You know sports fans; this should be a happy day. After all New Japan Pro Wrestling is back on US soil with a good looking card tonight, including a match that features CMLL star Dragón Lee! Oh and there may also be something involving the Young Bucks, Kota Ibushi and Kenny Omega on the show too, though I could be mistaken. And yet despite all that promising stuff, here I sit previewing a CMLL Puebla show that is unbecoming of the 8th best weekly wrestling show of 2017 while I pass time till yet another AAA show on Twitch that…you know I don’t even want to talk about it, especially since I’ll be watching that INSTEAD of Strong Style Evolved. The bad choices we make in life. Throw in my father being sick and this day is just dandy. But hey, we’ll try to make the most of it shall we. So grab a cold one, because it’s time to preview Puebla.
Black Tiger, Centella Roja, Meyer vs. Espíritu Maligno, Fuerza Chicana, Sombra Diabólika
What to Expect: You could watch a thousand hours of CMLL Puebla and you won’t find a match that represents the show more than this opener featuring five long time Puebla regulars and Sombra Diabólika. The kicker of course is that this match will be like listening to a Creed album on repeat, so really, is this the type of representation CMLL should be striving for with the Monday show? I’ll let you ponder that question as you watch these thirteen minutes of boredom. That said it will be fun to watch Centella Roja continue his tradition of being a near 50 year old still trying to do moves 20-30 year olds dude. You gotta love the man’s hustle; the mind has definitely still got it, even if the body has gone the way Wolfgang Peterson after Air Force One.
Winners: I’m pretty sure all the technicos won in Puebla last week. You know what that means; complete reversal this week! The rudos win this in three falls after Maligno submits Meyer and Chicana botches something with Black Tiger. It ain’t a Puebla show if Black Tiger ain’t reminding you of all the better Black Tiger’s out there while Fuerza Chicana does everything as bad as he possibly can.
Eléctrico, Millenium, Rey Samuray vs. Hijo del Signo, Metálico, Policeman
What to Expect: What a hopeless looking match…until you look over the names again, see Rey Samuray is there and exclaim…
Now granted, I have no idea how Samuray, or his partners, are going to make this work with a rudo group whose best member is Policeman. That’s like talking up a film where the best part of it is Hayden Christensen. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my travels, it’s never to count out a dude who’s crazy enough to attempt a Brillo 450 dive. You just know Samuray is going to try and pull stuff like that off in this match, that he’ll probably try it on Metálico (who couldn’t base a CD case at this point of his career) and that you’ll be watching it all to see if he can pull it off.
Winners: This is definitely a match Samuray, Eléctrico and Millenium should win, which means they’re totally losing in three falls after Signo plants Samuray with a Canadian Destroyer. Ah, the rage quitting that will be going on when that happens.
Ángel de Oro, Esfinge, Stigma vs. Máscara Año 2000, Pólvora, Universo 2000 Jr.
What to Expect: Poor Ángel de Oro; he’s lost his mask and now he’s being forced to team with two luchadors who can best be summed up as “the poor man’s Ángel de Oro.” Its bad enough being Ángel de Oro; who would want to be the lesser version? It doesn’t get much better on the rudo side either, which features Máscara Año 2000, a sure to be coasting Pólvora and Universo 2000 Jr., a guy who looked pretty good last week…until he dropped Star Jr. right on his head with his cool but dangerous looking finisher. Oh, and did I mention before that he had looked less like a competent worker and more like the black sheep of the NGD? I guess what I’m trying to say is that this match isn’t going to be much good and if you can do something else while it’s happening you’re living life better than me.
Winners: It’s Stigma, it’s Puebla, and it doesn’t matter who else is in this match because he’s getting the pin. I see him getting one over Pólvora in three falls with the Backpack Stunner. Note to future second generation luchadors; find you a dad who overlooks all your flaws and keeps booking you to win matches like Panico does for Stigma! That or being Volador Jr. is clearly the key to success in lucha libre.
Dragón Lee, Matt Taven, Niebla Roja vs. Rey Bucanero, Shocker, Terrible
What to Expect: Are there seriously no good looking matches on this show?! Holy shit, this is the fourth straight turd in a land full of giant turds. The only positive about it is that it’s not as bad as the preceding three matches. In other words it gets the same medal Arrow Season Three does for being better than Arrow Season Four. And come on; everything is better than Arrow Season Four, with the exception of the Imposter La Parka. Then again, maybe he’s the living embodiment of Season Four; have you ever seen them together at the same time?
Anyways, I guess you could see some glimpses of hope in the forms of Dragón Lee going off, Matt Taven doing Matt Taven things, Niebla Roja having a comeback night after an off show on Friday and Terrible doing stare downs. The problem is Shocker and Rey Rey Buc will also be there and, well, they can’t do shit. And because they can’t do shit that limits the amount of shit the technicos can do, neuters Terrible by forcing him to work with the, which gives us a 115% chance of things going wrong. The numbers don’t lie, and they spell disaster for anyone with two eyes who has to watch this match! Dammit, I totally did that Steiner joke wrong. Can I get a redo, kind overlords of Lucha Central? No. Dammit all.
Winners: Time to break out that good ole Canadian Dollar! Heads technicos, moose rudos…move folks because there’s a moose coming your way! The rudos win in three falls.
Carístico, Gran Guerrero, Último Guerrero vs. Mistico, Valiente, Volador Jr.
What to Expect: Finally…mercifully…we have found a match that looks like it could be good! It may or may not have something to do with the Sky Team being involved for the first time since the lunar eclipse. Then again it also could be because, like last week, this will feature a lot of Carístico/Mistico teases before Mistico moves on to feud with Gran Guerrero in a still cool, but not as cool as Carístico/Mistico battle would be. Seriously, what is the deal with that; is CMLL just trying to give us all blue balls or is there actually a plan later this year and this is all part of getting us hyped for the Aniversario bout between Carístico and Mistico for either the masks or the rights to the Mistico name? I guess we’ll find out down the road, but for now we’ll have to settle for Mistico-GG, which should be just fine. Toss that in with the Carístico/Mistico teases, Valiente and Volador getting to do some cool stuff with the Guerreros and this should be a fun main event, even if it doesn’t quite reach its potential due to CMLL building towards next Monday.
Winners: Honestly, the right thing to do would be CMLL scrapping the Mistico-GG singles plans in favor of having the Guerreros and Carístico challenge for the Trios Titles next week. That could be off the charts! Alas I don’t see it, so look for the GG to pick up the win on Mistico with an unseen low blow, leading to some challenges and a match scheduled for next week.
That’ll do it sports fans. I’ll have the AAA on Twitch review for you later tonight, but I’ll be back even earlier than that with a special surprise! Keep your eyes peeled. Till then, enjoy Imposter La Parka getting domed by actual La Parka.
Please change disks to continue…