I am done sports fans. I. Am. Done. Tonight’s CMLL Puebla show was supposed to be a vast improvement over the duds that were the last several weeks. Instead it was just more of the same, only with even more disappointment because a) there were two very exciting alternatives to watch in Game 7 of the NBA Western Conference Finals and Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals and b) this show had potential. Instead CMLL completely squandered it with bad matches, terrible booking and Tirantes being Tirantes to the point that I almost want CMLL to have him ref an LA Park match, just so we can see what happens when he crosses Park the first time. This show was a complete waste of time and even worse kept me from doing something more productive with my time. It’s why I’m here to announce that, starting next week, the Puebla Review is just going to be results; until further notice CMLL Puebla shows won’t be reviewed until whoever is booking the show gets their head out of their ass. I’m not wasting my time or my effort anymore on something that isn’t going to put any attempt to entertain me or you dear reader. And with that, we begin the final Puebla review for now. Thank Grodd.

 

LET-THERE-BE-MORE-LUCHA

Espíritu Maligno & King Rocker defeated Meyer & Millenium two falls to one

 

There were at least one or two occasions where Meyer, Millenium and King Rocker (not Boxer or Roker, Rocker) were threatening to make this match something. Luckily Espíritu Maligno was there to immediately knock this match down several pegs with his shitty lucha libre. My Grodd if this dude was any more Ares like I would’ve assumed he actually was Ares. Just a pitiful performance by Maligno, who at this point just needs to go away. He completely screwed over Millenium on several occasions (his catch on Millenium’s springboard rana attempt was the stuff nightmares are made of) and took up way too much of this match. A shame because Millenium was otherwise solid (I think he might be very good and we’ll just never know because he’s stuck in these matches) and Meyer and Rocker worked well together overall, with Rocker looking far better than last week. And yet we won’t remember it because Maligno dragged this match down into hell. How very Spirit of Vengeance of him.

 

Lestat, Oro Jr., Rey Samuray defeated Fuerza Chicana, Los Gemelo Pantera I, Los Gemelo Pantera II two falls to one

 

This was exactly what I expected. Los Gemelos Panteras were better than their last few Puebla appearances but they were overall still just kind of there, mixing in one or two impressive moves with a whole lot of nothingness. Fuerza Chicana was brutal to watch and pretty much made Oro Jr. a non factor due to Oro working most of the match with him. That left Lestat and Rey Samuray to carry the bags and they did as best they could. I wish Lestat would show a bit more of his offensive flair but he’s good with what he does and…my goodness Rey Samuray must be the most impressive worker out there that no one but me seems to give a shit about. If anyone else even attempted that Brillo 450 of his (which he tried again tonight and mostly hit for the second straight week) we’d be singing their praises till the end of time. But poor Samuray is stuck here and thus gets nothing. Poor bastard. He was really good again here and it means nothing because it was another forgettable match on Puebla. One day you will escape Samuray! One day…

 

Fuego, Pantera Blanca, Stigma defeated King Jaguar Pólvora, Universo 2000 Jr. two falls to one

 

I couldn’t have been the only person who made this face when King Jaguar came out in place of Dragón Rojo Jr.

 

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Like what the hell man? Obviously there was no guarantee El General was going to turn this into something worth watching, but he’s at least a lot more interesting (and valuable) than King Jaguar of all people. What do you know, Jaguar added absolutely nothing to the match while Pólvora looked like he was in complete and utter cruise control. Really that was everyone in this match minus Universo 2000 Jr., who looked like he was putting in an honest effort. Everyone else sucked, coasted or is just kind of average overall and that’s the best you’re getting (Pantera Blanca). If ever there was a match that could be described as skippable, it be this one. And yes, this was about the point in the show where I was beginning to wonder if an “on paper it looks good” Puebla show had roped us in again.

 

Ephesto, Luciferno, Mephisto defeated Cuatrero, Forastero, Sansón two falls to none

 

If the first three matches weren’t painful enough, somehow things got worse with this bout! You know; the match that was supposed to kick off the hot second half of the show. CMLL was in full buildup mode in this match (I’m not sure if it was Sansón-Mephisto or another trios match being set up for next week) and it hurt it something fierce; not only did it go almost two falls but Ephesto, Luciferno and Mephisto controlled almost all the action with some of the most boring beat downs imaginable. Of course it didn’t help that the Dinamitas technico offense was lacking something fierce in this match, but that was only about five minutes of this ten minute prologue so I won’t hold it against them too much. Throw in some peak Tirantes mugging that we didn’t need and my Grodd this match was so much worse than what these teams delivered next week. I don’t know what it is CMLL will be doing with them next week but we can rest easily knowing it can’t get much worse than this. What a waste of time, and that’s with the Dinamitas involved and a feud being advanced. CMLL usually gets those things somewhat right and instead went 0-2. Or as Logan Morrison calls it, another day at the office. Yes the show was so lame at this point that I’m making weird baseball references.

 

Mistico, Soberano Jr., Volador Jr. defeated Cavernario, Felino, Mr. Niebla two falls to one

 

I think this gif is very fitting for this match.

 

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Finally, after nearly two hours of me wishing I had done anything else with my life, we finally got a match that was somewhat enjoyable. I’m not sure if it was because everything else was boring/lame or if it was because this match was actually enjoyable, but I had fun nonetheless. I didn’t think I would when the match started off the exact same way as the last match did (rudo beat down for the first fall and a half), but luckily things picked up as we went along with the technicos getting some decent shine. It wasn’t enough to make this a good match, mostly because they got no time to work with, but even the greatest hits was preferable to everything else we got. It was decent fun, and when everything to this point had just made me angry, I’m perfectly fine with decent fun.

 

Último Guerrero defeated Terrible two falls to one

 

You talk about a shit show of a match summing up a shit show of a…well show. I was so looking forward to this match and through the first minute or two of fall one this looked like it was going to deliver the fun match we were promised. Then the UG sent Terrible in the corner, was about to charge him…and Tirantes stopped him for no reason at all to help Terrible win fall one and begin a match where Tirantes was in peak Tirantes form.

 

 

COME ON MAN! It was bad enough that this show was a disappointment and that Tirantes pulled this bullshit in the NGD-Infiernos match; to then come in and do it here on the lone chance (at this point) for the show to produce something worthwhile made me want to toss my Playstation, my laptop, everything in my house except my cat Patches out the window. That moment legit ruined the match for me and I couldn’t get into the match afterwards. Of course there wasn’t really a match to get into either; both UG and Terrible (perhaps sensing this was all bullshit) didn’t really put forth a big effort. They did their normal stuff, had the anticipated stare down (the lone bright spot of the match) then went back to coasting on Terrible low blowed the UG because Grodd only knows why. This sucked. Objectively it probably didn’t but compared to what I was hoping for it sure as hell did. What a total let down and the perfect capper to a truly shitty night of CMLL lucha libre. If ever there was something to convince you to “just stick with the Friday show”, it was this show.

 

We’re done sports fans. I’m going to go reconsider my life while playing FIFA and debate whether or not to review the Tuesday show tomorrow, which is probably going to be just as disappointing. Till then, a gif summing up my feelings in case they weren’t made clear by this review.

 

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