Another Tuesday has come and gone…or it still has fifteen minutes to go and I’m jumping the gun! Ah who cares; you’ll all probably be reading this the next day anyway. The point is, another CMLL Tuesday is in the books and it was a show. We had one good match, one match that built to a potentially great match next week (or the week after), three matches that will be forgotten come morning shine and another match that was so bad, songs will one day be written about it. In fact I may write a song about it now while I’m watching Jessica Jones, aka the only thing more depressing then me after watching Máscara Año 2000 vs. La Bestia del Ring. But enough about that; we’ll go more into depth on that catastrophe in about 800-1,000 words, give or take. For now, look at this funny picture of Moses I always use while you imagine “Bodies” by the Sex Pistols is playing.

 

 

Mercurio & Pequeño Violencia defeated Angelito & Fantasy two falls to one

 

Thank Grodd I was eating a delicious batch of homemade macaroni and cheese during this match; if nothing else, it made the proceedings bearable. Then again anything would’ve compared to this slog of an opener. The only thing it had going for it was the crowd being really into the returning Angelito, which of course meant he got one or two cool things in before disappearing into the background in favor of more Mercurio and Violencia offense. Shocker of all shockers, those two didn’t deliver and even Fantasy didn’t get to do his usual second rope Spanish Fly. So yeah, this was lame. It’s nice to see Angelito back and all, but if this is the best they’ve got for him he might be better off disappearing into the never again. I do hear it’s nice there this time of year.

 

Cancerbero, Nitro, Raziel defeated Eléctrico, Robin, Sensei two falls to one

 

I must admit I spent most of this match wishing I had been in the room with Eléctrico when he learned he was working Cancerbero and Raziel just a few days after those two half assed their way through a match with him and Astral. That’s never a good sign for a match when I’m doing that. By the way, this is the face I imagine Eléctrico made, for those curious.

 

 

Anyways, the match was actually…no it was pretty much what I expected, aside from the triple dive spot at the end of the match that nearly caused me to Flatline when I saw Used Future Rey Samuray actually do a dive. I didn’t even know he could jump, let alone dive! Other than that spot though there was zero too this. Eléctrico and Robin kept it simple, probably a wise decision considering all the times they’ve gotten burned by these rudos. Used Future Rey Samuray only exists to make me wish actual Rey Samuray was wrestling in his place. And the best thing you can say about Cancerbero, Nitro and Raziel is that they were somewhat trying, which is an improvement over Friday for Cancerbero and Raziel, but then again simply standing still for ten minutes would’ve been. In short, this was just kind of there and I’ve all but already forgotten about it. NEXT!

 

Blue Panther Jr., Fuego, The Panther defeated Kawato San, Puma, Tiger two falls to one

 

When a show is bad and it don’t look good, who you gonna call? PUMA AND TIGER! It works better if the Ghostbusters music is playing, I swear. Anyhow, this match immediately turned the show around to the shock of absolutely no one. I don’t know if I’d call it great but it was exactly what we’ve come to know and love from the Panthers-Puma/Tiger matches; fast paced, a few dives and some impressive wow moments like Junior’s powerbomb to put Puma away in fall three. That would’ve been the highlight spot if not for the fact that Panther ended Kawato’s life with a suicide dive for the ages. If this were the NFL, they’d be in concussion protocol and cleared a few minutes later! Tremendous stuff, and once again I thought Kawato showed great improvement. There are still a few rough spots, but he continues to get more comfortable in double/triple team situations and was able to nail his Double Stomp spot with slipping on the ropes this time. If CMLL keeps him with this group I imagine the results will only continue to improve. Job well done sirs, job well done!

 

Ephesto, Luciferno, Mephisto defeated Stuka Jr., Titán, Tritón two falls to one

 

This is a tough one to judge because the match suffered a setback in the form of Tritón landing on his knee wrong during a hurricanrana attempt. He did manage to finish the match (and thus keep me from breaking every piece of furniture in the room with me), but he spent most of it on the floor getting checked by the doctor and couldn’t walk to the back without Titán’s help. Not good at all, especially since Tritón just won the Arena Coliseo Tag Team Championships with Esfinge on Saturday. As such, the match never could get kicked into high gear, though the Infiernos, Stuka and Titán did their best to improvise and all things considered produced some alright lucha libre. It’s just unfortunate they didn’t get to do whatever was planned. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a moment to call to Cthulhu and ask for him to heal Tritón immediately…and we’re good. Onto the shit show.

 

Máscara Año 2000 defeated La Bestia del Ring two falls to one

 

Ladies and gentlemen I saw Elektra in theaters, I was at a WCW Thunder episode where Meng and Barbarian broke up, only to reunite later; hell I’ve even seen a grown man satisfy a camel (just kidding. Or am I?!). This was worse than both of those things by a vast, vast margin! I don’t know who booked this match or who even thought up the idea, but that dude deserves to be sent into the void with a Randy Savage rap CD on repeat for all eternity. Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 wasn’t this bad. SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG WASN’T THIS BAD! And that’s not even the worst thing about it; that would be that it wasn’t one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. That’s right; this match was bad at being bad! You know you suck when you can’t even fail correctly.

 

 

So I guess I should describe the match in ways other than saying it was bad right? Guess what; can’t do it. IT WAS THAT BAD! I’ll give credit to Máscara Año 2000, who unlike Bestia del Ring had dignity and was trying to make this match work, particularly with his Monkey Flip attempts in fall one. Unfortunately you need more than that to make a match better than steaming pile of cow dung and, well, you saw what 2000 had to work with. Not only did The Artist Formerly Known as Pierroth not give a shit, he actually let his second Nitro do most of the work for him in the second fall. Oh yeah; NITRO WAS BESTIA’S SECOND AND CANCERBERO WAS 2000’s! Even the seconds were some kind of suck in this bout. 2000s effort and the fact that the third fall was quicker then Barry Allen were the only things keeping this from being legendarily bad. Instead it’ll just have to settle for being really bad. May Grodd have mercy on the soul who booked this and may he convince that fool to never make this match again. Seriously; do I have to do another open letter to Paco about this?

 

Marco Corleone, Soberano Jr., Valiente defeated Cavernario, Mr. Niebla, Negro Casas two falls to one

 

The most important takeaways should be the following; a) it’s great to have Negro Casas back, b) whoever helped him rehab should immediately start working with Atlantis because holy crap the difference between Casas and Atlantis is vast and c) CMLL clearly realized they screwed up with 2000-Pierroth and are making up for it with Soberano vs. Cavernario. I’m all about that, even if it means we need to see Soberano suffer a few kicks to the groin to build to the match. Other than that finish though, I must say this was a better than usual main event. It wasn’t quite what I’d call a good match, but it did feature Soberano doing a stage dive, all six guys worked really hard and Niebla worked sober, always a good thing. Compare that to what we usually get and this main event was a success. And just think; it’ll be even better when Cav and Soberano lock up either next week or the week after.

 

That’s game sports fans. I’ll be back in the next few days with a preview of Homenaje a Dos Leyendas. Big show! Till we meet again, THIS!

 

 

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