Tomorrow is a big day sports fans. Not because CMLL Super Viernes is airing, but because it’s my mother’s birthday! This is awesome because a) my mother is the best person I know and b) without her encouraging me to give this writing thing a go you would not be reading me on Lucha Central as we speak. So thanks mom, happy early birthday and enjoy going to see Hamilton tomorrow! And with that let’s get into tomorrow’s CMLL, a show that doesn’t look nearly as good as Hamilton. Maybe CMLL will step it up though because it is my mother’s birthday and nothing makes her happier than her pride and joy being happy. And you know what makes me happy; good CMLL shows. It’s a long shot but hey; I occasionally like to be optimistic. And on that note, let’s prove that theory wrong with a very cynical preview!

 

 

Magia Blanca & Magnus vs. Akuma & Espanto Jr.

 

What to Expect: In the words of the Tragically Hip, it’s been a long, long, long time running; it’s been a long, long, long time coming. I’m of course referring THE RETURN OF THE MAGNUS GIFS!

 

 

Frankly me doing the old Zoolander routine might be the most exciting thing about this match. It does, in fairness, feature two strong talents in Magia Blanca and Magnus and a very solid rudo in Akuma. It also features Espanto Jr., a guy who may botch more than Arkángel Divino when his base isn’t Último Maldito. Yes the CMLL opening match restrictions are just as big an issue, but it’s a tribute to how bad Espanto is that he’s capable of ruining this match all by himself. Unless Magnus reads this and decides to take my suggestion to go nuts to heart, I get the feeling Espanto will succeed in dragging this down.

 

Winners: The rudos take it in three, Superman 64 esq falls.

 

Drone, Fuego, Guerrero Maya Jr. vs. Kawato San, Misterioso Jr., Tiger

 

What to Expect: You know how the first match was three good luchadores and one terrible one? This match is exactly the same, only there are five good luchadores and the terrible guy is actually just mediocre and unmotivated. Don’t get mad at me Misterioso; I’m just stating facts.

 

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The difference here is that the five good luchadores in this match are better than the three good ones (save maybe Magia Blanca and a really motivated Magnus) in the opener. Drone, Fuego and Maya are generally delightful to watch and I expect they’ll bring a good effort here, especially with Tiger and the finally good Kawato on the other side. This is actually Kawato’s first match that I can remember recently (or at least since he won the CMLL Super Lightweight Championship) and I was stunned by how much I’ve missed watching him wrestle. Hard to believe it wasn’t that long ago that Kawato was dropping more dives than Kyle Schwarber used to drop balls (PHRASING!). In any event, he and Tiger are more than capable of hanging with the technico team and if CMLL limits Misterioso’s work load this should wind up being a solid, possibly even good match.

 

Winners: I like the technicos here. They take it in three falls after Maya pins Tiger after a Sacrificio Maya.

 

Audaz, Soberano Jr., Titán vs. Ephesto, Luciferno, Mephisto

 

What to Expect: This is a tough one to predict sports fans. On the one hand the technico team is one of the best CMLL could possibly assemble. Seriously; it doesn’t get much better than the always excellent Titán teaming with two exciting livewires like Audaz and the Screw Master. On the other hand the rudo team is not ideal. Maybe three years ago they would’ve been but with each passing show Ephesto, Luciferno and yes, even the great Mephisto, just seem to get slower and slower. I could see them revving the engines up for maybe a big show but a random Friday during the last week of July? Don’t know about that one chief. As such this will go as far as Audaz, Soberano and Titán want it to. I think they’ll put forth a good effort and will do enough to make this good, but its disappointing CMLL stuck this trio with three guys not up to snuff when there were better match ups available.

 

Winners: I liked the technicos in the last match and I REALLY like them in this one. They take it in three after Soberano pins Mephisto.

 

Lightning Match

Valiente vs. Cavernario

What to Expect: Behold the best match on this show sports fans. Oh yes; I went there and so should you. I know everyone’s first reaction to this match is to recoil at Valiente’s name being there and yes, the former Sky Team guy can feel a bit like old news these days. He’s also someone who steps up huge when the situation calls for it and he’ll be in there with who I feel is the best luchador in CMLL right now. You really think that Barbaro Cavernario is going to let us down here? If he was able to have a good match with Forastero, despite Forastero being more useless in that match than Duncan Kane in Veronica Mars season 2, then he can have a good match with a Valiente that will be trying. I expect they’ll get a lot of time, they’ll fit a whole lot in and this match will surprise people.

 

Winner: The Caveman, all day and every day. He takes it around the 9:14 mark with La Cavernaria. Why 9:14? Mostly because I hit the 4 instead of the 5 when trying to type 9:15 and just thought that was a cooler time. I’m a nerd who just referenced Duncan Kane of all people in this column; what do you want from me?!

 

Bestia del Ring, Ciber the Main Man, Rush vs. Negro Casas, Rey Bucanero, Último Guerrero

 

What to Expect: Last week’s CMLL semi-main event featured some tremendous work from LA Park, Rush and Hijo de LA Park and some putrid work from Bestia del Ring. CMLL watched this match and apparently decided we needed less of Park and sons, more of Bestia del Ring and more Ciber the Main Man. Hence why we are now out on Park-Rush, back to Ciber-UG and JUST KILL ME!

 

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I get it CMLL; you don’t want Rush to lose his hair and you’re wary on paying Park a huge amount of cash to drop his mask. That doesn’t mean you then replace it with a feud that is so DOA it stars Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan. I don’t want to see any more Ciber vs. UG. No one I know wants to see more Ciber vs. The UG. The only people who appear to want it are CMLL, Ciber and MAYBE the UG, although he’s probably out on this idea to by now. It’s a dead feud going nowhere fast and it will continue to be that in this match. Throw in Bestia being awful and Rey Bucanero being borderline immobile and the only chance this match has is if Rush and Negro Casas just go rouge and brawl the whole match while the others stand on the apron. That ain’t happening, so expect to be bored out of your skulls.

 

Winners: Casas, Rey Rey Buc and the UG win in fall two after Ciber fouls UG for the DQ. The horror…the horror.

 

Carístico, Mistico, Volador Jr. vs. Cuatrero, Forastero, Sansón

 

What to Expect: This match looks great! That’s part of what has me worried because it almost looks too great, and CMLL matches that look like that generally don’t work out well. All the pieces are there for it to do just that though. Carístico, Mistico and Volador are, on paper, a great technico team. The Dinamitas are a great team on paper, on Mars, on any place you want to put them. If they all want it, they can have a great match. I’m just not sure they’ll want it or if CMLL will give them the time to do so. Thus I’m going to be cynical and say CMLL gives this match only about ten minutes, leading to a few cool Dinamitas sequences and the technicos coasting to give us an okay main event. Hopefully I’m wrong and CMLL lets these six go all out or, on the off chance this goes short, CMLL pays off Volador looking rejuvenated teaming with the Dinamitas last week and turns him rudo to set up something with Carístico (again) or Mistico. Those two things would work for me.

 

Winners: CMLL will play this safe and send the fans home happy with the technicos getting a quick three fall victory.

 

There you have it sports fans. It is now time for me to go brainstorm ideas for a Triplemania series next week while I replay Ocarina of Time for the 9,001st time in my life. It’s going to be a good time. Till tomorrow for the review of this CMLL show!

 

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