AAA’s first show of 2019 is done and it sucked. Holy shit did it suck. Quite frankly if I didn’t write for this site I would’ve given up on reviewing the show (which had one good match) midway through and gone to bed to get up in time for FantasticaMania. It was that bad, the kind of show AAA was doing up until April of last year. Let’s hope this isn’t the trend for AAA this year because if so…we’re in for a long year. But enough depressing stuff; there’ll be time for that in the rest of this review and after the Lucha Central Awards voting period is done and your favorite lost cause you didn’t vote. See what I did there?

 

 

New Year, Same AAA

 

You have to love AAA starting off the New Year and their first show of said year as only they can; with a promo segment that ends with Konnan and his many followers standing tall over Dr. Wagner Jr. and Psycho Clown. All due respect to the Masters but this truly is a tradition unlike any other. The basic gist is Wagner (now looking a full thirty years younger than he actually is) coming out to challenge Blue Demon Jr., who then came out to call Wagner a mediocre luchador who was, and I quote, a product of marketing. That is some pot calling the kettle black shit right there, isn’t it? Wagner then attacked, took WAY too long to get Demon’s mask off and allowed Konnan and Los Mercenarios to come out and attack him. Konnan then cut a promo, got interrupted by Psycho Clown coming to save his friend, and then quickly finished the promo up after Mercenarios took him down too. An AAA start to a show if I’ve ever seen one.

 

Dinastia, Lady Shani, Niño Hamburguesa defeated Lady Maravilla, Lanzelot, Villano III Jr.

 

You know…I’m still not sure what entirely happened in this match. I’m definitely not sure what happened at the end of the match, which had more chaos than your average Sonic the Hedgehog game. There was apparently a Dinastia dive, at least one Hamburguesa dive to win the match, and then Keyra came out to beat up Lady Shani with Lady Maravilla’s help. Otherwise I’m not sure what happened, and that’s not a good thing. There definitely were some good things in this match, like the Dinastia-Lanzelot sequences, Villano III Jr.’s corkscrew moonsault (holy balls what a move!) and the crowd being molten hot for everything that happened. Unfortunately a lot of this match was also very disjointed (the bad camera work didn’t help either) and there was never a prolonged stretch of action that seemed to meet expectations. In other words, I am disappoint! At least this match did seem to set up Shani vs. Keyra, though the fact that they’re not matched up on upcoming shows makes one think it’s going to take awhile for us to actually get to it.

 

Carta Brava Jr., Mocho Cota Jr., Tito Santana defeated Hijo del Vikingo, Laredo Kid, Myzteziz Jr.

 

Somebody get me an ice water dammit!

 

 

Let’s get the criticisms out of the way first sports fans, especially since I only have one gripe; the ending. I probably wouldn’t have hated it if this was the match that kick started the feud but this was match four of a feud that had pretty much ended already. Thus, Carta Brava pulling off Laredo Kid’s mask to give Poder del Norte the win couldn’t help but come across as flatter than a ten day bottle of Sunkist. Everything to that point though was magic. The two teams have lost no chemistry since their Guerra de Titanes battle and even had some new tricks up their sleeves, like Poder del Norte’s cool Doomsday Suicide Dive and a once in a life time hurricanrana by Vikingo that I can’t even describe properly. Let’s just say it involved Myzteziz’ back and the turnbuckle pole. Throw in several other outstanding sequences/moves that I could spend all night talking about (but can’t) and this was yet another great match between these two sides. I do think it would’ve landed a bit better if AAA hadn’t gone with the finish they did, but that’s a minor gripe and if AAA wants to run these two teams against each other again then I’m not going to stand in their way.

 

Imposter Parka Stuff

 

I’ll be honest; I was too busy writing about the last match to truly pay attention to this segment. From what I caught of it it seemed to be about introducing Imposter Parka’s son, El Hijo del Imposter Parka. Alright that’s unfair; the kid is young so for all we know he doesn’t actually suck like his father. Either way I can’t say I’m that excited until I see what he can do, and this segment where he was introduced (which was complete with Imposter Parka and Vampiro appearances) didn’t help with that.

