going to leave this match alone. Sure it’s got the two headed monster of suck in Estrellita and Maligna on the technica team but who cares; ZEUXIS IS BACK! That’s frankly all I need right there. I wish the Queen of Lucha Libre had much better to work with than that but just the fact that Zeuxis will be around, kneeing people’s heads into Mexico City living rooms is more than enough for me. Throw in how good Metálica looked the other day and the possibility that Zeuxis and Sugehit will get to work together a lot and this should be a dramatic improvement over the first two matches.
Winners: Zeuxis could be gone for fifteen years and lose her ability to knee heads off and I would still never, EVER, bet against the Queen. Zeuxis and her loyal servants will dispose of the technicos in three falls after Estrellita eats those knees. So it has been written, so it shall be done.
Pólvora vs. Sagrado
What to Expect: A lot of people have been treating this match like it’s the last season of Dexter. Unless people are thinking this is a different Pólvora or Sagrado, this puzzles me. Not only is neither luchadore bad, I’d categorize both Pólvora and Sagrado as good; in fact I just saw Pólvora work a really strong match on Friday alongside Dragón Rojo, Hechicero, Esfinge, Titán and Tritón, and it wasn’t like Pólvora was just a guy in that match (at least to me). So to act like this match is hopeless…no I don’t buy that. I do think it’s a bit of a styles clash considering Pólvora and Sagrado are both bases who don’t fly around that match these days. So that may prevent this from being something truly memorable. But without question this won’t be terrible; in fact it won’t even be close. I expect this will get about six and a half minutes, one of the guys (likely Sagrado) will try a few dives due to the occasion and this match will be a perfectly solid match.
Winner: I guess Pólvora is a tiny bit higher on the totem pole than Sagrado, so that would mean he’s going over here, picking up the win with a Pólvora Driver at a little less than seven minutes.
Blue Panther, Titán, Tritón vs. Ephesto, Luciferno, Mephisto
What to Expect: Finally…THANKFULLY, I can use this for a column again.
To think that, over the past two previews, it took us till the fifth match on the Tuesday show to find something with the potential to be better than solid. Yes I know Ephesto is in this match but that’s a small price to pay when the rest of the talent here is on the level it’s at. You know Blue Panther will be doing his usual excellent work because that’s what he does. You know Luciferno will be better than expected because he’s secretly quite good and just needs to break away from this gimmick. You know Mephisto will be Mephisto. And do I really need to sell anyone on Titán and Tritón at this point, especially when Mephisto is on the other side and you know how good he and Titán are together? This match is a winner sports fans, at least in terms to what else we’re getting before Friday. I expect it will be very good and could be even better if a) Blue Panther lays it out as only he can and b) Titán and Tritón decide to go really nuts.
Winners: The ideal scenario here is that CMLL has ditched the UG-Stuka idea for at least another week and wants to roll with a Mephisto title defense, setting up either Tritón-Mephisto or Titán-Mephisto in a rematch of CMLL’s best match of 2018 (to this point). Sadly dreams don’t come true like that that often, so look for Los Hijos del Infierno to instead pick up the win in three falls, with Mephisto putting Titán away with Devil’s Wings and Luciferno putting Tritón away with the Luci Clash.
Carístico, Niebla Roja, Stuka Jr. vs. Mr. Niebla, Shocker, Último Guerrero
What to Expect: It’s all about setting up Stuka and the UG in this one sports fans. CMLL started the program last week and while things do change, the fact that they’re booked together again here tells me the match is a go for next week. Thus you can anticipate a lot of feuding between those two, a few flashy spot attempts from Carístico and Niebla Roja, some comedy from Mr. Niebla and a lot of wincing whenever Shocker tries to do something. Dear Grodd why is he back; did CMLL just decide to dump all their undesirables on one show or something?! At least he won’t have a chance to tear this match down because frankly his won’t be much of a match to begin with. It’s all about getting us to Stuka-UG next week and thus will go according to the usual CMLL tropes.
Winners: Last week UG got DQ’d to give Stuka the victory. This week will be where Stuka gets a clean pinfall win to set up the title match. He’ll do so with a Stuka Splash in the third fall, moving all eyes towards next week and away from this show. Thank Grodd. Have I mentioned how happy I’m going to be when this week’s Puebla and Tuesday shows are over?
Exit stage left sports fans. I’ll see you tonight because Lucha Central requires me to review CMLL Puebla. The things I do for them. Till then, THIS!
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