Another week, another CMLL Tuesday show and another speed preview for me to do of said CMLL Tuesday show. The good news is this show doesn’t look like living death, which is a good thing because that’s exactly what I stopped reviewing those Puebla shows. The bad news is, while there’s a few matches with a shot on this card, the chances of this being anything worthwhile are the chances of LeBron joining the Knicks. Such is life I suppose. But enough NBA; I’ll have enough time for that after I finish this preview, which oh by the way starts now!
Acero & Aéreo vs. Pequeño Olímpico & Pequeño Violencia
What to Expect: You know the legendary “Jessie’s Girl” scene in Boogie Nights where Dirk Diggler realizes he has taken a wrong turn? I made the same face he did when I saw this match was opening the show…AGAIN! Just for that I’ll be playing “Jessie’s Girl” and tossing around fireworks as this match goes on. It’ll be more entertaining.
Winners: When in doubt go with the rudos. They take it in three falls, or approximately five listens to “Jessie’s Girl.” Jessie is a friend…yeah I know he’s been a good friend of mine! Sorry, just warming the pipes early.
Magnus, Príncipe Diamante, Robin vs. Arkángel de la Muerte, Cancerbero, Raziel
What to Expect: Alright sports fans, keep on rolling cause you know what time it is.
On the one hand, this match makes me happy because Magnus and Robin are in it and teaming together. On the other hand they’re against Arkángel, Cancerbero and Raziel; one of those luchadores hasn’t been good in eons and the other two aren’t going to try because they’re teaming with Arkángel de la Muerte. I’m sure Magnus, Robin and Príncipe “I’m pretty good practicing moves on Instagram according to Rob Viper” Diamante will try, but there’s only so far you’re getting with the Grumpy Old Luchadores on the other side. Poor guys. I wonder if Flyer is writing to them of his travels in the main event or not.
Winners: If the technicos win then LeBron James is going to the New York Knicks next year. Rudos win in three falls.
Fuego, Oro Jr., Stigma vs. Misterioso Jr., Sagrado, Virus
What to Expect: Oro Jr. is booked in a match that isn’t a curtain jerker?! ORO JR. WORKING GUYS WHO ARE INCOMPETENT NOOBS?!
I guess there’s a first time for everything, like Oro’s cool moonsault he did on Friday. Even still don’t expect too much from him or this match. Everyone will give a decent effort but as per usual Stigma will get too much to do, Misterioso will pull off masks and Virus won’t be as explosive as he was this past Friday. In the words of a terrible Limp Bizkit song, it’ll be okay.
Winners: What do you know; I like the rudos again. It’s like I always say; you can take Oro Jr. out of the second match but you can’t take the second match out of Oro Jr. He and his buddies will lose in three falls.
Audaz vs. Drone
What to Expect: It’s the new up and coming star vs. the old up and coming star until he went and partied too hard in Japan. Search your feelings Drone; you know it to be true. This might also be the first Audaz singles match to be streamed if I recall correctly. Maybe he had one in his Fiero days? Either way this should be a hell of a watch. It almost doesn’t matter what Drone does and he’s generally very good. It’s all about Audaz and I expect this will be quite the exhibition for the youngster. One of the “hold onto your butts” variety.
Winner: There’s a better chance of Becky Lynch and I riding off into the sunset together than there is Drone beating Audaz. Even CMLL knows better! The Artist Formerly Known as Fiero defeats The Artist Formerly Known as Hombre Bala Jr. in about eight minutes with that gorgeous rolling armbar of his.
Blue Panther, Rey Cometa, Stuka Jr. vs. Hechicero, Shocker, Templario
What to Expect: If only CMLL had put someone else but Shocker on that rudo team.
Actually the match could still be fine. I like all three technicos and I love both Hechicero and Templario. All this needs is for Blue Panther to stick with Shocker, keep the rudo rolling around on the mat and let Cometa, Stuka, Hechi and Templario do their thing. If that happens then this could be an honest to Grodd good match. Of course now that I’ve suggested it Shocker will get fifteen minutes of sequences while Templario stands on the apron looking like JR Smith after the clock struck zero.
Winners: Too close to call so it’s time for the return of our old friend the Canadian Dollar! Heads technicos, moose rudos…and it’s MOOSE! GET OUT THE WAY! Oh my goodness why did I do that? In any event the rudos win in three falls, we’re going past this part and never speaking of it again.
Ángel de Oro, Atlantis, Rush vs. Euforia, Gran Guerrero, Rey Bucanero
What to Expect: The sun will rise, the sun will set, Big Euf and Gran Guerrero will do cool double team moves, Rush will betray his teammates and Atlantis and Rey Rey Buc will continue a feud only Rey Rey Buc wants to continue. And for some reason I will be watching this. I need a vacation.
Winners: Atlantis won by DQ last week so it only makes sense that the ref miss Rey Rey Buc low blowing him this time to pick up a three fall win. We’ll then get some challenges and a match set up next week and I will pray to all the deities I know that Atlantis finally finds his own form, only to learn the hard truth that there is no Grodd and the cage wasn’t 30 feet. Sorry Teddy.
And we’re done. I’m off to talk more NBA on Twitter until the next lucha libre story breaks. Till then, THIS!
Please change disks to continue…