This…this is going to be a tough week of lucha to get through sports fans. The end of it will be nice, what with a great looking CMLL Friday show and AAA’s next chaotic card all happening on Friday. Till then though it’s a CMLL Tuesday show that would nuke the optimism out of Willow Rosenberg and the show I’m about to preview, tomorrow’s (or today’s depending on when you read) CMLL Puebla. Let’s just say that I’m not going to have nice things to say about the show over the next 1,200 plus words. And with that let’s get previewing so I can move on with my life!
Astro, Black Tiger, Meyer vs. Ares, Perverso, Rey Apocalipsis
What to Expect: Damn you CMLL; DAMN YOU for putting Astro in this match. Now I’m not only obligated to watch it but I have to care because I like Astro. This blows! Not as much as this match will however because aside from Astro and maybe Rey Apocalipsis everyone else is a lost cause. Or Ares. And other than his theme music you don’t want to be Ares sports fans. It’s like being the dude who played Charlie Conway in the Mighty Ducks movies. People once thought you were something, only you probably weren’t and now you really aren’t. No wonder that dude ended up being Pacey and the guy on the losing end of The Affair.
Winners: When in doubt, go with the rudos. They take it in three falls.
Arkalis, Príncipe Diamante, Saurón vs. Espíritu Maligno, Metálico, Sangre Azteca
What to Expect: Wait…wait a minute…WAIT A DAMN MINUTE! Am I seeing this right? Is that Saurón, the Dark Lord of Middle Earth, the most diabolical hater since the so called Beautiful…FIGHTING ON THE TECHNICO SIDE?! Saurón is a good guy now?!
Hey look I get it sports fans; the “you either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain” line works if you flip it completely around. Just look at Loki, Jamie Lannister, the legendary Theon Greyjoy or Andrew from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All started off as villains and all became likable dudes by the end despite doing some pretty shitty things. Even still…Saurón a good guy? AFTER HE TRIED TO ENSLAVE MIDDLE EARTH?! I just don’t buy it is all I’m saying. And yes, you’re damn right I just spent nearly a whole paragraph going on a tangent about a fictional character that the luchadore Saurón is clearly based off of. Can you blame me upon looking at this match? Saurón going good is the only thing of interest, provided Príncipe Diamante doesn’t decide to put in a Copa Nuevos Valores/Gran Alternativa effort. He won’t and thus we now return you to your regularly scheduled “SAURÓN REDEEMS HIMSELF!” angle.
Winners: Come on sports fans; Saurón didn’t turn his back on the forces of evil just to lose! The Dark Lord and his minions take this in three falls and the path towards redemption officially begins.
Lady Maravilla, Marcela, Princesa Sugehit vs. Amapola, La Comandante, Seductora
What to Expect: This might actually be the biggest match on the card, and that’s only because Lady Maravilla could be bolting to AAA at any moment. Maravilla herself is denying she will be, but her name is on the AAA poster and until Verano de Escandalo comes to pass (or Maravilla no shows this booking) the speculation is going to continue. I’ll say this much to Maravilla if she’s listening; if you’re going to AAA, do it after this show. PLEASE! Because without Maravilla here this match is Marcela, Sugehit and Amapola fighting a losing battle with two below average luchadoras in Comandante and Seductora, not to mention whoever CMLL randomly draws out of the hat to replace Maravilla. I have no issues with Maravilla going to AAA as I’ll get to see her pretty much the same amount there as I do in CMLL. But please Maravilla; if you’re reading this, please work this show. You are truly the only hope this match has at being bearable.
Winners: Maravilla or no Maravilla, this feels like a rudas victory. Amapola and the two luchadoras holding her down will win this in three falls.
Euforia, Gran Guerrero, Rush vs. Kráneo, Rey Bucanero, Terrible
What to Expect: Didn’t we just have this match last week? Didn’t it suck and make no sense? SO WHY ARE WE DOING IT AGAIN?!
Sometimes it really is so incredible that CMLL can be the same promotion that puts together a card like this past Friday, only to follow it up with…whatever the hell this nonsensical crap is. You all know what’s coming sports fans; Rush and Terrible will refuse to fight because they’re both Los Ingobernables, Kráneo will do comedy, Rey Rey Buc will continue to inch one step closer to retirement and Euforia and Gran Guerrero will both pray for the sweet, merciful release of this match being over. So will I Big Euf and GG; so will I.
Winners: I guess this match exists to set up another Rush-Kráneo match. Joy. Kráneo wins this in two falls by DQ after Rush low blows him and tears off the mask. And I will be watching it all. Maybe I can find a way to skip this match and just bullshit about it on the review. Dammit I said that out loud!
Ángel de Oro, Mistico, Niebla Roja vs. Cuatrero, Mephisto, Sansón
What to Expect: Remember how CMLL likes to do big rematches of Apuesta bouts in Arena Puebla, only they never got around to doing Cuatrero vs. Ángel de Oro. Yeah, this looks to be the start of them getting around to it. On the one hand I have no interest in seeing that match again and thus I am filled to the brim with a feeling of indifference towards this match. On the other hand this will probably be the best match on the show by default and Oro-Cuatrero is at least a bit more appealing than Kráneo-Rush. So…yay? Considering CMLL is probably setting up Rush-Kráneo next week I’d expect this match to have a bit of a slower build, which means the match should be solid, just loaded with a lot of Oro-Cuatrero infighting. Considering what else is on this show, I’ll take it. Although it remains very, very sad the most interesting things on this show are this match, Saurón being a good guy (which is amusing for a whole other reason) and Lady Maravilla acting out The Clash’s “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”
Winners: Screw it; CMLL will do another screwy finish here because screw us, what are we gonna do about it? Oro, Mistico and the utterly wasted in this match Niebla Roja will win in three falls after Cuatrero knees Oro in the groin. If only he did it with a banjo. Shit, now I’m pulling out That 70’s Show references just to amuse myself.
IT’S DONE! IT’S OVER! Thank Grodd for that sports fans. I will now erase this show from my mind until tomorrow when I have to review it…after previewing the even worse looking Tuesday show. WHY MUST YOU MAKE IT SO HARD FOR ME TO DO MY DUTY CMLL?! It’s going to take at least one Sunkist and a lot of Uncharted 1 and Uncharted 2 to put me in a better mood. Till next time!
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