Breaking news; tonight’s AAA show sucked! I know; you can’t believe it either. I suppose it wasn’t all bad, especially in the middle section…except yes, it still was that bad because the rest of the show rotated from being boring, stupid and at the end a disgrace to professional wrestling, lucha libre and all intelligent life that walks this mortal coil. I’m embarrassed that I spent the two plus hours watching it. Then again, someone has to so you guys can be informed, and that’s why this review exists. So let’s suck it up, grab a cold one and pretend that cheesy song from Rocky IV is playing. THERE’S NO EASY WAY OUT! THERE’S NO SHORTCUT HOOOOOOOOOOOOME! Look at that; those lyrics sum up what it’s like to watch AAA.
Lanzeloth, Mamba, Pimpinela Escarlata defeated Ashley, Dinastia, Estrella Divina
This has to be the first time in recorded history Lanzeloth and Dinastia were added to something and it didn’t help a match one single, solitary bit. Not for a lack of effort on their parts of course; when Lanzeloth and Dinastia were in the ring together they were as good as you’d expect. The problem was they were only in the ring together twice during this ten minute snore, with them otherwise spending the rest of the match having no idea how to work with either of their respective teams. I can’t say I blame them considering Ashley and Divina were on cruise control, Mamba was Mamba and Pimpi continued to remind us that, in the words of Jack Nicholson, it’s time to retire. Credit to AAA for changing this match up so we didn’t have to see it on three straight shows, but I wonder if they actually made it worse by adding Lanzeloth and Dinastia and not doing anything with them. At the very least it made it sadder; grounding those two dudes would be like Paul Dini deciding “you know, I’m not going to write Heart of Ice.” And he’d never do that!
Cuervo, Escoria, La Parka defeated Joe Lider, La Parka Negra, Mr. Aguila
Dear…Grodd. Once again AAA decided the right call was to give an Imposter La Parka match a lot of time, which once again led to me wishing I had followed my father’s advice and sought out a regular job instead of this one. It wasn’t just Imposter Parka that made this depressing though. No, it was the fact that there were some actual talented dudes in this match. Escoria, Parka Negra and The Artist Formerly Known as Essa Rios all can go; we even saw glimpses of that in this match early on. The problem is they were stuck with the blank slate known as Cuervo, an out of shape megalomaniac who needs to be sent away and Joe gorram Lider! And Lider didn’t even bleed; that’s like the one thing he can do correctly! If I weren’t straight edge, this would’ve driven me to drink. A depressing, horrible excuse for a wrestling match.
Rey Escorpión & Texano Jr. defeated Angelikal & Drago and Monster Clown & Murder Clown
You could tell Vampiro was back at the controls of this show as this match went from a promising trios match to a three way tag team match for the right to face Cuervo and Escoria for the AAA Tag Team Championships. On the one hand, cool. On the other hand, this deprived me of seeing Aerostar and…well let’s just say I didn’t take it too well.
In fairness, I’m not sure even with Aerostar involved that trios match would’ve been better than what we got here, which was some honest to Grodd decent lucha. Not great lucha, but compared to the first two matches it was a breath of fresh air. The story of the match was Drago and Angelikal getting the piss whipped out of them by the two rudo teams, getting some quick strikes towards the end and then ultimately getting disposed of anyway because poor Drago and Angelikal just don’t rate. Luckily the stuff they hit was pretty good, Rey Escorpión and Texano turned out to be a pretty darn good makeshift team and Monster and Murder were solid. In fact I really enjoyed Murder Clown’s performance here; some will argue he messed up catching Angelikal on his dive attempt (in truth, it looked like Angelikal slipped going for a Brillo Aerostar), but that slip up aside Murder looked like an unstoppable brute, with his double superplex on Drago and Angelikal really standing out. Again, not a perfect match by any means but compared to what we’ve seen from AAA shows recently, it was enjoyable enough. Plus Escorpión and Texano won the title shot, and they showed enough here that I think they can do good things with Cuervo and Escoria…provided Vampiro remembers that match happened. And he may not now that, get ready, the Vamp Cam is back!
