Let’s be real sports fans; last week’s CMLL show…well let’s call it a miss shall we? Sure the undercard was alright, but then Block A of the Torneo a Parejas Increibles tournament happened and we were all reminded why tag tournaments with short matches aren’t always the best thing. So when the card for this week was announced featuring what looked to be a poor Block B, we all prepared ourselves for the worst. NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND! As it turns out, aside from one really drunk luchador and a poor main event, CMLL recovered nicely this week thanks to a surprisingly energetic team coming out of nowhere (with huge ramifications) and another strong undercard that featured the debut of a really fun new luchadora. This is why we love CMLL; for all their goofiness, they somehow get the job done when you least expect it. And now, let me tell you just how they did it!

 

 

Hijo del Signo & Yago defeated Magia Blanca & Magnus two falls to one

 

Only CMLL could have an opener that was interesting, only I can’t quite get into it yet because first we must introduce the man, the myth, THE MAGNUS!

 

 

And boy did he deserve it for his performance in this match. Despite having to deal with the 9,000 lb anchor known as Hijo del Signo, both Magnus and Magia Blanca managed to make the most of their minutes here. The former couldn’t stop breaking out cool power moves throughout the three falls, alternating between looking like Samoa Joe, La Sombra and a whole new hybrid of luchador, while Blanca was flying around and doing cool hurricanrana’s onto Yago. For awhile it looked like both of those things would combine to make this a good match; then the third fall happened, Signo (who had actually been solid to this point) turned back into his usual self and Yago uncharacteristically failed to catch Blanca on a launch pad rana that noticeably took away the flow from this match. Just another day in the CMLL opener I suppose. In any event, it was fun up until that point and at least we now have video proof that Hijo del Signo, with good talent, can be useful for two falls. Now after that fall he’ll turn into the guy who did the voice acting for Scarecrow in Batman: Arkham Knight, but at least you’re getting something out of nothing. Starman would kill for that.

 

Amapola, Dalys, Zeuxis defeated Kaho Kobayashi, Marcela, Princesa Sugehit two falls to one

 

This was the best luchadoras match since Zeuxis took on Lady Maravilla in a long lost Lightning Match. Why is it long lost? Because while I can remember it happening, I can’t remember when it happened! In any event, this still wasn’t the greatest thing I’d ever seen in my life but it did at least contain two things that have been sorely missing from recent luchadora matches; Zeuxis and high energy. Zeuxis provided both, delivering some devastating offense in the form of kneeing Kaho Kobayashi’s face in the Rio Grande and then Package Piledriving Kobayashi right to the center of the earth. It was brutal, made all the more so because Kobayashi, in her first streaming appearance, is really good at making shit like that look good. Not only that but she’s good at making herself look good too; she’s got great energy, excellent athleticism, lots of charisma and probably tried harder in this match than Tiffany has in the last ten years. More of her please! If I were CMLL, I’d be teaming her with Lady Maravilla all the time and putting her against Zeuxis as much as possible. That’s a combo waiting to produce good matches and they worked very well together here. Not enough to hide the deficiencies of Dalys and the good but not great performances of Amapola, Marcela and Sugehit, but good enough to make this interesting. Welcome to Arena Mexico Kaho! I hope someone found your head for you after Zeuxis kneed it off.

 

Torneo a Parejas Increibles Block B

 

Atlantis & Mr. Niebla defeated Ángel de Oro & Cuatrero

 

What an absolute mess of a match this was. I’m not even joking; this was a disaster pretty much across the board. The only things in this match that were redeemable were a) Atlantis being a professional throughout all the madness and b) Cuatrero and Ángel de Oro playing their parts well even though neither guy looked like they had a clue what was going on half the time. I didn’t know what was going on half the time! The best I can tell you is that Mr. Niebla looked like he was a pulling a, well, classic Mr. Niebla performance (staggering around, nearly passing out, attacking Cuatrero for no reason), no one knew what to do about it and we got a five minute plus match where very little happened. I wouldn’t call it one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen, but it was definitely the worst match I’ve seen in CMLL this year. Avoid this as if it were a feature length film starring David Boreanz.

 

Rush & Terrible defeated Stuka Jr. & Forastero

 

Maybe it was because the last match bombed worst than Josh Harnett, serious actor, but hot damn I really liked this match! Well aside from the part where Rush had to take a huge bump into the crowd instead of properly basing Forastero, but hey; no one’s perfect right. Plus, I can forgive Rush when this was the most motivated I had seen him in CMLL since…the Gran Prix? Before that? Whenever it was, teaming with Terrible seemed to get his freak juice flowing and those two made quite the team in this match, controlling the action early with some great double teams, taking it on the chin from Forastero and Stuka in the middle and then ultimately hitting a few more well timed double teams to pull it out in the end. A significant upgrade to match one and it was right about this time I knew Rush and Terrible winning this whole thing was the right decision. Alas…

 

Carístico & Euforia defeated Dragón Lee & Sansón

 

You got to love Big Euf; not just because he’s a great luchador, but because he’s the type of dad who will step up and get himself involved in his son’s feuds when CMLL doesn’t book Soberano. Case in point, Big Euf mixing it up with Sansón in this match. Am I really supposed to believe that’s coincidence after all the feuding Soberano and Sansón have done in the past year? I know what you’re doing CMLL and I approve!