 

Máximo, Murder Clown, Taya defeated Chessman, Faby Apache, La Máscara

 

Remember a match ago when I was complaining about the Los Jinetes del Aire-Poder del finish? Yeah; let’s go back to that please. Compared to this match it was the breakaway pop hit of the decade. That’s unfair to some of the participants in this match, namely the three technico(a)s. I thought Taya looked quite good in her Mexico return (even if she wasn’t given anything to do other than smack Faby Apache around), Máximo tried harder than usual and Murder Clown was an absolute beast. He was easily the best guy in this match and not just because everyone else was below average; there was some good talent and he outshined them. Then again it was easy to considering the effort of the rudo team. Chessman got absolutely nothing to do, Faby went through the motions and my Grodd could La Máscara be any more out of shape? I remember when the dude was, at worst, one of the luchadores with the best look around; now he looks like he hasn’t hit a gym in at least a year. His uncle, Brazo de Platino, has quite a few years on Máscara and he looked better in this match in his two minutes of interference. All of which is to say it’s a bad idea that AAA is continuing this Máximo-Máscara feud and they should terminate it immediately. They definitely shouldn’t terminate the Murder-OGT’s feud though; that post match bit was fun and I’m all for seeing what those matches would look like. They have to be much better than this bout. In the words of Immortan Joe, MEDIOCRE!

 

Killer Kross defeated Dave the Clown and La Parka Negra

 

I’ll give this match this much; it was not the worst match I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m pretty sure that remains that Yoshitatsu-Volador match from a few years ago. Remember that match sports fans?

 

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Stay on topic Cult. So yeah, this match wasn’t as bad as I thought. It still was nowhere near good in the traditional sense, despite the fact that Parka Negra and Dave the Clown were trying their asses off. This was easily the best performance of Dave the Clown’s life; a steep bar to clear I know. Even in clearing that bar he was still botching a move every now and then and likely only looked as good as he did because Parka Negra is legitimately good and did everything he could to drag respectability out of this match. Frankly that may have been a mistake. Killer Kross was the priority here and the best booking of this match would’ve been him stomping both guys out in five minutes. He was still dominant and still suplexed the hell out of both guys, but Parka Negra and Dave getting as much as they did was largely unnecessary, especially since this was never going to be Atlantis vs. Villano III. I appreciate the effort of the guys in making this better than an embarrassment, but I’m not sure who this helped at the end of the day. Besides insomniacs that is.

 

Pagano defeated Texano Jr., Brian Cage and Joe Lider

 

Remember when this was supposed to be a tag match? AAA sure as hell didn’t, as this match started off with all four guys beating each other up and never changed courses after. Does it really what type of match this was though? I can’t imagine a tag team stipulation would’ve changed the fact that these four had the chemistry of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Doran. Brian Cage was limited due to a leg injury but he was actively holding back as well because only Texano could come close to matching his skill (and Texano was mostly on autopilot). Meanwhile Joe Lider was colder than me after my four mile walk this afternoon and Pagano was the same as always; high effort, low reward, especially on a Volador Spiral attempt that would’ve made Volador want to shave his head all over again. Throw in a snail like pace and this match was even harder to watch than the previous match. AND THE PREVIOUS MATCH HAD DAVE THE CLOWN! At least in that bout it played out as we thought. This match meanwhile made no sense (it was supposed to be a tag), featured nothing exciting and was pretty much four guys who looked like they’d rather be anywhere else. Except Pagano; we just all wish he was somewhere else. Terrible match.

 

Blue Demon Jr., El Hijo del Fantasma, Rey Escorpión defeated Dr. Wagner Jr., Imposter La Parka, Psycho Clown

 

I honestly don’t want to even talk about this match sports fans. It was, as expected, a nothing main event that focused too much on Imposter La Parka. Hell it focused even more on him than usual because his son was at the commentary booth, which meant he had to get beaten up a few times and Parka had to took a Martinete at the end of the match to build HEAT! I couldn’t have cared less if I tried. The only things to care about in this match were Rey Escorpión and Psycho Clown, who both worked hard, had good sequences together and pretty much confirmed they deserved a lot better than this dribble. Alas. This was a complete waste of time, did nothing for anyone involved (including AAA’s big Wagner-Demon feud, which played second fiddle throughout) and only succeeded in summing up how much this show sucked after that trios match. Remember back at the beginning of this show how loud the crowd was for Niño Hamburguesa? Unless Psycho was in the ring, it was near silence here. If only someone backstage could comprehend why that is.

 

I’m out of here sports fans. See you tomorrow for FantasticaMania. Till then.

 

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