La Máscara, Máximo, Psycho Clown defeated Averno, Chessman, Super Flyer
For what might’ve been the first time since the opener in Cuernavaca, AAA had a match that actually worked for what they were trying to do. Then again maybe I’m delirious and not thinking straight after all the below average lucha libre I’ve seen recently! Whatever the case, I enjoyed this match. It felt less like an AAA match and more like a CMLL trios match; a slow, chain wrestling based start slowly escalates in action. I think it perhaps needed a bit more oomph and maybe a few more dynamic performers to make it more exciting, but overall the work was really good from both teams, with the OGT’s rudo work coming off as really solid and the comeback by Máscara, Máximo and Psycho looking really good, especially as it went along. Maybe Máximo could’ve toned down a little of his silliness, but I thought it was made up for with Psycho’s effort and a nice ending that called back to La Máscara and Averno’s feud in CMLL. So yeah; I enjoyed myself watching this! You do wish these guys were perhaps capable of doing more outlandish dives, but when the work is as smooth and solid as it was here, I find it hard to be too hard on it. Good match. There’s a 9,000% chance I’m the only one who thought so.
Blue Demon Jr., Dave the Clown, Hijo del Dr. Wagner Jr. defeated Dr. Wagner Jr., Pagano, Vampiro
Right as this match began, news broke that El Mesias (who was booked to be on this show) had quit AAA, pretty much nuking any interest I had in this match and driving lucha twitter into a frenzy. In the long run it was probably a terrible blow to AAA; for this match however it was the best thing that could’ve happened. Why? Because I was so distracted by this match that I didn’t watch it blow for blow, and it ultimately made this match look a lot better than it did. Now I know how there’s some people out there who tolerate M. Night Shyamalan movies between Signs and Split; they just don’t pay attention!
So yeah, this only sort of sucked instead of really sucking. It was still too long and good Grodd Dave the Clown just can’t do anything right, but it wasn’t the disaster this past Saturday’s tag match was. The key was that everyone was trying. Pagano gave the same effort he gave Saturday and it continues to amaze me how this former “death match only” worker has become a semi-competent worker. Blue Demon tried and even hit a good suicide dive. Both Wagner’s tried. Vamp tried, although that wasn’t quite enough to make him better than mediocre. And most impressively, AAA actually got the finish right by having Hijo del Dr. Wagner Jr. pin Vampiro CLEAN with a TKO. That’s right; not only did Vampiro lose a match, he lost it clean to a young guy who needed to go over! I truly must be hallucinating at this point. In the end, all that combined to make this a below average match, but a tolerable, watchable below average match. Well done AAA?
La Parka Negra won Copa Perros del Mal
I don’t always describe matches as complete and utter disgraces, but when I do, it involves this complete waste of time. To think sports fans that AAA actually had me fooled for a moment; that they had me believe this was all about honoring the memory of Perro Aguayo Jr. (taken from us far too soon in 2015) with that beautiful tribute video for him. I even stated at that point the show had been worth it just for that moment. Then the fucking Imposter La Parka, a man who meant so much to Aguayo’s career that I’m pretty sure he had nothing to do with his career, walked out to participate in this Battle Royal and would’ve won it if not for Dave the Clown interfering to continue that travesty of a program. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. This match sucked, the treatment of long time Perros del Mal members Joe Lider and Mr. Aguila sucked, the fact that AAA couldn’t be bothered to try and get guys like Halloween and X-Fly into this match sucked, the fact that La Parka Negra, an honest to Grodd good luchador, only won this match because Grodd forbid the man who stole LA Park’s name look bad sucked and, most importantly, the fact that AAA had to have that disgrace of a performer and human being go as far as he did really sucked. The only reason I’m still going to watch AAA going forward is because AAA didn’t let him win and I’m frankly kind of furious about that because I really don’t want to watch AAA right now. I am insulted on so many levels and unless you’re a child who doesn’t know any better, you should be too. This was an absolute embarrassment, and not the funny kind like this past Saturday. Shame on AAA, shame on the higher ups who allowed this to happen and shame on that asshole who keeps trying to hog the spotlight instead of going the hell away. If it wasn’t for someone needing to review this show, I wouldn’t watch this piece of shit program again.
And with that, we exit stage left. Sorry for ending that so angrily sports fans but AAA deserves every bit of that anger. And yet we’ll do it all again on Sunday. Thank Grodd I’ll be back on Friday to review CMLL. Till then, a picture of LA Park owning that gorram Imposter. I really need it right now, and hopefully you do too.
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