I’m going to be honest sports fans; I could not care any less for this CMLL Super Viernes show tomorrow than I already do. One look at it tells me it’s just going to be another ho hum, run of the mill show that CMLL had been producing for the last few months because they hate us all. Why do they hate us all? In the words of Lex Luger, I DON’T KNOW! So with that in mind, we’re going to get through this preview as fast as possible with as few of words as possible, all while I’m being sarcastic and a pain in the ass. Get it? Got it? Good. Let’s begin.
Robin & Star Jr. vs. Cancerbero & Raziel
What to Expect: Let me put it to you this way; Robin and Star Jr. will look up at Cancerbero and Raziel and shout “GIVE US A GOOD MATCH!” And Los Cancerberos will whisper “no.”
Winners: Cancerbero and Raziel in three. Was that not clear? NEXT!
Black Panther, Blue Panther Jr., Drone vs. Kawato San, Okumura, Virus
What to Expect: Forget this match; what I want to know is whether or not Kawato’s new haircut will be bluer than Junior’s entire outfit. Seriously, Kawato’s hair is so blue that if I was CMLL booker I’d be tempted to turn him technico and make him an honorary Panther. The only downside is it’ll make Okumura sad. Oh and when the hell did The Panther become the Black Panther again? Is he trying to covertly help the film of the same name’s Oscar push or something?
Alright I will say, Kawato’s blue hair aside, that this match is at least somewhat interesting. The rudo team is solid, Drone and Black Panther are really good and Junior still does a great Backbreaker doesn’t he? It’ll get no time but it’ll be solid and probably one of the highlights on this otherwise dim looking show, even if you’ll now spend the whole match marveling at Kawato’s hair and wondering if you even noticed when Panther changed his name.
Winners: Junior, Panther and the Drunken Drone master take this in three falls. Was that last joke too soon?
Esfinge, Titán, Tritón vs. Felino, Luciferno, Pólvora
What to Expect: I look at this match and my first two thoughts are “wow that rudo team is loaded with guys who are better than you think” and “man I hope Tritón doesn’t hit the ropes when Titán’s going for that moonsault again.” But isn’t that what we’re all thinking anyway? I’m probably overvaluing the rudos a bit; there’s no way Felino is going to give the effort he did in DTU just a few days ago. But if the rudos want to and Tritón doesn’t hit the ropes when Titán’s going for that moonsault again, this match may have a shot. Really though I just want them to get through this match without Tritón hitting the ropes when Titán goes for that moonsault again. Oh and for Esfinge to go away. I have enough trouble defending poor Tritón without having to worry about the Esfinge of it all.
Winners: TOO CLOSE TO CALL! What does the Canadian coin say…it says MOOSE! Rudos win in three falls.
Ángel de Oro vs. Mephisto
What to Expect: You know those romantic comedies where it’s got one or two good cast members who deserve better, but the plot is dragging it down? Yeah; Ángel de Oro vs. Mephisto is that rom-com in lucha form (and yes, Ángel de Oro is the criminally misused *insert actress who deserves better here*). I’m tempted to type out “Mephisto defeated Ángel de Oro”, and just paste it into my live review tomorrow night; that’s how certain I am that Mephisto is winning with the Devil’s Wings. Hopefully I’m not whelmed to death so I can see it.
Winner: Mephisto, in seven minutes, with the Devil’s Wings. NEXT!
Kráneo, Stuka Jr., Valiente vs. Euforia, Rey Bucanero, Terrible
What to Expect: It’s easy to look at this match and go “my Grodd CMLL really has no clue what they’re doing, do they?” But always remember it could be worse sports fans; Volcano and Bestia del Ring could be in this match instead!
Here’s the good news; Kráneo will be entertaining, Rey Bucanero will be bald, Terrible and Valiente will be solid and Stuka and Euforia are going to do their super cool sequences together that I’ll pop for because I am a sucker for great basing and a cool arm drag. Is that enough to make this a good, interesting match? Of course not. But there will at least be an interesting moment or two and that’s more than I can say for this match if it had involved Volcano and Bestia del Ring instead. You think maybe if we’re lucky Rush will just keep bringing his father to watch him at MLW events and we won’t have to see his wannabe luchador ass again?
Winners: TOO CLOSE TO CALL! What does the coin say…HEADS! Kráneo, Stuka and Valiente win in three falls.
Carístico, Diamante Azul, Volador Jr. vs. Cavernario, Penta Zero M, Último Guerrero
What to Expect: Like a Toronto Maple Leafs fan prior to drafting Auston Matthews, Pentagon is returning to CMLL with only faint hope to hold onto. That sound you hear is at least three Leafs fans in Mats Sundin jerseys sobbing, raging or nodding vigorously in agreement. Or what this fan is doing.
Naturally that hope will be extinguished after a few short sequences with Carístico lead to nothing because CMLL has even less of an idea on how to use Pentagon than AAA 2016. Seriously Pentagon; just dress up as Fenix (oops! I meant King Phoenix. Cause they totally aren’t the same guy!) and let things go from there. CMLL seems to love him so you should be getting big matches in no time. Even taking the Pentagon factor out of this though, this match just feels like something that will feature a little too much Diamante Azul and whole lot of Carístico, Volador and the UG standing on the apron and thinking to themselves “is it Christmas break yet?”
Winners: The technicos after Pentagon fouls Carístico to set up a match next week. Yes I know I just said it wasn’t going to happen; all that means is I just jinxed CMLL into finally doing the match. Although I may have just jinxed the match out of existence with what I just said. IT’S JINXCEPTION!
And with that we’re done! I’m off to get some Burger King and be lazy until tomorrow’s CMLL Live Review. TILL THEN!
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