 

 

You know what else I approve of? This match! This picked up right where the Rush/Terrible bout left off in delivering some cool stuff in little time. Sansón was sharp. Big Euf didn’t get to base (I wonder why!) but he did get to show off the rest of his very underrated skill set. The big story however was Dragón Lee working long sequences with Carístico. I never thought about the possibility of those two locking up ever; now I want this match to happen every week until the monoliths come to vaporize us all. Holy shit those two were awesome together! I was a little worried at first, but once they got into the groove there was no stopping them. If CMLL doesn’t put them together at some point in the future then they are as stupid as we all think. Let’s hope not; they were great here, they were great at the finish (when Carístico nailed a great Tornado DDT) and they made this match highly watchable.

 

Marco Corleone & Shocker defeated Blue Panther Jr. & Máscara Año 2000

 

Exactly what the first match of round one should’ve been; short and to the point. They got in, they got out and they didn’t give me enough time to wonder why Máscara Año 2000 and Junior were teaming together. Are they family friends or something? Who knows and who cares; let’s just be happy this match lasted longer than Stewie Griffin and move on.

 

Rush & Terrible defeated Atlantis & Mr. Niebla

 

Perhaps one of the most captivating matches I’ve ever seen, primarily because this match featured three guys who were really trying and one guy who, if we’re calling it like we see them, was drunk off his ass. Could no one have slipped Niebla a coffee prior to this bout? Seriously?! Him being too wasted to walk aside, this was fun. Terrible and Rush proved the first match was no fluke, working even better together here. And Atlantis! I still don’t know how healthy he is or isn’t, but he’s clearly saving stuff for big situations and he came alive when fighting with Rush here, reminding us that’s a match that would be awesome should it ever happen. If only CMLL had gotten him another partner; what a match this could’ve been! Alas it was passable, and considering one guy was in no position to perform, that’s a great thing and the highest compliment you can pay to Rush, Terrible and Atlantis for keeping things professional and moving. Well done!

 

Carístico & Euforia defeated Marco Corleone & Shocker

 

Somehow shorter and more to the point than the first Marco/Shocker match was! Amazing how CMLL recognized that with Shocker and yet couldn’t with Niebla huh? In any event, this didn’t need to be long and I didn’t need to see any more of Shocker being meh than I already had. Good on CMLL for keeping this short and good on them for getting the result right, for it set up…

 

Rush & Terrible defeated Carístico & Euforia

 

Last week sports fans, CMLL could not have gotten it more wrong with Block A, which was predictable as the day is long and not all that exciting. This week, not only did the match quality improve but we got an unexpected, really exciting team making it to the finals in Rush and Terrible, who mamed Carístico and Big Euf in what felt like a minute and a half. That’s fine by me; Rush and Terrible were by far the best and most deserving team of the group (though Carístico and Euforia were second) and they absolutely deserve the chance to strut their stuff again next week it what could be an excellent match between them, UG and Volador. Of course, that story will have to wait till everyone has gotten done wondering if Terrible is now the newest member of Los Ingobernables! I mean, he did do the fist bump and all; does that mean he’s in? Was Terrible joining the group one of those things Naito and SANADA discussed over dinner last night? I MUST KNOW! In any event, this sure makes things pretty exciting for both next week and the future considering how well Terrible and Rush worked here. Good recovery CMLL. Let’s hope you now pay it off with something wonderful next week.

 

Diamante Azul, Mistico, Volador Jr. defeated Cavernario, Kráneo, Último Guerrero two falls to one

 

Only CMLL could make a strong recovery from last week to this week and still not stick the landing with this main event, a match that had all the makings of being a fun if slightly mailed in “let’s wrap this up and go grab some grub” main event and instead ended up kind of a mess. And that’s hard to believe seeing as fall one ended with the UG helping Kráneo go all the way to the top so he could hit an awe inspiring top rope splash. Yes, Kráneo, all 800 lbs of him, hit a top rope splash, and the match only went downhill from there.

 

 

Now I’m not going to hold that against these guys too much because a) the show leading to this was fun and b) anyone expecting this match to be anything better than alright is fooling themselves. But damn, I didn’t expect things to go so far down as the match went around. Mistico was at one point supposed to be launched into the ring for a hurricanrana, only Diamante Azul or Volador forgot they were doing that, leading to Mistico having to walk foolishly around the ramp for a moment before coming back to the ring. Cavernario got knocked over on an easy catch with Kráneo, an unusual moment for him. And most hilariously, a sequence in this match revolved around Mistico taking off Volador’s shirt and Azul playing with Volador’s hair. Yes, this is stuff that happened. The only amazing this is that it couldn’t be the most embarrassing thing of the night, mostly because Dr. Wagner Jr. was forced to carry the Imposter La Parka during AAA’s show. Lucha libre everyone! In the end, this was at least forgivable because it followed a decent show and I had no expectations for it anyway. But man, if this is the dark side of the mailed in CMLL main event, I pray to Grodd we don’t get any more of these any time soon.

 

That’s it sports fans! I’ll be back soon with…something. What will it be? FIND OUT LATER! Till that time, THIS!

 

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